


(Un)conditional

by Hermaline75



Category: Thor (Movies)
Genre: Dubious Consent, M/M, Non-Traditional Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Porn With Plot, Pre-Thor (2011), Sibling Incest, Voyeurism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-05
Updated: 2019-11-29
Packaged: 2020-06-23 22:38:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 51
Words: 47,412
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19710913
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hermaline75/pseuds/Hermaline75
Summary: Very few people know that the crown prince of Asgard suffers a particularly troublesome affliction, a strange loss of wits, an unbearable, uncontrollable desire that strikes when he least suspects.And even fewer know just how curious the second prince is about it.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * In response to a prompt by [thorgasm](https://archiveofourown.org/users/thorgasm/pseuds/thorgasm) in the [ThorLokiPromptMeme](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/ThorLokiPromptMeme) collection. 



> I've been suffering a little bit of a block lately, so maybe it's time to go back to basics, as it were, with some pre-Thor nonsense.
> 
> I've strayed from the prompt a little, but the base is still there!
> 
> **Prompt:**
> 
> Ok, so Thor and Loki are both alphas. At least Loki's aesir form is, Loki's jotun form is actually an omega. Loki doesnt know/understand why when he fucks an omega he feels this need to be filled, why he wants to know what it feels like, why he wants so much, why when caught Thor with an omega he wasnt jealous of Thor, he was jealous of the omega who got to have Thor's knot!
> 
> And then during one of Thor's ruts, Loki makes a plan. When an Alpha is in rut they are pretty much animals, they barely recall anything, its all a haze. Well then that's the best time for Loki to attack and finally know what its like, Thor is imprisoned in a cell and Loki has access to it, and alphas in rut dont care they will fuck anyone; alpha, omega. The perfect oportunity as he gets to scratch 2 itches and maybe he will even get over that obsession with Thor! Except not and now he wants even more! 
> 
> And then theres Thor, you see, all the time Thor spends with Odin he's actually learning stuff about how to control himself as an alpha, how to deal with his ruts, after all he's gonna be king he needs to be aware at all times! He's not at Odins level of self control but he's getting better so he kinda knows that something weird happened during his last rut, he has some weird dreams, visions of fucking Loki during his rut, he thinks his brain or someone is messing with him, so he applies himself even more to his lessons with Odin so that he wont kept having those visions during his ruts, cause its making hard for him to look at his brother, he doesn't want to lose his brother who surely will hate him for harboring these feelings!
> 
> And then in Thor'snext rut, Loki attacks again and you decide what happens! (maybe Thor is not as animalistic and but cant talk yet but his need is stronger and thats actually Loki here, Loki wants him too?)
> 
> I'd like if this were pre-Thor movies. Maybe some Loki using some toys to deal with that ache inside, maybe Loki shapeshifting and trying to get some (from Thor).
> 
> You decide if Loki finds out the truth about himself, if he hates himself even more, etc.

Thor sat cross-legged upon his father's bare stone floor and tried to focus on his breathing.

_This is me. This is me inhaling and exhaling. These are my lungs filling with air._

_In for three, hold for three, out for three. In for three, hold for three, out for three. In for three..._

He wondered if Fandral was planning to go to that new tavern again tonight, if he could manage to tag along, see if it was as fun as he said or if he was exaggerating as usual...

A loud thump startled him, followed by a sigh.

"You are letting your mind wander, my son."

Ugh...

"I am trying, Father."

"Well, try harder."

Easier said than done...

Thor rolled his shoulders and did his best to re-focus, his breathing falling into that familiar pattern once more.

It was very important. If he didn't learn to do this, he was at risk of becoming very dangerous. And he didn't want to let that happen; he wouldn't be able to live with the guilt.

The little-known truth was that the crown prince of Asgard had a terrible condition.

It had first manifested a few years ago, starting with an itch beneath his skin, an acute awareness of scent and how delicious certain people smelled, a heat within his very being and a strong desire to be touched, to feel, to be joined with someone in the most intimate and primitive way.

And despite taking no drink that night, he had woken the next day with no memory, lying next to a nude buxom maid with dark hair tumbling in ringlets across his pillow, stretching and moaning and telling him how much she had enjoyed the previous night, how generous and insatiable a lover he was...

His first time, and he had no recollection of it.

That had worried him enough, but embarrassment led him to conceal it from everyone at first. It was the next time that sealed everything, when Sif of all people, a woman he admired and loved as a friend but would never have shared such a private secret with, saw him prowling around the palace with blank eyes, unable to respond to her with words, trying to remove his clothes, and immediately summoned a healer for fear that he had been poisoned.

They'd diagnosed him then. Premature rut. A hormonal change in certain alphas that should not have happened unless he had a long-term partner.

But there was no one. None that he loved like that. Something within him had gone wrong and rendered him barely more than a beast at unpredictable intervals. Without a loving mate, he was lost.

They'd thought it might pass on its own, that he might grow out of it, but if he was going to then it was taking a long time. And it even seemed to be growing worse, sometimes lasting multiple days and nights instead of just one.

He had never taken someone unwilling; at least his brain seemed to cling to that, to something of right and wrong. But he couldn't shake the feeling that the risk was great and that was why he had to learn to control himself, had to be able to remember what happened during that fugue state and eventually to resist it.

And that meant learning to focus...

Loki didn't have to do this, he thought, with some jealousy. Loki was a normal alpha, able to go about his life without fear that he would unwittingly hurt someone. And his brother had countless admirers, no doubt dozens of bed partners, and why not? They were young. This was the time to have fun. He wasn't knotting anyone yet as far as Thor knew.

Maybe he ought to try it himself some time, though he was terrified that sex would trigger one of his episodes in an unsafe environment. Touching himself seemed to be safe, it was just the smell of other people that gave him problems...

Another thud and Odin's increasingly exasperated tone.

"Thor! Focus!"

***

Loki flopped against his sheets in unexpected frustration, sighing out and feeling mild disquiet.

Everything had been normal and good, and yet he'd started to notice that of late seduction and sex had somehow begun to lose their charm for him.

Which was ridiculous... It was one of his favourite games, working out precisely which approach to take, exactly which words would convince someone to join him in bed.

Of course, being a prince tended to help, but he liked to think it was mainly his own charms that drew them in.

But these last few times... Maybe he'd chosen his partners poorly, but despite spilling into willing flesh, he found himself feeling empty and unsatisfied afterwards. Like there was something missing.

He gently but firmly convinced his most recent conquest to leave his chambers with forced charm and sighed again, heavily, throwing himself back onto the bed, trying to work out what was wrong with him. Had the man just not been his type? Was he ill somehow? Everything had been wonderful and fun, his new friend begging for his cock, moaning openly at being breached, thrusting back against him with wanton abandon, like he'd never felt anything so good and he'd taken all Loki could give with only evident pleasure, his whole body rippling around him...

So why hadn't it pleased him afterwards? Why was he so unsatisfied? It had seemed genuine enough, not the pretend cries that he despised...

He rolled onto his back, a little aroused by the memory despite how recent it had been. Those firm cheeks parting for him, watching himself disappear within a warm, beautiful body. It _had_ been good. He knew it had.

He wrapped a hand around his cock, hardening up, stroking idly. Maybe he was just growing a little insatiable, maybe he just had to go twice or even three times. He could satisfy three times in a row, probably, draw out another orgasm when it seemed impossible.

After all, surely that was what happened during a knot, a real one. Being all full, sensitive and desperate, willingly trapped by such a thick, hot...

Hm.

He hardly noticed spilling over his hand, more confused than anything. Where had his brain gone? He would be the one doing the knotting in that situation; he ought to have been imagining the tight, wet heat of his mate's body, feeling his spill pulse inside, not the details of how it would feel for them.

Beyond wondrously pleasurable, no doubt, or so he'd heard...

It was certainly not a fantasy he had ever entertained before.

Hmm.

He didn't have much time to think about it, a familiar knock on the door telling him Thor had arrived. He summoned a robe, trying to look like he was just preparing for bed as usual.

Thor's nostrils twitched as he entered, like he could smell Loki's recent activities, but he didn't say anything, just settled himself on Loki's couch, sighing. Looking for sympathy.

"Father working you hard?" Loki asked.

"No more than usual. It's just that I don't seem to be making any progress. It's very frustrating."

He'd had his eyes closed as he spoke, clearly tired. There was an obvious joke here about how exhausting just focusing must be for him, but Loki didn't make it. He seemed too sad.

"I should have mastered this by now," Thor said miserably. "It shouldn't be this difficult."

"Who exactly are you measuring yourself against? Do you know anyone else who has been through this?"

A moment's pause, grumpy reflection.

"No. Never even heard of it happening to anyone else. Even paired alphas, they're single-minded when the time comes, but they're not mindless. They can control themselves and go about their business. They don't have to be locked up. They can still talk and see reason."

At first, Loki had been a little jealous of Thor when he first heard that he could knot, that he was already experiencing ruts. It had seemed like yet another example of how Thor was stronger, more virile, more alpha than him.

Until he understood that Thor had no memory of what occurred. All that pleasure and no recollection, no control... There hardly seemed a point.

The palace paid discreet concubines to help him through it, and by hiding in the shadows as they left, Loki had overheard that it was an intense but enjoyable experience, a little rough perhaps but never painful and that the prince always seemed grateful for all that he couldn't speak.

That ought to be comforting to know, but Loki was unsure whether they'd ever told him.

"Do you know when you're due?" he asked.

"It's been a while so probably soon. But you never know; it's not terribly regular."

"Well, then that will be a chance to really test your skills in the real environment."

Thor sighed and opened his eyes.

"What if... What if I never learn?"

Loki joined him, placing a comforting hand on his shoulder.

"You will. Or maybe you'll meet someone and it will calm down when you're with them."

"Is that how it works?"

"I've no idea. It is your condition, not mine."

He had tried to look into it, but there was very little information that he could find. It really was an extraordinarily rare situation.

In fact, he was rather curious about the whole thing, if he was honest, but he got the impression that Thor didn't want to talk about the details, even if he remembered them.

"You're very tired," he said gently. "Get some rest and try again in the morning."

Thor smiled at him gratefully, squeezing his hand briefly and bidding him goodnight.

Loki was left alone, that strange unsatisfied sensation making itself known again. It reminded him of touching himself in his adolescence and being interrupted, summoned out of his room before he was finished, an itchy, impatient feeling.

He brushed his hair and returned to bed, trying to imagine how it would feel to be in Thor's position with a parade of waiting bed mates, if he was in a state to properly enjoy it, of course.

Did they enter one at a time, or did they lie down side by side, chatting and preparing for their turn?

He imagined a whole row, men and women, smiling and excited, arching up to Thor's touch, moaning as the bed shook...

No wonder he was a little envious, really.


	2. Chapter 2

Thor woke up with the distinct feeling that it was coming today. He could feel the heat in his body, a slight fluidity in his limbs, a keen awareness of scent.

There was mostly his own, outdoorsy and musky, the smell of hikes through forests, of cooling off in a fresh stream, mostly sweat perhaps, but also earth.

There was the smell of soap, someone fastidiously clean entering his chambers, perhaps a maid. There was the faintest hint of his mother's perfume.

And he could smell Loki, of course, but he could always smell Loki. Sharp and strange. Unlike anyone else he knew. Like the metallic scent of snow almost.

At least his cock wasn't bothering him yet. He ought to have stopped having unexpected erections years ago, but every time...

He bathed, and tried to focus, doing his breathing exercises, concentrating on feeling present.

_This is me. This is my hand gripping the cloth, the fibres yielding beneath my fingers, water running down my wrist..._

Half-remembered, he'd had the most peculiar dream. It had involved Mjölnir. Someone using her as a... An intimate aid. Taking the handle impossibly deep into their body.

It made him blush even to think about it. The mind was a very strange place sometimes.

Ugh, and he'd lost focus again.

_This is me. This is my hand picking up the soap. These are my arms that I am washing. These are my legs. That is an appendage that really needs to remain calm._

He went to breakfast, breathing steadily, noticing every little thing and noticing himself noticing. The sunlight streaming through the windows. Women chatting outside. The blended smells of the whole palace, stronger or weaker depending on the proximity of the person. Birdsong. 

The heft of his cutlery, how it shone in the light, how it clinked against the plates, voices washing over him.

"Thor?"

_This is me..._

"Yes," he managed, forcing his brain to produce speech in the fog.

"Are you unwell? Is it your condition?"

"Think so, but I'm fine. This is my hand holding a spoon."

He was aware of Loki's discomfort next to him, of how disgusted he must be to see him reduced to stating simple facts like a child.

"Loki," Odin said. "You may excuse yourself and take breakfast in private."

The scrape of a chair, the faint clatter of a bowl being picked up. Thor's heart ached. He was such an embarrassment...

Being alone with just his parents seemed to have calmed him a little though. He was breathing more steadily, managing to eat in a calm and coordinated fashion, aware that they were looking at him in grave concern.

"Do you need to go to the cell?"

He hated going there, being caged like a beast, but it was necessary.

"Better sooner than later," he said. "I think I'm... I think I will keep my wits a few hours more, but... Yes."

They agreed, finishing breakfast before accompanying him to the hidden room, much like the dungeons and close to them. People could see into the cell, which mortified him, but they had to, for safety. In case someone needed to get out.

The fact that was a risk terrified him. As he understood it, his companions for the rut worked in a team, keeping an eye on him and one another. And they were very professional. His dreadful secret was faithfully kept.

He couldn't see out. It was better not to be distracted.

The cool air down in the depths of the palsce helped sharpen his mind, helping him regain some control, sitting down to focus and breathe, doing some light exercise. There wasn't a great deal of space, but enough to stretch out.

_This is me. These are my hands upon the floor. These are my muscles contracting and relaxing. This is my body... feeling really rather warm._

There was a water spout in here, a flagon, an opportunity to re-hydrate.

_This is me. These are my lips parting. This is water upon my tongue. This is me swallowing._

_This is me. This is me._

Still warm. He took off his shirt, folding it neatly, a degree of civilisation. It was important to retain these things.

And then the door opened, bringing with it a wall of scent, so different to this sterile environment, and Thor heard himself let out an intrigued growl.

No, no, no, words... Words were good, words were good friend, nice words...

Oh...

"Hello," said a voice like silk, soft and soothing to his ears. "I was here last time. Remember me?"

Freckles. Lovely freckles, everywhere. And nice smell. Flowers, fruit.

She giggled as he rushed to her, inhaling deeply against her skin, against her neck, feeling the warmth of her body.

"Aw, I think you do. I've been looking forward to seeing you again."

He couldn't remember what that meant, pulling her close, making her squeak and giggle, reaching down to fondle him through his trousers.

"Shall we do something about this?"

_That was a question and questions require answers. That was a question..._

He moaned and thrust his hips helplessly, looking for friction, looking for anything, whining as she withdrew and dropped to her knees. He frowned, confused as she removed his clothes and leant forward...

What was she doing?

No...

He crouched down to join her, hoping she'd explain what that was, but she just laughed.

"Alright, alright," she said. "You don't like mouth stuff. That's fine. We can get right to it."

His cock twitched excitedly to see naked flesh, a quick and efficient unrobing, still crouched on the floor as she made her way to the bed and crawled onto it.

"Come on. You know what to do."

Yes, he did. She was so open, so wet...

He needed some help to actually line up properly, but then his mind was completely gone. There was only this, only heat and moaning, feeling as his knot began to swell almost immediately.

She liked being caressed as they waited afterwards, sighing happily in his arms, her skin wondrously soft and smooth and warm...

He whined urgently when she sat up, his knot deflated, upset that she was leaving. She kissed him gently, even though he couldn't kiss back. Couldn't coordinate.

"I'll be back soon," she murmured. "Do you understand? Don't worry. Some of us just need a little while to recover."

No...

The door opened behind her.

Ah.

Another.


	3. Chapter 3

It was curiosity that drove Loki down to Thor's cell, nothing more than that. He was just curious about the exact arrangement, that was all.

After all, who knew? If Thor didn't find himself a suitable long-term partner by the time he was king, perhaps it would fall on his brother to organise the necessary help. He ought to know how it was set up. And if he asked, their parents would no doubt say it was not to concern him just yet.

It definitely wasn't to fill in the gaps in his fantasy of being the one supplied with all the lovers he could handle. Certainly not.

It was simplicity itself to make himself pass unseen. Not even Heimdall would be aware of his movements through the palace and down into the secret chamber beneath. He knew exactly where it was. He'd seen Thor emerge from it once, rubbing at his arms with a faint frown on his face, hunting for memories that weren't there.

Getting through the door was more troublesome, obliging him to create an unmoving illusion while he pulled open the real one, but no matter.

And given the sights and sounds that met him, it was amazing he managed to keep any spells intact at all.

There were two women outside the cell, one approaching middle age by the look of her but still handsome, completely nude, rinsing her skin over a basin of water. Her cheeks were lightly flushed and her eyes bright, hair tousled. The other was a little younger, wearing a robe and sitting on a chair, looking somewhat nervous.

And behind them in the cell, a third was sitting astride Thor, crying out, his hands tight at her hips, thrusting up into her quickly, almost impossibly so, his eyes raking over her body like he couldn't believe what he was seeing, which Loki would quite agree with. His cock had not so much stirred as writhed at the sight before he remembered one half of the pairing was his own brother.

Still, who could blame him if he was excited by those bouncing breasts, the way her hand was rubbing urgently between her legs, the peppering of freckles over her body, the sound of flesh against flesh and a gutteral growl as Thor tugged her down hard, a distinct thickness...?

Loki couldn't help staring. He'd never seen a knot before, not in real life. Only in pictures, basic tutoring in conjugal matters. It was bizarre to see like this... Dark pink, the skin so smooth and shiny, wet from his partner. She was moaning more softly now, laying herself in his arms, being enveloped in his arms and legs and gently stroked, the very picture of satisfaction.

Given his recent frustrations, Loki was a little jealous.

"Does it not hurt?" the younger woman asked.

Her companion looked up from towelling off in some alarm and confusion.

"I thought you had been of our profession some years," she said.

"I have, but... Well, I've never..."

"Never been knotted? Never had a paired alpha?"

She shook her head, perfect blonde hair shimmering. Quite a beauty. A shame Thor wouldn't recall her afterwards.

If Loki weren't so proud as to insist on seducing all his partners from scratch, he'd even consider employing her services himself.

"Well, you don't have to if you don't wish to."

"Oh, no, I... I would like to try. I just want to know what to expect."

"Well, it... It's intense, but it swells to fit. Stretched but not pushed beyond that. His highness can be a little rough when he's excited, but he's a puppy really. Just take charge. Move him where you wish. Don't expect him to be doing anything but fucking, mind - he's not aware enough so if you want anything else touched, do it yourself. But, well... I've definitely had worse."

The woman within was trying to get up, to Thor's rather obvious distress. She giggled as he kept trying to cuddle her close once more. He didn't want her to leave.

"Ready?" the more experienced one asked.

A deep breath and the robe dropped to the floor. Loki held back his gasp. She was almost a female Thor, muscular and broad, full breasts, tight blonde curls between her legs.

She approached the cell door and opened it, stepping inside. Thor looked at her curiously, tilting his head to the side, his previous partner slipping out past her, sighing happily.

"Best I've had in a long while," she said, approaching the basin. "Ooh... I'll be feeling that in the morning."

"Shush. Turns out it's the lass's first knot. We should keep an eye on her."

Loki certainly was, even if he was trying to forget it was Thor in there with her. Or at least it was Thor's body. It clearly wasn't his mind.

She attempted a polite curtsy, not that it helped. He was staring at the door, brows furrowed.

"Prince Thor?"

His frown didn't leave. Was he rejecting her?

He didn't seem to complain when she crawled up the bed towards him and lay down. Then it was like a the sun came up behind his eyes, like he realised what he was meant to do with her, rolling on top as his cock sprang back to attention.

She gasped as he entered her without any preable - bad form, Loki felt - rolling his hips steadily, the muscles of his whole body moving in hypnotic ripples, a warm sound slipping from his throat. Like he was asking a question, or trying to.

"Oh..." she sighed in a way that had Loki almost squirming, pressing the heel of his hand against the bulge in his breeches. "Ooh, my prince... Oh, that's nice. That's... Oh!"

He was speeding up, like he couldn't tire at all, like a machine. Loki had never seen anything like it. The woman's jaw had dropped, her eyes wide, breath coming in sharp gasps. It certainly seemed... rather enjoyable for her, angling her hips upwards, one hand clearly handling the rest of her own pleasure.

Her very toes were curling as Thor threw one of her legs over his shoulder, making her cry out. He was trying to get deeper, some part of his brain telling him to.

It was obvious when it happened. He get out a strangled cry and she yelped, her body shaking and twitching with pleasure. The pain she'd feared apparently wasn't there, or else she was too overwhelmed with pleasure to notice.

How must it be to be filled like that? Not just a cock but then stretched... Was it good?

Loki frowned at himself. Those were odd questions.

"That was fast," the freckled redhead said.

"Mm. I think he's tired. At least she got hers. Let's wait for the end and get her out.

The blond was gazing up at Thor, pressing kisses to his face as he continued occasional thrusts, not kissing her back. It was like he didn't know how.

He knew how to cuddle, though, nuzzling against her as his cock returned to its usual size and slipped out, clearly almost falling asleep.

"Come on," the oldest of the women said, opening the door. "That's it for tonight."

"I... I don't mind staying with him."

"Oh, none of us would mind, but we can't be here when he wakes up. It would be very distressing for him. You wouldn't like waking up next to a stranger either, not with no memory of what you've done."

It was a little difficult for her to extricate herself from under Thor's arm, but she managed it, stepping outside and picking up her robe, perhaps a little pink around her cheeks.

"When will... this happen again?"

A shrug as they gathered their things.

"We'll be sent for. Sometimes it lasts for days on end, but sometimes just the one. You did well though."

They left, still chatting, and Loki approached the cell, gazing in at Thor's sleeping form, sprawled across the bed.

To think he'd been jealous of this. To be gone, mindless, kept in a cage. The women had enjoyed it, but Thor... Well, it wasn't really him. He had no idea of the affection they had for him, the pleasure they shared.

The sooner he could find a proper partner to calm his hormones, the better.


	4. Chapter 4

Thor woke absolutely parched. He downed what remained in his water flagon and refilled it, stretching.

_This is me. This is my arm lifting the carafe..._

Was this the next day? Or had he been in the cell for a week? They said that when he was brought food and drink that he ate and drank, that he was capable of dealing with his own needs. He couldn't remember how full his flagon had been.

He awkwardly got dressed and sat on the floor, trying to ignore the distinct smell of the room. There was no mistaking what had gone on in here.

Could he remember any of it? That was the point of his lessons, to learn to recall what he had done and gradually to become aware during it and eventually to regain control over himself.

The middle part terrified him. To be aware and conscious of what was happening, but to be unable to stop it... That was going to be hard, but he knew he had to do it to have any hope of freeing himself from this condition. With any luck, it would be extremely short-lived.

Right. Remembering. There had been... women.

Well, of course, he knew that. He wasn't remembering what he had already known. Details, details... Who was the first one? What had she looked like?

He racked his brain. Maybe he could remember a voice? A very nice voice? Or what she had smelled like even?

Maybe she had had freckles. He seemed to recall freckles.

It really wasn't a lot, was it?

Surely there was something else he could bring to mind? Anything. How many there had been for one thing?

Had there been a blonde? He thought maybe there had been a blonde.

Yes, he couldn't recall her face or what exactly they had done together, but he remembered that when she entered the cell, when the door had opened, his mind had sharpened just a little. Just for a moment. For a second.

And then it all went vague again.

It felt like hours before they came for him, letting him report to his father's office immediately.

"How was it?" Odin asked. "Were you able to implement your lessons?"

"I... I think I remember freckles. And I think a blonde woman. That's all."

Odin sighed.

"I suppose that is better than nothing," he said. "But you really need to apply yourself, not just in lessons but throughout your day. Vigilance is a vital part of a ruler's life. Allow nothing to escape your notice."

"I shall," Thor said, keeping his expression and tone as neutral as he could.

His father waved him off.

"Go and recover."

A bath was Thor's first priority. Trying to wash away what he'd done.

He knew the women who came to him were carefully chosen for their discretion and that they knew exactly what would occur and that they were free to refuse at any time, but he couldn't quite shake the feeling that it was wrong. He couldn't control himself, what if he... hurt someone?

He lazed in the cool water trying not to despair about his lack of progress. He needed a distraction but a distinct twinge in his hips suggested he had pulled a muscle at some point and that meant strenuous training might be out of the question.

Sif would be running drills and Fandral would be unwise company - he didn't want to hear about any attempted or successful wooings - and he believed Volstagg was with his family, extending their house for a bit of extra space. And while Hogun was a dear friend, perhaps his stoic approach wasn't exactly what Thor needed.

Well, that settled it, then. He'd go and annoy Loki.

Or rather, he'd try not to be annoying, but no doubt he would be despite his best efforts.

After checking a few of his brother's usual haunts, he found him deep in the library. Really, he ought to have checked there first.

Despite his attempts to sneak in, Loki spotted him immediately, looking almost alarmed.

"You're back," he said. "So soon."

"It seems so," Thor said, shrugging. "What are you doing?"

"Nothing of importance. Just reading."

He'd always been the more studious one.

"Would you like to... I don't know, do something?" Thor asked. "Go riding perhaps?"

"In need of distraction?"

"I just need to take my mind off the worrying."

Loki frowned at him, concerned, that expression that was so like Mother's even though their faces were very different shapes.

"Worrying? Why would you be worrying?"

Thor wasn't sure he really wanted to talk about it. Then again, Loki was probably the only person he _could_ talk about it with. None of his friends knew the truth of why he was sometimes taken unwell. Mother and Father... No, he couldn't talk to them.

Still, though he and Loki were close and he suspected his brother led an exciting private life, they didn't ever discuss the details of it.

Maybe it would help, though.

"You know that I have no control when my condition hits?"

"I've gathered, yes."

"I'm so dangerous that they put me in a cage, but then they send those women in... I'm terrified that I might hurt them. I don't think it can possibly be safe. I... I'm not myself."

Loki patted him awkwardly on the shoulder.

"They're not clueless maidens, Thor. They're experienced women who know exactly what they're going to find. Besides, I'm sure they must have a fail-safe in place."

"Such as?"

"I don't know. Maybe they have a mage who can knock you out if you get too grabby. That's what I'd do. Or maybe they tie you up."

"No, they don't do that."

"I thought you didn't remember anything?"

Was that suspicion in his voice? Did he think Thor was pretending, acting like this to... to have sex with many women? Could he really think something so dreadful?

"I don't, but of they did then I'd wake up bound, wouldn't I? They wouldn't untie me while I was still a risk."

"No, that makes sense. I'll finish up here if you'll see to the horses."

He'd closed his book and tried to subtly cover the spine with his hand, no doubt plotting some kind of mischief. Thor elected to give him the privacy he would want himself and didn't try to pry.

At least animals couldn't judge him for being like them, he thought gloomily, dismissing the grooms and handling his own bridles and saddles. They were very calm beasts, bred for war and now kept purely for ceremony and excursion.

Loki caught up with him fairly quickly, tugging on his riding gloves with an elegance Thor envied.

"Tell me outright," he said. "What exactly is it you want - a kind ear to listen to your woes or someone to distract you from them?"

Thor tightened the belly straps on his mount and began fussing with the stirrups.

"I wish I knew," he said. "A little of both perhaps."

Loki smiled at him, already leading his horse out of the stable.

"Then I will try to be distracting right up until you want to talk," he said. "If you want to talk, of course. Don't feel obliged."

Already Thor was starting to feel a little calmer.

This had been a good decision after all.


	5. Chapter 5

It was fortunate that Thor exhibited no curiosity whatsoever, really.

Loki had been deep in the medical section of the library, trying to find out what in the nine was wrong with him.

Even with all the images he would ever need of ecstatic partners, filled and sated, and a clearer understanding of how the whole cell arrangement worked to improve his fantasies of being brought an endless line of eager bedmates, he'd spent much of the evening wondering exactly what it was like to be in the other position.

He'd never particularly felt the urge to try before. Of course, he'd been with other men, he knew it was possible, he knew how to prepare, even, but for himself... Well, he'd never particularly wanted to try and his past partners had all been happy with his preferred arrangement.

But now it was a curiosity he couldn't shake, and more than that, he had a strong, inexplicable desire to experience being knotted and that worried him enough to go and look up a healer's textbook on the subject.

On the one hand, it had been rather encouraging. After all, there was no guarantee that he wouldn't bond with another man and that they may enjoy both configurations, as it were. That was normal.

But there was absolutely nothing about being curious about being knotted. Was that included? Were you meant to just take that as part of it? Or were two alphas bonding such a rare event that there was no literature on the subject?

If only he could find someone to help him try...

But then the trouble was that the only alphas who knotted tended to be in long-term partnerships, dramatically reducing the number who might consider indulging him and his questions.

There were still those who were unfaithful, of course, and those who had lost their mates, but they didn't exactly advertise.

If he thought about it, maybe he'd been with a female alpha once. There had been an illicit tryst with a visiting dignitary's attache and at the end it had been like a vice squeezing around his cock, trying to hold him in place. But she'd seemed quite surprised that that had happened so he couldn't be sure.

It was the feeling of being knotted from the inside though, that's what he wanted to know about. Maybe there were... tools he could experiment with.

Not right now. Now he had to focus on Thor, on shaking him out of this despondency before it started raining.

"So besides all that, what's occupying you of late? Still being taught statecraft?"

"I'm trying," Thor said, gently urging his mount forwards, his hips rocking. Loki tried not to remember having seen that very motion in very different circumstances. "But it is dreadfully boring."

"It's necessary, though. Besides, you like being well thought of. Think of what they'll call you once you master it. Thor the Wise. The Insightful."

"As long as they call me anything other than Thor the Huge Liability, I'll be happy."

"Oh, I don't know about that," Loki teased. "Thor the Impulsive is the current front-runner, I think, ever since that time when you insisted in joining in with the Elves' ceremonial wrestling."

"They should have stopped me!"

"You know full well that they tried. They were just too subtle."

"People ought to just say what they mean."

Loki made rather a hobby of not saying what he meant if he could possibly avoid it.

"Thor the Honest," he said instead. "That one has a nice ring to it. But secrets have their place all the same. I expect that will show up in your lessons sooner or later."

"I'll just get you to keep all my secrets for me. You're better at it than me."

He was forever doing this, Loki thought slightly bitterly. Just assuming Loki would be there to keep an eye on him and everyone else. Which he probably would, but not necessarily.

He might marry a princess and go off to be king somewhere else. And then where would Thor be?

More or less alright, perhaps.

"I fear I have enough secrets of my own to be getting on with before adding any of yours."

Thor seemed to consider that for a few moments, his lips slightly downturned.

"Go on, then," he said eventually.

"What?"

"Tell me a secret."

Loki's mind immediately flew to his recent desires, horrified, feeling his eyes widen.

"No! If I tell you, then they're not secrets."

"Nothing big, just... I don't know. One of your private escapades."

"Thor, I really don't think you actually want to know about my sex life and if you think about it for a moment, I'm sure you'll recognise that."

"So you do have one, then."

"What?"

"A sex life."

What in the nine was going on?

"Of course. Don't you?"

If he wasn't mistaken, Thor was a little embarrassed now. Well, serve him right. He'd insisted on pursuing this line of conversation.

"I don't, actually," Thor said, clearly trying to shrug casually but not managing it very convincingly. "I'm a virgin."

Loki burst out laughing.

"Have you forgotten that you regularly spend nights making what I'm sure is extremely passionate love to multiple women?"

"But I don't remember it, so mentally..."

"You're _mentally_ still a virgin? That's one of the most ridiculous things I've ever heard."

"It's how I have to think about it. You know, I've not had that nervous first time, I've never made a connection like that with someone else. One day, perhaps, but... I'd like it to be special."

Oh. Well...

"That's very noble of you."

"Oh, Loki, don't tease me."

"I am being sincere! It's your body and if you don't want to share it with other people, that's up to you."

"Mm. Well, it's less _not wanting to_ and more being scared to. Is it really as good as everyone says?"

This wasn't quite the discussion Loki had been expecting to have.

"It depends," he shrugged. "On the other person, on the general mood. It's best when it's fun, I find."

Thor half smiled at him.

"True of most things, probably. Race you to the top of the hill?"

Loki let him win.


	6. Chapter 6

Gradually, Thor thought he was getting better. His lessons continued as usual and he was managing to keep his mind focussed far better.

All the same, he felt a little guilty when his friends asked after his health. They thought he had some kind of recurring stomach complaint or something that sometimes left him debilitated for days at a time.

He'd invited Loki to join them for the evening, keen to continue the good relationship that seemed to be growing, but he claimed to have important magical experiments running that he simply had to monitor. Thor wasn't totally convinced, but let him excuse himself.

It was good to be out and about with friends, carefree, away from all his worries - not just the big ones, but the small ones too and the ones that sat in the back of his mind almost constantly; that he wasn't good enough or smart enough or just enough in general.

Apparently everyone felt like that sometimes, however difficult Thor found that to believe.

He was pleasantly tipsy, not drunk but he'd definitely had one ale more than was probably wise, half listening to Fandral and Volstagg debating the merits of heavy weapons versus precision. Hogun was watching the two of them, presumably about to deliver a devastating lecture to unpick both their arguments.

Sif looked bored, he noticed.

"What do you think?" he asked quietly.

"I think the benefits of any tool are directly linked to the skill of the user. And this idea that ranged attacks are cowardly is just stupid. Bravery is all very well until you're dead."

He nodded vaguely, a little tired.

She was looking at something over his shoulder, a tiny frown passing her face for a moment.

"There's a woman staring at you," she said.

Thor shrugged. It happened. He was a prince and, he liked to think, not entirely unattractive. People stared sometimes.

"Well, I'm not interested," he said. "She can stare if she likes. I don't mind."

"No, it's... I don't know, it's different from normal. She's not trying to get your attention. She's kind of trying to hide, I think."

Even though he shouldn't, Thor looked round, spotting a hooded figure hurriedly turning away and then bolting for the door.

"What did she look like?" he asked.

Sif made a non-committal noise.

"Blonde. Pretty, I guess, if you like that kind of thing."

Even though it was highly unlikely, Thor felt a little shiver of fear. A blonde? One of the only memories he thought he had from his last... incident was of a blonde.

Could it be the same woman? Surely not. Just a coincidence.

It had shaken him all the same.

"I think it's about time I retired," he said.

She looked a little concerned.

"Are you feeling alright?"

"Yes. Never better. Just, you know, trying to be sensible. Got to start some time. Loki would tell me I'm setting a dangerous precedent, but, well..."

He bid them all goodnight, keen not to curtail their enjoyment, but a little unnerved as he made his way back to the palace, concerned that he was being followed.

It was ridiculous really. So there'd been a blonde woman, so what? There had to be hundreds, thousands of them in Asgard. It didn't mean anything.

And besides, Sif might be mistaken. She could have been staring at anyone or anything. It was pretty arrogant to assume it was at him.

And what was she going to do? Reveal his secret and be locked up for betraying such an important secret? Or try to seduce him while he was in his right mind? Plenty had tried and failed, even when he'd wanted to go with them.

He had more or less calmed down by the time he entered the corridor where his and Loki's chambers were held, a bottle of wine from the kitchens held loosely in his hand.

Would Loki care to join him? He wasn't sure.

But they'd been getting on so well of late...

Maybe it was worth a try. And company would help to free him from his ridiculous worries too.

He knocked and almost immediately regretted it. What if he was interrupting something important? What if he ruined whatever Loki had been working on?

The door opened a sliver, Loki's frowning face emerging along with a distinct smell.

Oh...

"Yes?" he said once Thor had paused for much too long.

"Uh... Just... wondered if you'd like a glass of wine, but you... Er, you have company. I'll go."

"No," Loki said. "I don't have... Just give me a moment and I'll come join you."

He closed the door with more than a little haste.

Try to extend a friendly hand and end up embarrassing them both.

Great job, Thor thought bitterly.


	7. Chapter 7

Loki wasn't quite sure what had possessed him of late. His curiosity had led to some experiments with his fingers which had been... gratifying, but difficult. He'd got the hang of the basics, but it was quite a difficult angle to maintain. His wrist kept getting sore.

And then the idea of tools had once more presented itself in his mind.

Obviously he couldn't be seen purchasing anything like that. After managing to put Thor off dragging him out to socialise, he'd gone in disguise. A very good disguise. No one would suspect the dark-haired woman sidling through the dark side of town was really Asgard's second prince.

It was just an illusion, of course, but good enough to pass as long as no one touched him.

Of course, the first hurdle had been finding where such products could be bought. He prided himself on knowing a fair amount of shady business, ways of going unseen and of manipulation, but somehow his knowledge hadn't extended to... adult toys.

There seemed to be ample opportunity to rent company for the night in the area he'd come to, but that was almost the complete opposite of what he wanted. He wanted something to allow him to achieve everything he wanted on his own.

It took a little wandering of the streets, ignoring a few attempted propositions, looking surreptitiously into shop windows of cheap booze, potions of dubious quality, garish lights, before he saw something more likely.

It was a clothing boutique, of sorts, if you could call these wisps of lace and bands of leather clothing. Some of them were distinctly... harnesses. And apparently they could be made in all sizes.

He braved the dark doorway and pushed open the door.

It was surprisingly clean. Somehow he hadn't expected that. Someone was clearly very proud of their establishment.

There was a clicking sound from the back, machinery running, a woman's face appearing from behind a curtain, curly black hair tinged with grey, wise eyes.

"Good evening," she said, looking him up and down. "I've not seen you before. New in town?"

"No," Loki said, lifting the tone of his voice just a little, settling into a warm alto. "Just my first time here. I'm looking for something specific."

Pursed lips, a faint tilt of the head.

"Intimate wear?" she asked.

Should he be coy or just get it over with?

"Not exactly. Intimate, certainly, but not clothing. I'm looking for a more... functional item."

She nodded, understanding, pulling out a drawer.

"I don't keep these things on display in the unlikely event that we get children coming in."

Loki was staring. She'd revealed a vast selection of... Well, phalluses. Made of glass mainly. And some of them looked decidedly uncomfortable, but presumably someone wanted that kind of thing.

He couldn't see what he wanted, though. And he hadn't come all this way to buy one that was nearly right.

"I want one that will give the sensation of knotting," he said. "I'm to be wed soon. I don't want to be surprised."

A smile spread over her face.

"I see. I have just the thing."

It was hidden away behind the counter, a strange, shiny, midnight blue object, a normal shaft but then a slightly tapered bulb at the end.

It wouldn't quite be the same, but he'd at least find out how it was to be filled.

He bought it immediately and hurried his way back to the palace, heart hammering for fear of being caught, even though he knew that was impossible.

Somehow in the privacy of his room, it looked terrifyingly large. How had he ever thought that would fit?

Maybe he ought to build up to it. Just the tip at first.

It was extremely slippery as soon as oil got involved. All the same, it was a little frustrating. Maybe he was too tense.

He tried to prepare himself like he did his lovers, maybe a little rougher, taking a second finger sooner than he was really ready, hissing as he tried to stretch himself enough.

The end was slender. Surely he could...

More oil, cold against his heated skin, lining it up and pushing...

Deep breaths. Relax, relax. Soon he would master this, and he'd know this pleasure for himself, be able to enjoy it whenever he wished.

Maybe it was because the shaft was so unyielding that he was having trouble. After much struggling, he managed to bear down enough to take about an inch of it and even that felt like a lot. There was no point in even trying to push it in any further. He didn't want to hurt himself.

Still, it was not unpleasant. He rolled it in little circles, gasping at the strange sensation, so different to his fingers, letting it slide out a little only to push it back in.

He imagined teasing some lover, promising to let them have him, only to deny them and drive their lust ever higher, awaiting his whim for when he'd finally let them fill him up properly and attempt to please him.

Imagining the eventual sensation, being filled and then stretched, was enough to grant him at least a little satisfaction, spilling over his hand while testing a little of his limits so far.

Which was, of course, when Thor decided to knock on his door and invite him to take some wine with him.

Something had driven him away from his friends, clearly. He couldn't very well deny him company, even if he did have to wash first.

It was amazing he wasn't blushing for the rest of the night.


	8. Chapter 8

Thor was _mortified_ to have interrupted such a private moment, hurrying to his own rooms and pouring the wine in readiness.

It would have been worse if there had been another person present, he thought, but all the same.

Then again, Loki had lied to him. So much for magical experiments. Unless it was some sort of sex magic. He'd heard of that but generally assumed it was a myth. Maybe not. Maybe it had been... ceremonial masturbation.

The smell of soap wafted in as Loki opened his door, his hair a little damp. He'd washed up quickly, it seemed. Freshened up. And now he was perching on the other side of Thor's couch, reaching for the other glass, taking a long draught.

Thor knew he ought to apologise, but the awkwardness was just too much and so he did as he always did and just barrelled through.

"There was a lot of discussion about weapons in the tavern tonight," he said. "About which is best - heavy or light, ranged or close. What do you think?"

Loki gave him a look that told him he was about as transparent as the windows, but evidently he'd humour him.

"Why choose? Magic can do all those things and more. Honestly, I don't know why there's such misgivings about it."

"Well, it's not traditional..."

"Nor is bringing down huge great bolts of lightning."

Hmm. Fair point. And that was magic, sort of. Mjölnir was magical in her own right and he just pointed her the right way and pushed. Or so it felt to him.

"Not everyone is as talented as you," he said.

"It's not talent. It's application and patience. You know, other realms train much earlier than we do. I hate to imagine what we'd do to counter proper magic users in war."

Thor shrugged.

"The Jotuns are strong mages and we managed them well enough."

"A thousand years ago and only just. If the peace were to falter, I dare say they could repay us the favour twice over."

This was hardly the diverting conversation he'd been hoping for. Rather too serious, really. Thor swirled his wine around his mouth, trying to regain his earlier relaxation.

"A good thing that Laufey doesn't want war any more than we do, then," he said.

Loki laughed, leaning back against the couch finally, rolling his eyes.

"Come on, Thor. You'd love an excuse to test your skills on a real battlefield. You'd love songs written about you and your... prowess."

Interesting word choice, but Thor didn't think much of it.

"They'd have to sing about you too," he said. "You wouldn't let me go out there alone, would you?"

Loki pretended to think about it, smiling all the while.

"No," he said. "No, I wouldn't. Can't let you have all the glory."

Thor kept drinking and let his fears drift away, warm and safe in his brother's company, talking idly about how they'd each approach the tactical challenges of a proper war until he was being nudged awake and advised to go to bed.

"Mm-hm," he mumbled. "In a minute."

He woke up on his couch, face squished against it.

Loki had laid a blanket over him, an unexpectedly tender gesture. Thor rubbed it against his face, warm and soft, and felt grateful to be loved so.

He attended lessons with his father with a slight headache. Nothing too bad, certainly not a hangover. Thor Odinson did not get hangovers.

In fact, having a little twinge made it easier for him to focus. Something to really pin his mind to.

"Did you have a good evening last night?" Odin asked.

_That is a question and requires an answer..._

"Fair. I went out with friends for a time. Came back and shared some wine with Loki. Talked a lot of nonsense."

"What kind of nonsense?"

This was strange. Father didn't generally care how he spent his spare time so long as he wasn't getting into too much trouble. He paid attention to Loki even less.

"Uh... Jotunheim, a bit."

There was a strange pause.

"What about Jotunheim?"

"How we'd approach another war. Loki says their mages are very impressive and that would certainly be something to consider."

"And how would Loki know that?"

This was unexpectedly harsh questioning. Perhaps it was meant to unsettle him, test his focus. Thor carefully centred himself, keeping his breathing steady, his heartbeat calm.

"No doubt he's read it somewhere. He's very diligent about such things."

That seemed to soothe his curiosity, proclaiming their lesson a success and letting Thor go.

He took himself down to the training yard finding some sparring partners to work on his combat skills with, even as his head continued to complain. And what was so bad about thinking about Jotunheim anyway? It wasn't like they were planning to go over there and pick a fight with Laufey.

He fought through two einharjar and then met Hogun, twirling a blunted practice mace calmly between his hands.

"You left early last night," he commented mildly.

"Yes. I was tired. I trust you won the debate."

They had moved into step patterns, muscle memory taking over. Forward, block, parry, strike... Almost like a dance.

"Of course," Hogun said. "Though I think Sif had already made much the same argument to you. It depends on the person what tool is best. Mjölnir is a great instrument, but she would be useless to me. And likewise that toothpick Fandral calls a rapier."

And likewise Loki's magic.

By the time it was time to dine, Thor felt that he had built up a fine appetite.

It was a shame that Loki seemed to be in something of a foul mood all of a sudden, merely eating with barely a word before leaving them.

His mother sighed a little. She knew something he didn't, as usual.

"Do you think he will want company?" Thor asked.

"No," she said. "I think he'll want some time alone."


	9. Chapter 9

Loki had been having such a good day. He'd discovered just how right the women were about how difficult Thor was to rouse once he'd fallen asleep, eventually just bringing a cover from his bed to keep him warm, glad that at least he wasn't trying to sleep in his armour.

And then he'd slept in and woken with the comfortable warmth of being properly rested and without any pressing duties for the day as far as he knew.

In his sleep, he'd formulated a plan for getting the sensation he wanted. His discussion of application and training with Thor had clearly inspired him.

It was too much to expect his body to accommodate such a device right away. He would have to work up to it, spend more time with his fingers in the pursuit of experience rather than pleasure.

He considered inviting guests to his bed to help, but the idea didn't appeal. This was... private somehow.

In some ways he was surprised at himself; he never normally had any qualms about seeking out whatever he desired and no problem in finding willing partners, but this felt like something he wanted to pursue alone.

A journey of self-discovery. Once that merited anticipation. Ceremony almost.

He had been working through various magical experiments in the early afternoon and looking forward to the evening when his mother arrived, ostensibly to spend time with him but really to interrogate him, it turned out.

It had been the best possible training in his youth to learn from her, the resources of a natural but honed skill and physical demonstration better than anything he could read in books. The foundation of his power had all come from her.

They were just playing for the most part, conjuring colourful mists and swirls of light, nothing too big. Small illusions far below Loki's true skill level.

"Thor said you were talking of Jotunheim last night," Frigga said, spiriting blue birds from nothing.

"Indeed. What of it?" Loki asked, matching her flock with one of his own, emerald green.

"I just wondered why."

"No particular reason. We were merely talking. Nothing of consequence."

She smiled at him, vanishing the birds in a cloud of shadow feathers.

"It's good you two are spending time together, but your father worries when you talk of war or conflict. He worked so hard to instill how important avoidance of such things are."

Loki snorted.

"Our entire culture is based on war, Mother. Every story of Father's greatness comes from conquering some foe or other. War will return and we must be ready for it. It's inevitable."

He'd been too blunt. Maybe somewhere in her mind, he was still her littlest child and hearing him speak openly of such unpleasant things was worrying.

"You shouldn't concern yourself with what are only potential threats."

"Why not? It will be my responsibility one day, Thor's and mine. Thor will be my responsibility, come to that."

"In what way?"

He'd overstepped and he knew it. Time to dispel suspicion. Keep discussion away from Thor's condition and what exactly he did and didn't know about it.

"He's reckless. He acts first and regrets later."

"That is a trait you share, however much you might want to deny it. You think you plan well, but you are just as reactionary as he is in the right situation."

"All the more reason that we ought to learn more about real tactics rather than old stories with the failures left out. Even Father must have made mistakes. Let us learn from them."

A smile, but one he recognised. The one that told him he was about to be lied to.

Well, not lied to as such. Just that she wasn't going to answer him properly and that the matter would then be considered closed.

"Don't let him hear you saying things like that. You're young, Loki. You should enjoy yourself before the concerns of the world fall upon you. Don't worry about your brother."

It was irritating. Maybe she ought to know just how many worries he had.

"I'm neither a child nor stupid. You think I don't know that Thor's condition is growing worse? That his lessons are not yet effective? He does talk to me sometimes."

She laid a hand on his shoulder, squeezing just a hair harder than felt necessary.

"Thor will learn to control himself," she said. "And, as I say, you are not to worry about that."

Maybe he wanted to worry about it. Thor was his only brother, after all, and despite their fights they did care about one another. He'd heard Thor talk about his fears, the things he'd never mention to their parents and he knew how scared he was.

"What if he doesn't?" he asked.

"Then he will be married and his hormones will regulate themselves."

That sounded very final...

"And what if Thor doesn't want to be married?"

She tilted her head to the side like she was confused.

"Has he said that to you?"

He hadn't, but that felt interesting.

"What if he has?"

"I would find it surprising, that's all."

Thor wanted to form a real connection with his lovers from what Loki had gleaned from him. An arranged marriage wouldn't sit well with him.

"I still don't understand why a late night conversation required such intense questioning," he said, changing the subject. "We were not planning an invasion."

She sighed lightly.

"The truce with Jotunheim is more delicate than most know," she said. "If it were to come to light that Asgard's princes were discussing how best to kill its citizens..."

"Well, if it's a risk then we ought to know these things. What if Father were to fall into his sleep? What if Thor's condition struck on the battlefield?"

"Loki. Stop. That will not happen."

"It might."

She fixed him with a gentle but unfliching look.

"It displeases your father when you talk of Jotunheim and I would therefore ask you to refrain from doing so."

"Very well," Loki lied.

It was clear that she knew he was upset, but was it really a surprise? Now even their idle chatter was restricted.

He spent much of the rest of the day in a foul mood, unable to spirit up any enthusiasm for his new personal project even.

And it made him all the more determined to read everything he could about the stupid ice realm and the stupid giants that lived there.


	10. Chapter 10

Thor tried knocking on Loki's door in the morning, hoping that he'd have burned his bad mood out overnight, but he wasn't there.

He found him in the library again, apparently from early in the morning, fervently taking notes.

"Reading anything interesting?" Thor asked, sitting down opposite.

"Very," Loki said, not even looking up. "All about Jotunheim to annoy our dear father."

Thor was somewhat discomforted by that. Had he accidentally got Loki into trouble by mentioning their conversation? But why would that be a problem? Why would that be forbidden?

Unless the situation between their realms was more uncertain than he thought... And that was worrying.

"It's fascinating really," Loki said. "We know so little of even Jotun traditions and physiology. Did you know that they don't even have male and female as we do?"

"How in the nine does that work?"

"As far as I understand it, they are all both. Or neither, I suppose. They can all sire and bear children, excluding medical reasons that prevent it."

"Do they have alphas?"

"I think so. You've met female alphas before - some seem more like them. I expect it just depends which way round works for each couple. Personal preference."

Thor hadn't been aware of meeting too many female alphas before, though he knew they existed, of course. It wasn't something that he tended to ask anyone about, regardless of sex.

He nodded along, like he'd known dozens, even while his mind whirled.

How did it work? Some kind of... vaginal knot, presumably. Gripping their partner tightly enough to leave them tied.

That sounded like it could be quite fun.

"I can't imagine a pregnant Laufey," he said. "Do you think he... You know? Would he be the one who...?"

"I believe they venerate childbirth, so I expect so, yes. It's important for inheritance. The king's child, birthed by him."

The very idea was so bizarre. He couldn't imagine that imposing figure holding a child, let alone bearing one. Then again, he couldn't imagine any pregnant Jotuns, for about five seconds before Loki turned the book towards him, pointing out the drawings in silver grey and darkest blue of figures wrapped in strange, sparse but beautiful clothing, proudly displaying their rounded bellies.

"They look very happy," Thor observed awkwardly. "Are those... ceremonial robes?"

"Mm. Well, most cultures have fertility rites," Loki said with a casual tone that somehow made Thor embarrassed. "You should know. It's your domain, isn't it?"

"That's the land. It's not... This."

"I don't know. I'm sure you could sire a thousand bastards if you put your mind to it. It's not as though you don't understand the mechanics."

Suddenly Thor felt a little overwarm. Beyond blushing. Which was mortifying, really. The crown prince of Asgard, virile alpha, embarrassed by a little mention of the birds and the bees...

"I think I need some fresh air," he said vaguely, practically knocking his chair over as he stood up.

Oh, the look of concern almost burned him. That slight hint of pity almost. He knew exactly where Loki's mind had leapt.

"Are you alright?" Loki asked. "It's not... that? Not so soon, surely."

"No. No, it's not. I'm completely in my own mind."

"Then what?"

"I just don't like... talking about that kind of thing. Sex is one thing, but... reproduction is quite another. It's different."

He was ridiculous and he knew it. Loki seemed thoroughly baffled, shrugging.

"I didn't know you felt so strongly," he said.

"There's just a lot of expectation, that's all. I'd prefer to put all of that off into the distant future. When I'm ready for it."

 _If_ I'm ever ready for it, he added internally. Parenthood seemed terrifying. What if his children ended up like him, with the same condition? He had no reason to believe it was hereditary, but equally no evidence that it wouldn't be...

"I wasn't exactly suggesting that you knock up the next wench you meet," Loki said, maybe a little curtly. "Just that I wouldn't be surprised if you could what with all your..."

He waved a hand vaguely at Thor's entire being and put a little doubt into his mind. Surely just because he was lean, Loki didn't think...

"You could too," Thor said. "I'm amazed you haven't already, to be honest."

"I'm careful."

"Well, they're very lucky. To have you, I mean. Even for just a night. Or more than one, if you wanted that, not that you should necessarily, I mean, it's up to you if..."

"Thor. Stop talking."

A few years ago that might have been a challenge or an excuse for a fight, but now it was a welcome reprieve, letting him scurry away before he said anything else to embarrass himself.

When he glanced back from the library door, he found Loki watching him in good-natured amusement, giving him a little wave.

Thor smiled and set off to do something he was actually good at rather than trying to say what he meant.

On his way out to the training yard, his eye was drawn to a flash of gold, a figure retreating down a side street.

Was that the woman from the bar? The same one?

"Hey!" he called. "Wait!"

She didn't.

And by the time he chased her round the corner, she'd vanished.


	11. Chapter 11

Well, not everyone could have a way with words, Loki supposed, shaking his head a little and definitely not reacting to the way he'd felt a tint bit of excitement at the idea of Thor succumbing to his condition again.

Even though it was voyeuristic and terrible, he quite liked the idea of sneaking back in and watching Thor with his ladies.

He was just curious, that was all. It was one thing to know about knotting from books and another to see in real life.

Speaking of which, some of the descriptions he'd read of Jotunheim from more courteous eras were utterly stunning and he wished he could see it for himself. Glittering frozen seas, full of ice floes and great beasts of the frigid depths, natural stone structures and seige-worthy cities... It sounded utterly fascinating.

Wars were all well and good, but the aftermath where inter-realm travel was forbidden and communication was virtually non-existant was very inconvenient.

Though, of course, that kind of thing didn't really apply to him. It was for... other people. With less imagination.

Heimdall would never let him out of Asgard without parental permission, but that could easily be out-manoeuvred with the right knowledge. He already knew the theory of how to bypass the Bifrost, even though he never had.

It was simple, really. You just needed to find the right place and apply just the right amount of friction.

Speaking of which...

He'd gotten up very early by his standards. Surely he could therefore take a little break. Catch up on... some personal things.

He put the books on Jotunheim carefully back on their shelves, wiping off the dust just to make it obvious that someone had touched them, and retired to his rooms, pleasantly anticipatory.

What he really needed, he thought, was plentiful supplies of his favourite oil, the fragrant one that he'd used so much that even similar scents in completely unrelated circumstances was enough to make him feel stirrings. It was particularly inconvenient when the occasional spiced soup had just a hint of it, catapulting him back to pleasant memories.

His body still wasn't entirely sure about fingers, but was growing more used to the idea. But it wasn't enough. It wasn't what he wanted and, as usual, he was impatient.

He might speak to Thor of application and the importance of practice and patience, but deep down he'd always responded well to instant results. Waiting and waiting, barely making any progress?

Not if he could possibly help it.

It took a lot of work, a lot of wincing and squirming and added oil and believing in himself but finally, _finally..._

Gasps rang in his ears as he felt something give, a muscle finally relaxing, letting the bulk of the shaft slide smoothly into him.

Oh, he was so full... He'd never felt anything like it before. He wasn't sure how it felt though.

It wasn't... unpleasant necessarily. The sensation was strange more than anything.

Maybe if he...

Oh, moving it was good, good enough to make him sigh in pleasure. His neglected cock began to thicken up, feeling distinctly more interested in proceedings.

And his body kept _clenching,_ something he'd experienced from the other perspective, but he'd never realised that it felt good to tighten around something.

It was like his body knew what would feel good, his nerves alight, just the right side of raw. Sensitive, that was the word.

He could imagine being with someone in this way, having a warm body between his legs, arching upwards, having someone else's moans around him, murmuring praise and encouragement, feeling as their knot began to swell within him...

However, try as he might, despite the tapering, his body refused to yield to the wider part. It was deeply, deeply frustrating, even as his body thrummed with pleasure, a climax easily within his grasp.

He took it, pressing the phallus into a particularly pleasant spot that he'd discovered and stroking his cock, spilling with an intensity that would normally be more than satisfying but...

But he still wanted more.

Maybe he didn't have the right kind of tool. After all, it didn't expand. As far as he understood, a knot expanded to fit, not beyond that, tempered by natural dimensions. It was not such a blunt instrument.

He sighed among his pillows, feeling open and delicate but mainly slightly irritated. He could take a cock now, but he'd need an alpha really to experience the full effect he wanted and the only one he knew was Thor, so obviously...

Obviously that was not possible.

After a little while, he got up, thinking to wash, hoping he hadn't made himself too tender to sit down properly.

And then he heard a clattering out in the corridor.


	12. Chapter 12

Strike and parry and turn and thrust...

Sif tried to knock Thor's feet from under him and almost succeeded, forcing him to change his stance which gave her just enough of an opening to strike him in the chest.

He caught her staff before the second blow, pulling her off her feet but grunting as she used the motion to her advantage and kicked him in the thigh.

"Alright," he panted. "Alright, truce."

She frowned like he'd said something completely nonsensical.

"Are you feeling quite well?" she asked. "Not like you to give up."

Thor rankled, offended.

"I'm not giving up," he insisted. "I'm... taking a breather."

"Well, not like you to take a breather, then."

She was right and he knew it. The truth was that he was distracted. He was becoming more and more convinced that it had been the same woman. Being stared at once was one thing, but twice? That was the kind of thing that made him nervous.

After all, she might be an assassin or something.

Or maybe that was ridiculous and he'd just seen two blonde-haired women going about their business. It was hardly an uncommon trait.

Sif's face was creased with concern, her lips in a thin, tense line.

"You can talk to me, you know," she said. "Volstagg has a lot of experience and Hogun is wise and Fandral is good for distraction, but if you need just an ear to actually listen, then I'm here for you."

He squeezed her shoulder gratefully.

"I know," he said. "And I value that. I'm afraid I find myself concerned with things that ought not concern me. And things that ought to, of course. Future wars, future loves, future duties I may have to fulfil..."

"Are they planning to arrange a marriage for you?"

Now, that was a thought. He didn't quite follow her logic, but maybe there was something in that.

"I don't know. I don't think so. Not yet, anyway."

Mjölnir flew to his hand with but a thought, comfortingly solid, like a talisman. It was yet another worry. Surely he couldn't be wed until he learned to control himself. They said he would calm down once paired, but no one had ever told him how they knew that. Did he have to be in love with them? Was it merely a matter of time, of synchronicity with his spouse?

"I like to think they'd warn me in advance," he laughed, covering up his concern with brash words as usual.

Sif smiled in return, though there was still some misgivings barely concealed behind it.

"Maybe you need to get away for a few days," she said. "It feels like years since you last came camping."

It had been years. Ever since his trouble had manifested, Thor had been afraid to leave the palace. He had to be near his cell. He couldn't risk the fever coming over him in public.

"My place is here," he said.

Those large dark eyes told him all he needed to know. She knew. She knew he was withdrawing, she could see him rejecting her attempts at help.

He sighed.

"I am unwell, Sif. I can't be away from the healers. I don't even travel to other realms amymore - Loki has taken that burden for me."

"And he enjoys it very much, from what I hear. So many new friends."

Thor bristled a little. What exactly was she suggesting?

"What my brother does with other consenting adults is up to him," be said.

"Of course. I meant no offence."

All the same, something close to a protective concern had risen in Thor's breast. He did not mind Loki sharing his bed with whomever he chose of course, but this was the first time he'd heard of him bedding those he met during his inter-realm business. It felt somehow... dangerous.

There could be blackmail material there, for instance, or rumours that Asgard's second prince could be swayed via a pretty face and willing moans.

As a brother, and older too, perhaps he ought to give a word of warning.

"Excuse me," he said, heading towards the bath house. "I fear I am not in the right mood for sparring after all."

A quick scrub later and he made his way through the palace towards Loki's rooms. Just to have a word. Better that it came from him rather than Father after all.

A wave of scent hit him as he entered the corridor in their wing of the palace. Spicy and sweet, and with an undercurrent of sharpness.

He felt it within his veins, like his blood had been replaced with boiling water. Physically hot.

Oh, no... No, no...

_This is me. These are my legs turning around..._

Mjölnir slipped from his grasp, clanging to the floor as he tried his best to make his limbs behave.

He could hardly remember which way to go, hearing himself grunt, the cool stone of the wall refreshing against his head as he leant against it, struggling to put one foot in front of the other.

The creak of a door hinge echoed through his brain, that wonderful smell becoming all the stronger, making him almost moan with want.

_This is me... I'm in control..._

"Thor?" Loki said. "Thor, what's wrong?"

_That is a question and requires an answer._

"Cell," he managed through gritted teeth. "Now."

"Oh! Alright. Alright, come on..."

Loki helped him, steering his stumbling feet as he felt the awful terror of his conscious mind rushing away like water into open soil.

Somewhere along the way, he managed to divest himself of his shirt, his cock straining in his trousers as Loki half-dragged him down the steps towards the dungeons.

There was a smell. And that smell was _delicious._ It smelled of all good things, all happiness and warmth and love.

He wanted that. Wanted. Where was it? Who was it?

He inhaled deeply, like a beast ready to follow the scent of its mate, but it somehow seemed to be all around him, following him.

There was a figure beside him. Was it them? Good smell? This one?

He snuffled at their neck, moaning openly, unable to help himself. Yes, good smell.

"Thor," a familiar voice said, smooth and dark to his ears, sweet as honey. "No."

That word made him stop. A refusal. The tiny part of him that was still really _him_ reacted, forcing him to retreat even though he burned with desire.

And then suddenly he was alone. A door closed. The good smell dissipated into the air leaving only a faint tracs.

Need pooled in his stomach, a frustrated drive, a howl slipping from his throat that soon became sobs.

It felt like days had passed before the door opened again, his nostrils flaring.

No. This was not the nice smell.

But it was nice enough.


	13. Chapter 13

Loki shoved Thor into the cell and tried to recover himself. Had he just... been nuzzled?

Well, it hadn't been Thor. Not really. It was just the condition affecting him.

And he was making the most awful noises now, whining, scratching at the door. He needed help and fast.

Right. Up to the throne room, then, taking the stairs two at a time, trying to ignore that he was still slick from his earlier activities.

Of course, Odin was meeting with some of the realm's finest citizens, his single eye sharp as Loki burst into the room, silence falling immediately.

Loki dropped to one knee, crossing his arm over his chest in a sign of respect and fealty.

"Allfather," he panted. "I require a private audience."

"My son, please..."

"It's an emergency."

Apparently his sincere expression was enough to get his point across, the whole room bowing as Odin stood up and retreated to the smaller confidential chamber.

"It's Thor," Loki said before he could be asked. "His condition has struck again. I managed to help him into his cell, but he's screaming loud enough that Hel itself might hear."

The shock was visible. It was unusual for two events to happen so close together.

"What happened to cause it?" Odin asked.

"I don't know. I heard a noise outside my room and found him trying to stumble down there. He only needed a little steering."

Odin nodded vaguely and gave him a rare pat on the back.

"You did the right thing. I'll take it from here."

And with that, Loki was dismissed. Meant to simply continue with his day like everything was normal.

That noise Thor had let out when the door was closed had made his heart ache. It was like the scrape of metal on stone, jarring and awful, his teeth ringing with it and a deep, deep urge to make it stop.

He couldn't return to the cell for several hours. He had to be at dinner, had to nod along with the excuse that Thor was simply a little unwell.

Itching with anticipation, he retired early, making sure he was conspicuously in his room before sneaking out again under cover of invisibility spells.

He just wanted to be sure that Thor was alright. That was all.

And it seemed he was more than alright if the sounds of pleasure instantly rushing to Loki's ears were anything to go by. His cock twitched eagerly, overpowering any qualms he might have had about coming down here again.

It was the same three ladies as the previous time, though they looked distinctly more exhausted. If they'd been going all day, he supposed they might be tired.

"No more," the older one, the leader said. "He needs to sleep."

"I don't mind going once more," the blonde said.

"Your body won't thank you in the morning. I'm serious. He needs to rest. He hasn't touched his food yet. It's likely to be a long one."

There was indeed a plate of food on the small table with the water jug. Not that Thor seemed to have noticed, his eyes glazed as he kept thrusting into the woman beneath him, grunting with effort.

Loki got a good vantage point to see his knot swell, feeling a little disappointed that they were calling a halt so early.

Not as disappointed as Thor though as his most recent partner slipped out and no one else entered. He stood naked in front of the door, pawing at it, confused. A lost little sigh slipped out of him.

"He's not asleep," the blonde said. "Shouldn't we help him?"

"At this rate, we'd be here all night. He'll get the message soon. It's alright. He's out of the worst stage now."

Loki watched his poor, lost brother and felt a new wave of sympathy. It wasn't really him, this baffled figure. For one thing, the Thor he knew would never ignore a hearty meal.

The women got dressed and left, but Loki lingered. Quite why, he wasn't sure. Some vague wish to see Thor go to bed, or eat, attempt to take care of himself in some way.

He just kept stroking the door forlornly. And it felt wrong. It wasn't right that he should be kept like this. He should be helped to eat at least.

He'd responded when Loki had told him no earlier. He could understand that. And he could always stun him if he tried to get out.

That was enough to make Loki brave and dare entering the cell.

Thor's face lit up like a sunrise, rushing to him, pulling him close immediately and making Loki acutely aware of his nudity and his hard cock.

It was oddly nice to be held for a moment, even if Thor didn't know what he was doing.

"You need to eat," he said firmly, extricating himself from Thor's grasp.

Frown, confusion. Loki took up the plate and held it out to him. Thor looked at it and inhaled sharply before grabbing a handful of meat and vegetables, eating with no finesse whatsoever. Still, purpose achieved. He was eating. He wouldn't starve himself.

"Alright," Loki said. "Alright. Goodnight."

Thor let out a sound of pure distress when he turned towards the door.

And then a terrible idea entered Loki's head.

This creature of desire was not really his brother.

And he was still rather slick and open from earlier.

He could find out how it was to be knotted and get this obsession out of his system.

No one would ever know.

It was a ridiculous idea, but Loki had never tried too hard to deny himself anything.

He carefully started removing his clothes, an intrigued grunt of want from Thor, which somehow spurred him on, testing his nerve. He would need a moment to stretch himself a little, getting onto the bed under Thor's constant gaze, approaching eagerly, his cock leaking and bobbing.

"No," Loki said sharply. "Wait."

Thor blinked at him but didn't move, letting him quickly slip two fingers into himself and attempt to relax.

How should he do this? On his hands and knees, he decided. If he had to look at Thor's face, the gravity of what he was doing might overwhelm him.

Facing away, he could pretend it was someone else.

Impatient, he rolled over, arching his back, trying to display.

"Alright," he said. "Come here. Yes."

Thor leapt onto the bed, making him bounce on the mattress, eager but unskilled. Loki had to help him guide his cock to the right place, but then...

His face hit the pillow, gasping, unable to hold himself up. This was nothing like his phallus. It was so hot for one thing, and Thor wasted no time in thrusting into him, before he was really ready but just on the side of pleasure rather than pain.

"Fuck," Loki managed. "Oh, _fuck..."_

He was overwhelmed by it, that constant, steady pounding, more than he could probably handle, his cock leaking onto the sheets even though he hadn't touched it.

This was one of the best things he'd ever experienced, drunk on pleasure, crying out on every thrust, feeling like his whole body was alight with it. His hands had turned to fists, his toes curling, no part of him unaffected.

He lost sense of time, of everything except the feeling of being full.

And then Thor was moving him, yanking his hips upwards, and he realised what was happening. He could feel it, a distinct thickening, his fantasy made real...

If he'd thought he was full before, he really had no idea.

"Oh, norns... Oh, fuck, Thor."

It seemed he knew his own name, growling in appreciation and pushing deep, Loki crying out helplessly.

It felt incredible. Intense like he couldn't believe, almost more than he could bear, stars exploding in front of his vision and he still hadn't even climaxed.

Thor kept rocking his hips gently, little pulses, every time putting pressure on just the right place, and Loki hurriedly gripped his aching cock, desperate to come around a knot, to learn how that felt.

It didn't take him long, gasping as he spilled, Thor rumbling happily behind him, flopping down beside h and pulling him into his arms, stroking him softly as their sweat cooled. Slower and slower. And then he began snoring.

Typical...

His knot finally deflated and Loki rolled out of the bed, shaking as he got dressed.

He was completely drenched in spend, feeling it inside him, knowing it was Thor's, his own brother...

Maybe he'd gone a step too far this time.

It would be alright.

It wouldn't happen again.


	14. Chapter 14

Thor woke sore and troubled. And ravenous. His plate looked like he'd eaten maybe about a fifth of his meal and that was presumably all he'd had all day. He certainly didn't recall having anything else.

He ate the rest of it cold after putting on his trousers for a degree of dignity. There was no sign of a shirt.

Oh, that's right, he'd taken it off on the way down while Loki was...

Helping him...

He groaned, a faint memory surfacing. He'd rubbed his face all over Loki, hadn't he? Probably made him deeply uncomfortable, showing that in that state he was barely more aware than a stupid beast...

He could still smell Loki even, that sharp scent. It almost smelled like he'd been in the cell.

Something itched at the back of Thor's mind. Something very strange and very wrong.

He could remember someone calling his name. Shouting out in pleasure. Someone familiar.

Loki.

But that made absolutely no sense at all. That wasn't a real memory. It couldn't be. He couldn't even recall the hair colours of the women who had been here now, let alone anything else.

So why in the nine had his brain decided to provide that as a false recollection of all possible things?

He tried not to let it trouble him as he waited to be released. It was just his mind playing tricks on him, nothing more.

In time, the door was opened and he was allowed out, not recognising the woman who did it. Normally it was a healer, but she wasn't wearing the usual uniform. Wasn't wearing much at all, really, beyond a dark robe.

She was middle-aged he'd guess, elegant, a look of wariness about her.

"We thought you were in for a long one, my prince," she said, curtsying. "Are you sure you're feeling quite well? Back to yourself?"

Thor burned with the sudden realisation that she was one of the women who... cared for him. The ones who were sent into the cage.

"Perfectly well, thank you. Merely in need of a proper breakfast, I think."

Something of a smile flitted across her face, like she was amused by something but trying to hide it.

"Forgive me, I'm merely unused to hearing you speak," she said. "Normally it's just... noises. It's good to see you as you really are."

Thor blushed hotly, deeply, horribly embarrassed. How many times had they...? To him, never, he had no memory of it, and yet she was so comfortable in his presence, like they were old friends.

It could have been dozens of times...

"Can I ask," he began, trying to work out exactly what he wanted to say, how he wanted to word it. "I just want to know how I am during those times. Am I... rough or anything? I worry about safety. For everyone."

She patted him vaguely on the shoulder, a gesture he wouldn't expect from anyone he didn't consider a friend.

"You're enthusiastic, certainly," she said. "But you respond to a firm voice. You've never left more on me than maybe a light bruise from gripping my hips a little too hard."

Even that was too much knowledge for him to handle, looking away, mortified.

She laughed, a slightly rough sound, one with years of practice behind it.

"You don't need to worry," she said. "We have a lot of safety measures in place. For the most part, you're just single-minded. It's a medical condition and we help you manage it."

Maybe he wished they wouldn't. Maybe he wished they'd just lock him up and let him burn out. This was not a normal way to live.

"Well," he said. "Thank you. And I'm sorry if I'm ever..."

He trailed off. He was just sorry in general that anyone was tasked with dealing with him in that state, no matter the financial rewards.

"I must go to my father," he said, rubbing at a twinge in his shoulder. "Let him know that I am recovered."

Odin seemed surprised to see him so soon. It must have looked like a bad one. A long one.

"What do you remember?"

Thor hesitated. The only memory he had was something that could not possibly have happened.

"Nothing from being in the cell," he said. "I remember Loki helping me down there. And that's all."

It wasn't technically a lie. He didn't remember anything.

A sigh and Odin turned back to the documents he had been perusing.

"I suppose we can be grateful that it was not prolonged this time," he said, waving Thor away. "Go and recover. Eat something."

Food sounded like a good idea, but first he really wanted to apologise to Loki. Get that horrible awkwardness out of the way and then reward himself with nourishment.

He tried his rooms first, picking up Mjölnir from where she was sitting abandoned in the corridor, putting on a shirt before knocking.

No answer.

The library, then?

No. Not there either.

Eventually he found Loki in the palace gardens, sitting under a tree, reading and knawing on a thumb nail. He looked wary to see him and Thor's heart ached immediately, raising a hand in greeting.

That seemed to relax him a little bit, jerking his head in a beckoning motion. Permission.

"I'm sorry if I'm disturbing you," Thor said, trying to pitch his tone in just the right way, trying to sound sincere.

He was sincere, it was just difficult to convey that sometimes.

"You're not," Loki said, but he was looking away. Like he didn't want to meet his gaze.

It was like resetting a dislocated bone. Just do it quick, get it over with.

"I'm sorry about what happened," Thor said, all in one exhale, too fast.

And now Loki _was_ looking at him, wide-eyed.

"What? What do you mean?"

Thor stammered a little.

"That I... That I was snuffling at you when you were just trying to get me to the cell. I wasn't myself. I'm very embarrassed, if you must know."

"Oh, that," Loki sighed. "No, don't be. It's not like you can help it."

Thor felt his fists clench a little. He should be able to help it. He should apply himself properly, learn to remain in his own mind.

"I wish you hadn't seen me like that," he said. "I should be... better. I'm sorry."

"Don't worry about it. Really."

A gentle breeze brought a waft of Loki's scent to Thor's nostrils, apparently some of his sharpened senses still with him.

It was disconcertingly pleasant, sending a wave of guilt through him at just the thought. It wasn't him, he told himself. It was still the stupid hormones.

"I'm going to get some breakfast," he said vaguely, removing himself from such a concerning situation.

Food was a good idea, gave him something else to think about for a while. Like he could feed that cavernous ache deep in his stomach, fill it up. Get that smell out of his nose, replacing it with salt and butter.

If only it was so easy to get the unease out of his heart.


	15. Chapter 15

Loki breathed out a sigh of relief as Thor left, trying to ignore the guilty ache in his chest.

For the most awful moment, he'd thought Thor remembered, that he knew what had happened. But no, it was fine. He didn't know. No one knew. His secret was safe.

And besides, it seemed to have halted the fugue. It had woken Thor up. Clearly he had needed just that last push to ease him back to himself. It had helped him recover.

Meanwhile, Loki had woken up aching but filled with a deep satisfaction that lasted only a few moments before he remembered the reason for it. He'd taken advantage of Thor in a distinctly vulnerable position.

Then the guilt came. Thor would be horrified, probably. All that "mentally a virgin" logic might fly out the window if it involved his little brother. It was probably going to count suddenly.

All the same, it had been probably the most intense sexual experience of his life. He finally knew what it was to be knotted and already felt that in an ideal world he would meet a devastatingly handsome male alpha with wit and intelligence to match and pair with him immediately.

His eyes were moving over the page of his book, but he wasn't taking any of the words in. He was too rattled. The actions of an impulse had the potential to completely tear their brotherly relationship apart. He ought to have been much, much more careful.

It was an uneasy blend of bone-deep satiety and utter disgust at himself. Never mind Thor learning to control himself; Loki knew now that he needed to stop listening to his body quite so much. It was a liability. Selfish.

It had wanted him to skip down to the cell again tonight if Thor was still not himself, better prepared.

His thumb nail was ragged from chewing on it, forcing himself to stop and standing up with a faint groan. Still feeling it a little.

On the one hand, he ought to go and reassure Thor that his behaviour had not disturbed him in any way, but on the other, he wanted to have a bit of space. A bit of distance to help him get his mind straight.

He planned to return to his chambers, only to meet his mother waiting for him.

A dreadful feeling of being in trouble rolled through him, but she didn't seem angry. Or disappointed.

"Your father says you had to help Thor down to the cell yesterday," she said. "How was it?"

Uh...

"Fine," Loki said, shrugging. "He wasn't himself, but that's to be expected. He went quietly."

"And was there any indication of what might have caused it?"

That was an odd question.

"Doesn't it just... happen?"

"Yes, but it's unusual for two events to happen so close together. It's possible that it was brought on in some way. I just wondered if you noticed anything in particular."

Hmm.

"I don't think so. I heard him drop Mjölnir in the corridor and he made a strange noise. I think he'd been out sparring perhaps."

She didn't seem overly convinced, but it was the truth. There wasn't anything springing to mind.

"And what were you doing when you heard him?"

Something he definitely didn't want to tell his mother about...

"Reading," he lied.

It was unclear whether she believed him, nodding slightly.

"Do these rooms fit your purposes?" she asked.

That was a subject change. Quite an abrupt one too.

"They're fine."

"I just wondered if maybe something larger might give you more space to work on your conjuring and potion work. It's just a suggestion. You don't have to."

"You don't think Thor would be a little annoyed if I had bigger chambers than him?"

"Oh, I was thinking that if you moved to your own wing, then we could reconfigure these rooms and combine them into one set. Or Thor could move and you could take over his current chambers. After all, the two of you may be thinking about marriage soon. You'll need more space."

More talk of marriage! Loki could almost understand why they'd want to nudge Thor that way, both for political reasons and to calm his condition, but as for him...

"I'm not thinking about marriage," he said, folding his arms. "And I don't need bigger rooms."

"Alright," she said, kissing him on the cheek. "But maybe Thor will and you can have his anyway."

Loki wasn't sure he liked that, the idea of Thor being away in a different part of the palace instead of just across the hall. They likely wouldn't see so much of each other without meeting in the corridors or knocking on each other's doors.

He'd... miss it. Even though half the time he rolled his eyes at the familiar sound of Thor's knock, he liked it really. It was comforting somehow just knowing he was there.

But if Thor wanted to prepare for his eventual marriage, that was up to him, he supposed.

And he wouldn't be upset about it. Certainly not.


	16. Chapter 16

Move to new rooms? Well, Thor didn't _like_ the idea, but then again...

He could hardly bear looking at Loki suddenly, ever since that strange, wrong memory in the cell. It was like part of him hadn't recovered at all and was still aching for touch and for some reason it desperately wanted Loki.

It wasn't even in a sexual way, not always anyway. He was mainly feeling an urge to be close, to hold, to protect. But Loki didn't need protecting and their relationship had seldom been more tactile than an occasional hug or a hand on a shoulder.

Thor had always been more open to such things, but he felt a sudden increase would be suspicious. Maybe he should move to a different wing. Get a bit of distance until this passed, whatever it was.

He felt like he could smell Loki everywhere in their little corridor. First thing in the morning, last thing at night. Waking up sometimes with the evidence that his body had got carried away in the night. And the dreams...

They were probably the most distressing aspect of all of this. He was haunted by imagined moans, of images of pale skin and shining dark hair, a back turned towards him, pushing back to meet his thrusts and by the strangest fantasies of building Loki a safe home, almost like a nest, cuddling close to him and using his body heat to keep them both warm.

He didn't understand it at all.

Lessons seemed more important than ever and he did begin to find they were having an effect on other areas of his life. He was more aware of everything around him. He was becoming more tactical in his sparring, relying less on physical strength to win and more on predicting his opponent's moves, on recognising patterns and tells.

Everything was good apart from when he was around Loki in fact. Then he could hardly concentrate, could hardly think at all. His body wanted to pull Loki to him, to feel the warmth of his skin, to inhale his scent until it couldn't ever leave him...

Yes, he should move rooms.

He began organising his belongings, ready to pack them up. And he should get rid of a few things too, clothes he hadn't worn for a while for instance...

His nostrils twitched a little later, catching a hint of metallic comfort in the air. Loki. Hadn't even knocked.

"What are you doing?"

Thor carefully didn't look round, trying to keep his voice steady.

"Mother suggested that we might each need some extra space, so I'm preparing to move chambers."

Loki sniffed, and Thor could hear him fold his arms somehow.

"I didn't realise you were so desperate to get away from me," he said.

Thor's heart ached, finally turning round to look at him.

"It's not that at all. It's just... I think it will be more convenient, that's all. You don't want me stumbling in on... anything anyway."

Loki pouted slightly and Thor found himself staring at his lips despite himself.

"I just... I don't know," he said. "I kind of like sharing space. Besides, when you were... taken ill last time, I only heard because you were here, close by. I worry about you."

Oh, Loki... He was trying so hard to help him when it felt like the one thing Thor could do to feel better would be to get a bit of distance.

"You shouldn't have to," Thor said. "I'm working on it. Hopefully soon it will stop."

Loki still seemed upset and Thor found himself unable to resist, crossing the room to pull him into a hug, his heart hammering in his chest, indulging and inhaling deeply, that smell that felt so much like home.

"I'm always going to be here for you," he said. "You know that, right?"

Loki had hesitated but hugged him back.

"I suppose so. It'll just be an adjustment, that's all."

Maybe they'd been holding each other a little too long. Thor's lips were tingling, drawn towards Loki's skin, trying to keep his breathing steady as he resisted the little voice in his head that said a little peck couldn't hurt.

He was scared he wouldn't be able to stop very easily.

"Alright," he said, very deliberately pulling away. "I'll see you at dinner."

"Fine," Loki sighed.

Oh, sighing was bad. Sighs were a huge part of his dreams, warm, happy sighs rewarding him.

As soon as Loki closed his own door, Thor threw open a window in an effort to get fresh air into his head.

He couldn't help thinking that Loki would be decidedly less keen for him to remain in the next room if he had any idea of what went on in his head at night.

Maybe he should get out of the palace more often than not until this strangeness passed.

In desperation, he even tried to raise his troubles in his lessons with his father. No details, of course. Just that he was suffering disturbing dreams.

"On what subject?" Odin asked immediately.

Thor knew he probably shouldn't lie, but he was going to try anyway.

"There's a woman," he said, feeling blood rush to his cheeks. "Sometimes there are people I have to fight, to defend my partner. Sometimes I'm building a home for us. And some are... lascivious, if you understand."

"And do you recognise this woman?"

"I don't think so," Thor lied. "She doesn't really... have any features."

Odin let out an odd hum.

"Perhaps you should practise your lessons before sleep," he said. "Or try to exhaust yourself. But remember, however upsetting or confusing, these are merely dreams. They are not real."

That was comforting, at least.


	17. Chapter 17

Loki was despondent and irritable and he knew exactly why but the knowledge simply made things worse.

Somehow he'd thought Thor would choose not to move rooms too. It felt somehow like a betrayal that he had.

But why? Ugh, he was being ridiculous. Of course one day they'd each have their own space. Hel, one day, Thor would sleep in the monarch's chamber if he chose to. With his queen. Or his consort. Either way.

It wasn't like he was even moving out of the palace... He wasn't going anywhere really.

Nothing pleased him as Thor finished packing up his things and took them all to a different wing, not too far away, but far enough. No more bumping into one another to walk to breakfast. No more wandering back from the tavern to the same corridor.

Not that evenings in taverns were happening anyway of late. Despite all his talk of being there for Loki, Thor might as well have vanished. He spent all his time training or in lessons or otherwise unavailable to spend time together and invitations to go out with him and Sif and the Warriors Three had dried up completely.

Loki even resorted to talking to Fandral about it, even as his normal playful flirting set his teeth horribly on edge.

"He's not been out with us for a month and a half," he'd said, waxing his moustache. "I fancy that perhaps there is a pretty smile and a sweet temperament involved."

The flash of jealousy was unexpected.

"Is that so?" Loki asked. "And have you seen this person?"

"I've barely seen Thor, to be honest. Sif said something about a blonde hanging around and that he wasn't too fussed, but I've really no idea. Maybe she turned out to be very charming. But, hey, if you're looking for company..."

Loki declined, maybe less politely than he might have done.

So, all that high-and-mighty talk of waiting to make a connection and apparently Thor's head could be turned by some commoner...

And, no, it wasn't because Thor wasn't allowed to do whatever he liked with whomever he liked, but if you were going to make a big deal of losing your virginity - or what Thor insisted was his virginity anyway - then it ought to be a bigger deal.

He only saw Thor at mealtimes, it seemed, and even then he just ate and left most of the tine, barely even speaking to their parents. And they didn't even chastise him! It was so unfair.

"Thor has a paramour," Loki mumbled one day at breakfast, out of spite. Trying to get him into trouble.

"Really?" Frigga said as Thor choked. "How wonderful. Who is it?"

"I do _not!_ " Thor insisted. "Who told you that?"

"Fandral."

"Well, he's mistaken."

Loki picked at his food, grumpily pushing it around his plate.

"Something's certainly been occupying all your time of late," he said.

Thor's whole face fell, devastated, and then he jumped to his feet.

"May I be excused?" he asked, already halfway to the door, banging it shut.

The awkwardness afterwards somehow managed to be worse than the confrontation.

"Your brother is very busy, Loki," Frigga said softly. "Don't make him feel guilty about it."

"He's been avoiding me," Loki said, aware that he sounded like a child. "If I've done something to upset him, he needs to grow up and tell me."

"I'm sure it's nothing you've done, darling. And I'm sure Thor isn't avoiding you."

It wasn't the most convincing thing he'd ever heard. Loki made a spirited attempt to finish his breakfast before similarly asking permission to leave.

He distinctly heard his mother sigh as he went, probably thinking they were much too old to be having such a silly fight. Well, that was hardly his fault...

Loki took himself up to Thor's rooms, just the outside, of course, wondering if he'd find this mystery blonde hanging around.

No sign of her. Or him, Loki supposed. It could be a man. Fandral could have mistaken the gender.

And no sign of Thor either, for that matter.

His frustration had not reduced in the least, prowling about in a foul mood. Nothing could occupy his mind, nothing could distract him from the sense of being rejected.

Maybe it was a suitable punishment for what he'd done, he supposed. Even as he'd sworn to himself that it was a one-off, his fantasies kept drifting back to that night in the cell.

And, more upsettingly, they no longer tended to feature a generically handsome alpha but had a distinctly more familiar blonde and bulky flavour.

It was just because that was his only experience of it. Nothing more than that. And maybe if Thor would just be a brother to him again, it would pass.

He couldn't quite shake the feeling that Thor remembered somehow. Just a little. But if he did, surely he'd be angry and Loki would have been beaten bloody by now. He couldn't remember.

Unless it was on a subconscious level and it was making him feel guilty for half-recalled glimpses...

Well, good. That was his problem.

Loki let his hurt sit and fester, let it grow into something ugly and uncontrollable, bubbling away beneath the surface all the time.

And maybe that was why, a couple of months later, when he heard that Thor had been taken ill, he immediately threw all his swears and promises away.

If he couldn't rely on Thor's brotherly affections, he'd take whatever scraps he could get.


	18. Chapter 18

Thor had been doing so well when the fever came on him worse than ever before. It was lucky that he was in his own rooms at the time, feeling it rush through him, an unbearable heat that left him clawing at his skin.

But he was alert. For the first time in this state, his mind was intact.

But his body was not listening to it.

He pawed at the door, unable to figure out how to open it, howling like a beast, starting to rip off his clothes. And he tried to fight it, he tried to force himself to be calm, tried to make himself relax, tried to implement his techniques.

No amount of affirming that his mind was his own seemed to help.

The scent of his mother flooded into his nostrils from the other side of the door, calming him a little, but not much, whimpering where he wished he could get words out.

Frigga entered his room without fear, looking at him carefully. Into his eyes. Checking on him.

"You're still in there, aren't you?" she said. "I can see that you're there."

He tried to reply but it came out as a strangled cry.

She sighed.

"I'm going to have to knock you out and take you to the cell. You can't walk in this state."

Her cool hand was soothing against his temple and then there was a bright flash of light and then he awoke in the cell as usual, almost curled double on the bed with pain, trembling. His whole body was alight with agony, like nothing he'd ever known.

He dreaded the arrival of assistance. It might help, but he didn't want to be awake, he didn't want to know what his body did without his permission.

He'd already physically ripped off his clothes...

The door opened and his head whipped towards it, a woman entering.

He knew her. It was the woman who had released him last time.

No. No, he didn't want to...

"Back again," she said. "And apparently not like normal. Is that right?"

She dropped her robe, casually picking up the rags of Thor's shredded trousers. He gazed at her, feeling embarrassed as he took in so much bare flesh, the smell of her body warm beneath her perfume.

And then he roared.

It wasn't a sound he knew he could make and she looked horrified by it, shrieking and lunging for the door immediately, slamming it behind her to trap him once more.

That wasn't him, though. That wasn't him rejecting her, it was the beast inside him. It didn't want her. He didn't understand. Why didn't it want the only thing that could grant him peace? He didn't want it, but this pain...

It hurt so much...

They sent in two more women, but neither pleased the creature he had become. Even while he intellectually recognised that they were both very beautiful, the only elicited angry cries.

And then Mother came back. At least he didn't scream at her. The beast huffed and sighed and tried to push past her, aware that the door was somewhere over there even if he didn't know how to use it

Thor himself was absolutely mortified to remember that he was completely nude and erect as well. Frigga shouldn't have to see him like this...

"I'm sorry," she said. "I hope this will pass. I'm going to help you sleep."

He hoped it was clear that he consented. Maybe he'd manage to sleep it off somehow.

She smiled at him with tears in her eyes, even the salt managing to reach his heightened sense of smell, and sent a pulse of magic through him.

Thor woke under a blanket with a deep inhale. There was a new smell in the room. Oh, that was... beautiful... The beast was soothed, practically sitting up to beg, calm and relaxed.

"Thor?" came Loki's voice.

Oh, no, were they sending Loki to take care of him now? To knock him out if he needed it? That was so embarrassing.

And why did he smell so...

So good?

Thor heard himself let out a sound of pure happiness, somewhere between a sigh and a hum. The sound of snuggling into a blanket on a cold night, of easing sore muscles in a bath, of a cool breeze on a hot day, of a soft word and a gentle touch from a loved one...

His body moved before he even realised, leaping towards his brother and hauling him into a tight embrace, inhaling deeply against his neck.

"Thor, I think I understand what's been going on now," Loki said, halfheartedly trying to wriggle away. "It's because you want me, isn't it?"

 _No_ , Thor protested internally.

 _Yes_ , the whole rest of his being said.

All those nightmares... Was this just another one? It felt terrifyingly real, but maybe it wasn't...

"It's alright," Loki said, squeezing his arms comfortingly. "I'm going to help you. It's alright..."

No, it wasn't! And now he was starting to take off his clothes and trying to lead Thor back towards the bed and this wasn't right, why was this happening...?

He threw every single cell towards resisting, towards taking control of himself, making his muscles seize up, locking his knees, making himself fall.

Loki let out a cry of shock, catching him, another assault on his senses as he was brushed by too much bare skin, another battle in his mind to keep control.

He tried to say no, he tried to apologise. What must Loki be thinking if he believed he needed to do this? He couldn't bear the idea of being inflicted upon anyone, let along on Loki.

His voice came out as nothing but a high whine.

"It's alright," Loki said again. "It cured you last time."

Last time?

Those sounds... Those images, those dreams... Had he thought them a product of an overactive subconscious when really they had sent Loki to him?

Why would they do that? It didn't make sense.

Loki frowned, wiping away tears that were unconsciously falling down Thor's face.

"You really are in there, aren't you?" he asked.

Another whine. It seemed to be the only way he could communicate.

Loki kissed him softly. On the cheek. Just catching the very corner of his mouth.

"Alright," he said, re-buckling his clothes. "I'll stop. You'll understand soon, I promise."

Having him covered was a relief. It reduced the intense effort to stay in control, managing to drag himself onto the mattress and under the blanket. Trying to use it like a shield.

Loki slipped into bed beside him, much to his alarm, but he remained clothed, safely concealed beneath layers of leather and fabric. He folded himself into Thor's arms, in a way that didn't seem quite proper but which soothed the ache in Thor's chest all the same.

He nuzzled into the back of Loki's neck, making him snort a little.

"Maybe this will be enough," he said quietly, linking their fingers together.

Thor didn't understand what exactly he meant, but this felt good. Safe. Warm.

He was aware of the beast lurking behind his eyes, but it seemed placated.

It just wanted to hold Loki close.


	19. Chapter 19

Loki's suspicions had first been raised when neither parent appeared at dinner, a vague announcement that they were handling some kind of urgent business.

It had Thor written all over it and Loki bolted his food, sprinted up to his room to prepare and rushed down to the cell under cover of his strongest invisibility spells. His mother would probably sense him if he wasn't careful.

A scene of total chaos met him.

Thor was inside the cell, howling and growling, scratching at the door, and the three women were outside, their robes wrapped tightly around them, apparently shaken to the core.

"Try again," Odin said. "He just needs to calm down a little."

They all looked at one another and then the eldest swallowed hard and rolled back her shoulders, taking a deep breath.

As soon as she opened the door, Thor's cries grew louder. It was like he was trying to shout in rage but had forgotten how to form words.

After a few moments, she retreated, visibly upset, blinking back tears.

"We don't understand it, your Majesty," she said, bobbing curtsies almost compulsively. "I don't know what we've done. He's normally so pleased so see us."

That was one way of wording it, Loki supposed.

"I think it would be best if you were to retire," Frigga said. "Perhaps he simply needs to sleep. Good evening. You will be paid in full."

She waited for them to leave and then rounded on her husband with an expression that Loki had long ago learned to fear with his entire being. Folded arms, thin lips, a sharpness around the eyes.

"Exactly how long are you planning to torture our sons?" she asked.

Odin sighed heavily.

"Well, what would you have me do?" he asked. "Throw Loki to him?"

What? What were they talking about?

"He's conscious in there, you know," Frigga said. "He can't control himself, but he's aware. He will remember this."

"It's progress."

"It's barbaric."

"We can't tell them. Not like this. It would destroy them."

Loki couldn't help silently urging them on, wanting to know, desperate to know.

"Which is worse?" Frigga asked. "Hearing it from us, delayed perhaps, or working out for themselves and knowing that we lied to them? Loki is already suspicious."

Odin scoffed.

"My spells are strong," he said. "It would take an extremely large leap of logic for him to conclude the truth."

What truth? What were they talking about?

"We will find Thor a suitable mate," Odin continued. "And his hormonal attachment to Loki will cease. Even a bonding is not necessarily permanent and a pre-bond like this ought to be easily broken."

A... A pre-bond?

But that would mean Thor was... That he wanted...

It shouldn't be possible. They were brothers. He'd never heard of such a thing. It ought to be impossible.

Unless... Unless it wasn't somehow. Unless there was some other variable he was unaware of.

And now he'd indulged, he'd taken advantage and if Thor already had a misguided, unconscious pre-bond with him, then now it was blooming into something much more serious.

If Thor was alert in there, a prisoner in his own body, then maybe it had nothing to do with Odin's lessons. Maybe it was because he'd nearly managed to get his hormones under control because he'd... He'd found a mate. He'd finally been intimate with the person his body insisted was right for him.

Loki wasn't sure exactly what he felt about that, but as he watched Frigga enter the cell and knock Thor out, levitating him gently onto the bed, he knew that this was his responsibility.

Odin stood with shoulders hunched, sighing.

"One day," he said as Frigga emerged. "One day soon I will tell Loki the truth. But he cannot know of this. Thor is his brother no matter what. It would disgust them both."

"I believe Thor may already be struggling with unwanted urges," she said. "He agreed to move chambers rather more eagerly than I expected."

"Surely you don't think..."

"He has been avoiding Loki for months. He needs to know so we can fix this. Help them break it before this goes any further."

Loki winced in his shadow. It had already gone further than they could ever know. And now Thor needed him.

The rejection when he entered the cell didn't hurt, not really. Of course in his right mind Thor wouldn't. But it confirmed the theory that even being around him calmed the fever. Thor was even able to move of his own volition.

Being held felt nice, mumbling reassurances and gently rubbing Thor's arm. It would be alright. This was just a mistake. Bonds could be broken if you wanted. He wasn't sure how exactly, but it was certainly possible.

And that was what had to happen. Clearly.

So why did he have such an ache in his chest?

He waited until Thor had fallen into a natural, peaceful sleep and snuck out. Hopefully he'd have real rest, not like the horrible exhausting forced unconsciousness magic provided.

He was closing the door as softly as possible when he spotted the note. A piece of paper, neatly folded, left on the floor in a very obvious place.

It wasn't written in ink. Some kind of charcoal, he thought, or perhaps the pigment women used on their eyes.

Whatever it was, the message made his blood run cold.

_I saw what you did_


	20. Chapter 20

Thor's whole being was out of kilter. He felt like he'd been torn apart and put back together in the wrong order.

Speaking of tearing, his clothes had seen better days... He took the bedsheet, still clean thank the norns, and tied it in a sort of robe in an effort to protect his modesty.

Everything felt wrong. Loki had said he would understand, but he didn't. He didn't understand at all. Why had Loki been there? Why had his presence soothed the beast?

Why had he wanted to touch him like that? It didn't make sense.

Maybe it did make sense that his parents were the ones who arrived to open the cell. They were probably very worried about him.

"Are you well?" Frigga asked. "Are you in control? Fully?"

"Yes," Thor said. "Yes, I'm back. But I... I really need to talk to Loki."

The exchange of looks made his heart sink.

"What?" he asked. "What is it? What's wrong with him?"

"Thor... Sit down," Odin said, gesturing to one of the chairs lined up outside the cell.

"No. Tell me what's happened."

"Just remember that none of this is your fault," Frigga said. "Or Loki's. Neither of you have done anything wrong."

That was not remotely as reassuring as she thought. And Thor was thinking of Loki's words, of a last time, a previous occasion, but the implication was that their parents didn't know so _why..._

What had he meant?

"Loki is not your brother, Thor," Odin said quietly.

Thor could only stare at them, eyes flicking back and forth.

"No," he heard himself stammer. "No, he is. Of course he is."

"What your father means to say is that Loki is our son, but he is not our blood," Frigga said, all softness and gentle. "He is adopted. And that doesn't mean we love him any differently. It's just... certain things have developed in a way we didn't expect."

A creeping chill had grown over Thor's whole being, up his spine to the top of his head, his fingers feeling numb.

Deep inside, he knew.

Maybe he'd always known. Not consciously, but somewhere.

"Is..." and he burned to say it, to admit it. "Is this why Loki's scent is so strong to me?"

"Perhaps. We believe that you may have pre-bonded. That your body has recognised your affection for Loki and has... mistaken it for a more romantic, sexual connection."

What shocked Thor was not hearing it out loud. It was how little the idea disgusted him. This was not how siblings ought to be - he ought to be more upset, more repulsed. But instead he was just worried.

"Does Loki know?" he asked.

It would explain a lot, wouldn't it? If Loki knew they shared no blood, if he had tried to soothe his agony because he knew what was causing it.

They didn't seem to think he did. They hadn't spoken to him yet.

Thor was adrift in a sea of questions.

"Where did he come from? How have we bonded if we are both alphas? Can that happen? Why didn't you just tell us?"

"We didn't want Loki to feel different," Odin said, awkward in the face of emotions as usual. "He is our son first and foremost. And when we took him in as a baby, we had no idea that this might happen."

There was a long pause, a horrible, awful churning in Thor's stomach.

"But when my... my condition started..." he said. "Did you know what was causing it?"

He couldn't blame them, despite his anger. It made sense now. It had come upon him around the time Loki had manifested as an alpha. But they couldn't have been told the full truth of it then. It would have horrified them both.

"We hoped you would find someone else," Frigga said, her voice cracking. "We did not know the effect he would have on you. We had hoped it would never come to this."

Thor balked.

"You didn't intend to tell us," he said, realising. "You were never going to."

"Loki is our son," Odin repeated firmly. "His blood and his origin changes none of that."

Thor finally sat down, almost an afterthought, his head in his hands. They were right, of course. Loki was his brother. But there was something else between them now, something that terrified him. They had... Done something. He could feel it somewhere within himself. In his blood, his bones, his heart.

"I... I think Loki may have bonded with me too," he said softly.

The sudden tension was like a flood breaking through defences, overwhelming and devastating.

"What do you mean?" Odin asked.

He couldn't look at them. His eyes were leaking, a great pain overflowing.

"He was here last night," he said, every word hurting. "And he kept telling me that I'd understand, that it would all make sense. I had more control when he was there. I couldn't talk but I could move and then I just... held him for a little while. And everything felt safe. Good. I don't know. Maybe he worked it out."

"No," Odin said, sharp and harsh. "No, he can't have. Summon him here. We should discuss this as a family."

"If you wouldn't mind," Thor said. "I'd rather be away from the cell first."

They understood, even letting him go and get dressed.

Something was wrong, though. He could feel it.

Smell it, maybe. Or maybe it was the way the einharjar were rushing about the palace when he made his way to his father's private office and found two faces of abject misery.

"He's gone, isn't he?" he asked, even though he already knew it was true.

Loki had run away.


	21. Chapter 21

Loki had hurried up to his rooms in a panic.

Someone had seen him. They'd known what he'd done, what he'd tried to do. They knew his dreadful secret.

And this was clearly a threat. He'd be ruined.

Maybe it was a moment of madness that made him pack a bag and run. He knew exactly where he'd hide, the last place they'd think to look for him; Jotunheim.

He'd hide there. And then...

Well, he didn't quite know.

But for one thing, Thor would never want to see him again, probably. And that hurt, that hurt more than anything, tears springing to his eyes in painful bursts. It was his own fault. He couldn't blame anyone else.

He'd scratch out a living. Somehow. He was a skilled mage, he could work healing along with a dozen other things. Surely he'd find a way to survive, to find somewhere he could be paid for his talents.

Warm clothes. And a map. Outdated, no doubt, but it would do. Things could not have changed so very much.

And he knew exactly where to go, how to cross over into the ice realm, the place where the barrier between their shared level on Yggdrasil was thinnest.

It was in the weapons vault.

He'd been surprised the first time he read that, but perhaps it made sense that they'd built security around it. The Destroyer watched over the Casket of Ancient Winters, after all. It would kill any would-be thieves before they could turn around probably.

The fear that was coursing through him made him fast, tying up his densest cape, a pack on his back, basic supplies that would keep him going for a night or so, a simple pan from his potion making supplies to cook in, blankets.

Even still, as he left his chambers behind, he paused outside what used to be Thor's rooms. He'd never moved into them. It hadn't felt right.

He laid a hand upon the wood, fingers running down the familiar grain, like he could leave behind a trace just for Thor, to let him know how sorry he was.

Bond or no bond, he knew they loved each other. And he wished he could say something. He wished he had said something.

Laying the strongest invisibility spells he knew, he made his way carefully but swiftly through the sleeping palace, down and down, sneaking past the guards at the top of the corridor and into the chill depths of the vaults.

It was a wonder the palace structure still stood with all these subterranean caverns carved beneath it, really.

The door opened silently, the musky smell beyond throwing Loki back through time to the memory of being children, trying to lift Mjölnir, dreaming of the day that they would pick her up.

There had been some talk in those early days of sharing her. Thor had great visions of throwing the hammer across the battlefield into Loki's waiting hand, catching her in return, creating a dazzlingly quick flurry of blows.

And then later, Thor had suddenly been able to lift Mjölnir with no trouble at all and Loki, well, he couldn't move her even the smallest amount.

Maybe she'd known somehow the kind of thing he was capable of.

The vault glowed slightly, Odin and his ancestors' trophies gently lit, but the recess Loki was looking for wouldn't be like that. It would seem like a dead end. Nothing of interest within it.

The wall that concealed the Destroyer made him nervous, scared that it would at any moment step forth, but it remained solid. He wasn't touching anything. Yet.

It was perpendicular to the Casket. In full view of it. A little trap, perhaps, just in case. Loki could feel the potential portal, a strange oily sensation in the air, a sense that something here was wrong somehow.

He closed his eyes and chased that feeling, his fingers moving in front of him, like he was trying to find a draught or a leak.

And then he had to push...

It _hurt..._ He tried to hold back his grunts of effort, using all his power to try to tear a hole into the fabric of space, just a little bit, just enough to let him pass through.

The first blast of cold air against his face was a victory, surging forward, so, so close...

An enormous hand closed around his leading leg, yanking him through, the chill making him gasp as the whole world spun, eventually resolving itself into upside down mountains.

Upside down because he was being held by the ankle.

He tried to look upwards as a terrible realisation stole over him.

They weren't the only realm who guarded potential invasion points.


	22. Chapter 22

Part of Thor refused to believe it. Loki wouldn't just leave like that. Not without a word, not so abruptly. Unless his visit in the night had been an attempt to say goodbye...

According to Heimdall, Loki had retired after dinner and had not left his rooms since. Thor knew that wasn't true. He must know a way to get out secretly, some method of going unseen.

Odin was pacing, visibly distraught, panicked even.

"Where would he go?" he was asking the room in general. "He doesn't keep many friends for long that I can tell. I can't think of who he would turn to. And why... Why would he do this?"

Thor knew why. Loki was ashamed. And he knew that shame too and wanted nothing more than to protect Loki from it. It wasn't their fault.

An idea was growing in the back of his mind.

"I think I can find him," he said. "Maybe. I'm not sure it will work, but it's worth a try."

He made his way up to Loki's rooms, clearly ransacked in a hurry, clothes strewn about the place. This had not been planned long. Loki had made this decision impulsively, out of fear.

With his parents standing by, Thor inhaled deeply, trying to nudge the beast into action. Just enough. Not so much to make him lose himself.

_This is me. This is me looking for Loki. Where did he go? Find him._

He picked it up immediately, the sharp, beautiful, familiar scent. It was overpowering in Loki's room, and still strong in the corridor, especially outside the room opposite. Loki had paused here for some reason. Stood in front of the door for a moment.

And then he'd gone...

Where?

Thor followed the scent, having to close his eyes sometimes to catch it against the background smells of the palace, chasing as it went down and down...

"The vaults?" Odin asked behind him. "Why would he come down here?"

Thor wished he wouldn't talk. It was distracting. He was losing the trail. He'd ended up in an empty space, an unused plinth, and then...

"No," he said. "No, there's nothing beyond here. I've lost him."

If it were possible to smell awkwardness, the whole room would have reeked of it. Odin suddenly looked very suspicious and Frigga was trying to stand her ground but clearly knew what the issue was.

"Did you tell him?" Odin asked, flat and shocked.

"No," Frigga said. "But we were going to, very soon. I may have... encouraged him to do some research for himself. To lessen the blow when it came."

"What are you talking about?" Thor asked. "What does he know? Or not know?"

They were talking over his head like he was still a child.

"He was not to think of Jotunheim," Odin said. "I thought I made that clear."

"And I expressly told him not to. But you know what he's like. You know that forbidding something from him would make him all the more determined. But either he worked it out for himself..."

"Impossible. He's over there with no idea."

"What's happening?" Thor demanded. "What does Jotunheim have to do with anything?"

They hesitated and Thor thought he might burst. Something was wrong here. Very wrong.

"It was the end of the war," Odin said. "I was surveying the Jotun capital, long since evacuated. Searching for... I don't even know. A weapon, a trophy I suppose. And instead I found a child."

"A child? Someone took their child onto a battlefield all the way from Asgard?"

"No. No, Thor, listen. Loki is not of Asgard, not originally. I found him near the palace and I think... I think that he was left there deliberately."

Thor couldn't bear it. Just the idea of that, of the child he remembered from their shared youth left out in the cold, it was so, so awful...

"Why?" he asked, his voice tinged with a half-sob. "Why would they do that?"

Odin rubbed his good eye, trying to hold back his emotions.

"He was tiny, Thor. Much smaller than the rest of... his people. Perhaps they thought he would not survive, thought it a kindness to simply let him fall asleep gently. I could not leave him. I brought him home and your mother and I decided to raise him as our own."

Thor's stomach seemed to drop through the floor.

"No," he said shaking his head. "No, that can't be true. Loki is Asgardian. He's one of us."

"I laid extremely strong spells on him to conceal his true form. But he is Jotun, Thor. And more than that, I believe he may even be Laufey's son."

The whole world was upside down and wrong and yet a part of Thor felt a little relieved. This was how they had been able to bond. They shared no blood and Loki's alphahood could include... the other way as well. Their pheromones were calling out and had answered each other.

He wasn't sure how he felt about it all, probably too shocked to absorb it just yet, but he knew one thing for sure.

"I'm going to get him back," he said.

"Thor, you know travelling to Jotunheim is forbidden."

"I am not leaving him there alone! He could be in danger!"

"We will send word to Laufey and..."

Thor wasn't listening. He was already running back towards his chambers, thinking through what he would need for the trip. Clothes, weapons...

He was going to Jotunheim no matter what.

Loki might need help, might need rescue...

He heard the door lock behind him with a horrible inevitability. He ran to the balcony, thinking to climb down, anything that would get him to the Bifrost.

Magic fizzed all around him. He could step outside, but go no further. Trapped. They'd sealed him in.

Even Mjölnir bounced off it, stuck in mid-air until he summoned her back.

If he wasn't so angry, it would have been easy to dispair.


	23. Chapter 23

"Unhand me!" Loki yelled, struggling.

"What _is_ it?"

"Asgardian spy."

"No. Too obvious."

"Asgardian scout?"

"Maybe. Squirmy little thing anyway."

"Let me go!" Loki shouted. "I don't meant you any harm."

They laughed, bringing him up to face level.

"Aw, cute. It thinks it can fight."

Loki hurled out bright lights directly into their eyes, harmless but blinding, grunting as he was reflexively dropped into the snow.

Escaping. That was the main thing. There was no point in turning invisible yet. His footprints in the snow would give him away.

There were rocks not too far away, maybe with caves, somewhere he could hide. The giants were yelling still, howling and spitting out threats, one of them throwing shards of ice in random directions, generating them with magic. Strong magic.

A spear thudded into the ground, sailing over Loki's head, his heart pounding, mouth dry with fear, trying to run in an unpredictable pattern.

Something hit him in the shoulder, something sharp and cold, ripping through all his layers of clothing, a cry in his throat as he stumbled and slipped and felt a distinct lurch under his knees.

The snow gave way beneath him, a concealed hollow, sending him tumbling into darkness, trying his best to claw at the wall of ice and slow his descent to limited avail.

The air was knocked from his lungs as he hit a rock, a sort of ledge, but at least he wasn't falling anymore.

He scrambled forwards, trying to hide, moving into a narrow cave as he heard voices up above.

"Where'd it go?"

"A fall like that might have killed it."

"No. Small but resilient creatures, Asgardians. We should report this, get a proper search underway. There's only one; it can't do much damage alone. And we can always deliver the corpse back to Half-Blind if that's all we find."

Loki felt like he hadn't breathed the whole time they were there, only daring to crawl out when he was absolutely sure they'd gone.

He needed to move. He needed to get away from here.

He needed to treat his wound...

It was bleeding sluggishly, more of a scratch than an actual cut, but the surrounding skin...

He couldn't see it very well, but it looked bruised. Darkened. Maybe even frostbitten.

He'd need to clean it really before trying any healing spells. Would snow do the job? Fresh water would be better, or boiled, but that would mean lighting a fire and he couldn't do that, not yet...

Was that... trickling he could hear?

He crawled to the edge of his ledge, hoping against hope that it wouldn't collapse under his weight, and peered down into the darkness.

There was a river down there. Or maybe a channel of snowmelt. Either way, it was what he needed and potentially a way out - no footprints in water, after all.

Gritting his teeth, he started creeping down the cliff-face, going slow and careful, making sure he was always sure before resting his weight on anything.

His arms and legs ached by the time he reached flat ground, unused to this kind of strain. But there was a river here, small but fast, and stone banks. The kind of cover he needed.

But which way to go? Upstream or downstream?

It looked like upstream would go into the mountains. It would be the harder route, but he'd be more likely to find a cave to shelter in. Downstream... Well, it looked easier, but surely that would lead towards civilisation.

He didn't think he was ready to meet any more locals just yet.

Shuffling his pack a little, trying not to put pressure on his injury, he started heading upwards, having to scramble with limited dignity sometimes, the frosted icicles around waterfalls beautiful under any other circumstances.

He walked until he couldn't see the place he'd fallen anymore and only then braved the chill to remove his clothes and have a proper look at where they'd caught him, letting his mind's eye slip out of his head and float round for a proper view.

To think he'd learned this spell to check his hair from the back and now...

Oh, it looked nasty. He wondered if the Jotuns used poison in their weaponry. It was purpish-blue, not the black of frostbite, but certainly not healthy at all.

He rinsed it as best he could, wincing at the cold water, and bound it up with scraps torn from his undershirt.

Right.

Time to settle down, tend to his bruises, eat some food, try to get some sleep. He'd have to move tomorrow, maybe a long way.

And he was definitely not regretting this. Not at all.


	24. Chapter 24

To say Thor was upset would be a great understatement.

He'd been confined to his rooms, Odin insisting that he needed to calm down before doing anything. But he didn't want to calm down. He wanted to act, he wanted to get over to Jotunheim and bring Loki back as soon as possible.

He wanted to let him know that they could get through this together. It would be alright.

And maybe he wasn't quite sure how it was going to be alright, but it would be. He knew it would.

As long as Loki was with him.

He prowled about his rooms in a terrible mood, wondering what, if anything, his father was planning to do to bring Loki back. What would this mean for the future of their realms?

Did Loki know the truth of his parenthood? Was that where he was going? To meet Laufey, to stake his claim on Jotunheim as the rightful heir?

That seemed dangerous. Thor hoped he was being suitably cautious, especially if Odin was right and they had expected him to die. They might not welcome him back, especially since he'd been living in the home of their enemy.

A note being shoved under his door was not at all what he expected in his increasing worry. He picked it up carefully, a faint waft of perfume rising from it. Familiar. He knew this person.

_"I saw what happened. Come to the balcony at sunset."_

Hmm...

That perfume really was strongly familiar. Experimentally, Thor inhaled it deeply, closing his eyes and letting his... unruly side answer the question for him.

A woman, certainly. Definitely not Sif - she smelled of armour polish and ale and sweat, and this was more floral.

The horrible conclusion stole over him that this was one of the women he... spent time with in his fever. He wasn't sure which of them though. He couldn't quite decide.

And the message... What did it mean? Had she seen where Loki went? Would she help him? Someone ought to.

At least Mother was very regretful when she came to dine with him, sitting down opposite, looking very, very tired.

"I take it I'm still to be held here for the moment?" Thor asked, adding pepper to his soup.

She sighed.

"I'm sorry, Thor. This is delicate ground and your track record in that situation is not the best. Your father knows what he's doing. Trust him."

"But with every moment we wait, Loki is out there alone. What if he's lost? Or hurt?"

She wasn't able to hide her fear, the same horrible churning that Thor was feeling. But she was stronger than him. She knew patience where he could only urge action.

And he wasn't sure how much of that was his own instincts and how much was the beast driving him to find...

Well, his mate.

"Barging into Jotunheim won't do Loki any good. It could even put him in danger. It could put Asgard in danger."

Perhaps she was right, but Thor still wanted to gallop across the Bifrost and sweep Loki home. He mumbled his way through the rest of dinner, but did manage to summon up enough affection to embrace her afterwards.

Despite being grown, maybe part of him would always appreciate a hug from his mother.

Which made creeping out onto his balcony to meet the mystery woman a little more of a guilty move. But he needed to know what she knew, what she wanted. Whether or not she could help him.

He watched the sunset, orange and pink, dark clouds in threatening rows that might have a little to do with his sombre mood, watching as people came and went below him.

Was she going to try to climb the walls? Shout up to him? Surely the magic keeping him from leaving wouldn't let anyone else enter...

He wasn't expecting a voice to suddenly echo in his ears.

"Prince Thor?"

"I... Yes?"

"Oh, good. I wondered if you'd got my note. I'm so sorry for what happened. We should have protected you."

He frowned, squinting down at the street.

"Where are you?" he asked.

"Look up. And left. And further away."

He had to squint, but he could see a figure waving from the window of a building several streets away. He tentatively waved back.

"I just needed a clear line of sight for the spell to work," she said. "Are you well? They say you've been taken dreadfully ill. What's been done with your brother for his crimes?"

This was much, much too strange. She sounded like she was right next to him and she seemed to know an awful lot about him...

"What crimes?" he asked.

"Well... taking you against your will. I saw him, I saw what he tried to do."

Thor blushed, hot and cold all at once. She'd seen them. She knew.

"He calmed me out of my fever," he said. "He was the only one I didn't scream at. He saved me and that is all."

"Those were not the actions of a concerned brother. That was someone looking for gratification. He knew what he wanted. He'd done it before if I'm any judge."

Sickness rolled through Thor's gut, but he did his best to conceal it. Whatever Loki had done, he still wanted him back home and safe. Besides, he got the distinct feeling that she wasn't talking to him out of the goodness of her heart.

"What do you want?" he asked.

She laughed, maybe with a hint of nerves about it.

"Well... I didn't lie my way into your cell for nothing. I had hoped to be the one to cure you and get myself onto a throne, but since that didn't work out, I suppose I would accept a more minot title in exchange for my silence on this scandal."

Blackmail. So that was how it was.

"Why would anyone believe you?" he asked. "I'm a prince and you're a..."

He could practically feel the frosty reception that garnered.

"What?" she asked icily. "What am I? A whore? Was that what you were going to say?"

It was, even as he regretted even having the thought. Those women had put themselves in danger for him and he was grateful. But it would be what people thought.

But if she claimed she'd managed to trick her way to him then maybe she wasn't one of them at all. Maybe she was something else.

"You're a mage," he said thoughtfully. "How powerful are you?"

She hadn't been expecting that.

"Powerful enough," she said suspiciously. "Why?"

A plan was beginning to form in Thor's mind.

"Because I might be willing to negotiate."


	25. Chapter 25

It was too dark to try to find food. Loki decided to eat a little of the supplies he'd brought, just enough to keep his stomach from rumbling, and settled himself down to sleep.

He was woken by his pursuers calling to each other in the night. He hesitated, trying to decide what to do, settling on making himself invisible and hoping that they didn't have good senses of smell.

They were ice creatures so they might do, honed to find food in their frozen land.

They were coming closer, but they didn't seem to be tracking him. Or at least he didn't think so. They were just looking, systematic but with no leads.

He felt like a child afraid of the monster at the window as a shadow passed over the mouth of his sanctuary, blocking out the moonlight, wrapping his blanket all the firmer around himself.

"Anything?"

"No. Can't see anything anyway."

"We're fucked. King Laufey's orders..."

"I know what his orders are! It only has little legs, it can't have got far."

They moved past him, still talking, suggesting bringing beasts to try to sniff him out, and Loki exhaled shakily. He'd been holding his breath, scared to make a sound.

Laufey wanted him captured. These people - these soldiers or guards - didn't seem to know who he was, but maybe just the simple fact that he was Asgardian meant they wanted him caught and imprisoned.

If they worked put who exactly he was, he'd probably be ransomed. Would Odin pay for him? After what he'd done?

He didn't want to go back anyway. He wouldn't be able to face Thor for one thing. It was better to run and hide than have to see the betrayal on his face.

Eventually, his exhaustion overtook his panic and he managed to sleep a little longer, waking before dawn and electing to try to get some distance from the portal point before anything else.

He got out his map and tried to get his bearings.

Mountains... More mountains... River...

He thought there was a small township not too far away but maybe towns were worth avoiding. He could get close, in case of emergency and in the hopes of noticing any news, but stay hidden as best he could.

His shoulder ached as he got up, hunger beginning to settle into his stomach. A food source was a priority.

He'd read a lot about Jotunheim but still knew hardly anything about their foodstuffs. There were animals to hunt, but given the size of everything here, Loki wasn't convinced he'd be able to take one down alone without some intense planning. It wouldn't be impossible, given his magical skills, but it would be difficult.

Plants, then. Well, there were occasional trees, but as for berries... Maybe edible lichens? Roots? Fungi?

Beings of that size could not possibly survive without plentiful nutrients, but whether his more delicate digestion would handle it...

Let alone his refined tastes...

But then again, he was a son of Asgard and from a long line of survivors. He would master this inhospitable landscape and learn to live here.

Crawling out of his cave, he managed to get his bearings, finding landmarks and setting out. The exercise was good for him. It helped to keep his mind away from home and Thor.

It was less good for his energy levels, already a headache beginning to form behind his eyes. Sharp and throbbing. He needed a proper meal. Preferably hot, but anything filling would do.

He'd been following the river, the main recognisable aspect of his map, and he found himself wondering if there were fish within it. Was it too cold for them? Or had they learned to cope with the chill?

Something had to feed all those creatures from the deep he had read about...

Surely it would be worth a try, in a more shallow area, once he was closer to his destination.

In the meantime, he tried chewing bark from one of the few trees he passed, skinnny and knarled, finding it bitter but at least giving some kind of roughage. Better than nothing.

He kept going until he could see the village and then veered off. He'd want another cave, ideally, something small enough that he was unlikely to be followed, something beasts couldn't get into. He didn't mind a bit of scrabbling for the sake of safety.

It took him a long time to find one that suited. Or it felt that way anyway. He couldn't tell how much time was really passing.

He could always move if necessary, but he was quite hopeful for his little homestead on early viewing. He had good vistas down over the river and the township. Anyone coming, he should see them coming a mile off.

Taking off his pack felt amazing, his poor shoulder relieved from at least some of its painful ache.

Right. Fishing. All those skills he'd learned in adolescence that he'd thought were completely useless and yet here he was, collecting sturdy twigs ready to set a trap.

It was simple enough. You just pushed them into the soft mud in a sort of upside-down triangle with enough gaps to let small fish through but to funnel any sizeable ones into a trap they couldn't turn round in.

Of course, they'd always done this in sweet babbling brooks at the height of Asgardian summer rather than freezing cold small rivers, but all the same, he managed it.

Eventually.

And then he decided to use what little energy he had left to stun whatever was in the little pool just downstream of his trap.

Not much, but he managed to gather some green material and some kind of fish - confirming they existed at least - and managed to make himself something not entirely unlike soup.

His cave got a little smoky, but no matter. He was full, warm, he had at least a hope of more sustenance and a secure shelter.

If Thor could see him now, he might even be impressed.


	26. Chapter 26

The blonde's name was Amora and it turned out she had lied about a lot of things.

She liked to spend time on the shadier side of Asgard and had learned that a few ladies of a particular profession were earning rather more than usual and that semi-reliable sources had seen them entering the palace on the very same nights as Prince Thor was taken ill.

She'd put two and two together and waited for word of an official-looking recruiter wandering around and lied her way into the cell in the hopes of bonding with him.

Even she admitted that it was a far-fetched plan, but Thor doubted that it was the first or last time she'd done something so odd to feed her ravenous ambition. Or that she'd just adapted her plan to react to new information.

It was a couple of days before he could meet with her in person, once he'd proven to his parents that he was being calm and logical. Which was all an act, of course, from years of diplomacy training.

They shouldn't have taught him so well if they didn't want him to use his skills.

All the same, sneaking out to meet a sorceress who had pretended to be a concubine as part of a convoluted scheme to try to seize personal power was not easy. He had to make it part of something he'd be doing anyway.

He arranged to see her after sparring, sneaking away from the training arena just after bathing.

She looked very different, a green dress that made Thor immediately think of Loki, her hair bigger and a general air of confidence.

"So," she said, pushing herself up from where she'd been leaning against a wall. "What do you want from me?"

Thor tried to put on his best serious face. This was important.

"Do you know how to travel between realms without using the Bifrost?" he asked. "Do you know how to go unseen?"

"I could, if I knew the right place. Where do you want to go?"

"Jotunheim."

Her face changed immediately from intrigued to disgusted.

"Ugh, why?"

"Because that's where Loki is and I intend to go over there and bring him home safe and never mind the consequences."

That seemed to be a surprise. The official word was that Prince Loki was working on vital inter-realm matters. No-one beyond Heimdall knew the truth, though Thor was sure Amora had thought he was locked up.

"Can you get me there?" he asked.

"For a price, certainly."

He folded his arms, noticing her glance at the way his muscles moved.

"I'm a prince," he said casually. "I can acquire most things."

She smiled, a strange, crooked smirk, a charming little imperfection that would drive some people to distraction.

"Well, I'm sure going against your father's orders will take a title out of the question, but I suppose I could settle for a certain ingredient from the palace stores."

Thor frowned.

"An ingredient? Not flour, I assume."

"Ah, not just a pretty face. No. I'd like something rather more valuable. Powdered bone of reatelp."

Thor had never heard of such a thing.

"What's a... A reatelp?"

"It was a rather round and stupid rodent blessed with strong magical affinity. Its bones can be used as a conduit for hundreds of spells. Alas, it's extinct in Asgard and having it imported from Alfheim and Niflheim is really quite unnecessarily complicated... But I believe your mother or brother may have a supply. Be a dear and get me some, would you?"

This was probably a bad idea, but what choice did he have? Every day wasted was a day Loki could be in real danger.

"I'll do my best," he promised.

Breaking into his mother's supplies was completely out of the question, of course, but Loki's collection...

Going back to his rooms was difficult. They still smelled of him a little. Faded but distinct. And that made Thor's heart ache, the loss acute.

Nothing had been touched. A few drawers and the armoire were still open from Loki grabbing clothes out of them, his bed unmade. Thor picked his way carefully across the floor, heading for the one room in Loki's chambers that he knew was out of bounds.

The magic room.

He wouldn't ever have had any business in there, and besides sometimes Loki's experiments went bang so he'd learned that these things could be dangerous even in skilled hands, let alone his.

It turned out to be more of a cupboard, a tiny room lined with shelves, dozens of bottles and jars.

Right... Powdered bone, powdered bone...

This might be easier if Loki had any kind of obvious organisation system. The liquids were not together and nor were the herbs, nor was it done by size or alphabetically.

Think, think. What was Loki like? How would he organise his things?

He was instinctive and intelligent. There would be a system here, just one only he knew.

Thor tried his best to get into Loki's mindset. What would be most important to him? It wouldn't be making it easy for other people to find things.

He examined the jars closest to the door, the stained shelving here from dozens of spills down the years. He used these things often, herbs and tinctures that Thor even recognised the names of. They were... common. Commonly used. Readily to hand.

So something rare, something hard to come by that was used sparingly, that would be further in, right?

It still took him a long time, but eventually he found a small jar with a faint, scrawled label, half fallen off. There wasn't a lot in it, but Amora had not specified an amount so she could take it or leave it.

And now there was the matter of going to Jotunheim. Should he take help? Sif or any of the Warriors Three?

If he asked them, they would come. He knew that. But as helpful as they would be, he couldn't put them at risk like that. He couldn't ask them to do that for him, to break inter-realm treaties like that.

This was something he had to do alone. Loki was his brother, his... whatever else their relationship might be.

And he was going to get him back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ten points to everyone who spotted Amora.


	27. Chapter 27

Loki attempted to make himself a sort of calender system with small pebbles, but it wasn't long before he gave up on knowing exactly how long he'd been staying in his cave.

He was living day to day for the most part, occasionally managing to prepare two or three days' worth of meals in one go, but mainly focussed solely on continued survival.

His wound had healed more or less, though he still had a nasty bruise. It seemed to be spreading somehow, a deep blue mark, but it wasn't painful or hot to the touch so he didn't think it was poison.

Or maybe that was just wishful thinking.

Of course, he'd ended up smelling rather pungent as well, knowing that he really ought to attempt to heat enough water to attempt to have a perfunctory bath one of these days. He could take a proper look at it then.

No time like the present, he supposed, putting his all purpose pan over his fire pit and scooping some snow into it.

His fish trap had proven itself a success at least, even if more than once he'd had to hide from giants going about their days down by the river. He rather liked watching them from his vantage point, the hustle and bustle of the village, miners and traders heading into the capital city, but he also didn't want to risk being spotted.

There had been some excitement a few days ago, a battalion marching in, causing some alarm. Loki had sat in the mouth of his cave to watch. He wasn't sure what they were looking for. They were going from door to door. Perhaps it was some kind of taxation. Or a census.

Both things he had no intention if being involved in just yet.

Right. Cleanliness.

He elected to try this systematically. His clothes were rather foul but perhaps he could wash them too, one layer at a time.

As for soap... Well, he had some salt he'd harvested from the stalactites at the back of his cave and ground up with rocks. It would be better than nothing. Exfoliating if nothing else.

Right...

It was actually quite warm in the cave, he told himself. Away from the wind and the chill of beyond. He could... take off the layers without feeling the cold.

Or maybe he could try washing his hair first.

He'd gotten into the habit of just slicking it back and now sank his fingers into almost solid tresses as he splashed water onto them.

Oh, it felt good, actually. Warm water, not hot, but already he felt better, more like himself. His hair floated in the pan, so dark, moving like weeds. He wouldn't be as refreshed as he really wanted, but it was better than nothing.

Cleaning his skin was even better, sloughing off grey dead cells, not even noticing the cold anymore.

That bruise though...

Shirtless, he could see the extent of it, spreading over his shoulder blade, a long way from the scar, and down his arm a little. It didn't make sense. He'd never seen any bruise do that before.

Maybe it was some kind of infection, but he didn't feel sick...

It was very strange. He'd never seen anything like it before. No swelling, no tenderness. It felt just like his own skin, just... blue.

He shivered lightly, pulling on his clothes again, all of them except his undershirt which he elected to rinse off in some fresh water.

His hair was crackling with frost by the time he hung it over a rock, hoping it would dry somehow. Or if it froze, he could snap the ice off, he supposed.

He dampened his fire just enough to keep it better hidden and settled into his little nest of furs, wrapping himself up, relying on warmth to ease him off to sleep.

In his dreams, he had a body beside him, keeping him warm and safe, an arm around him, soft lips against his skin.

And he tried his best to ignore that his subconscious insisted that that body was intensely familiar to him. Thor, of course. Sometimes he felt like he could even smell him, a scent he had always taken for granted and now found himself missing.

The occasional sex dreams, he could cope with. That was just libido. It was the sweeter ones that got to him, the fantasies of being held and loved, of comfort and things that could almost be brotherly if they weren't accompanied by distinctly un-brotherly desires.

It was hard not to dwell on it, but he did his best, finding his undershirt still damp in the morning and setting out to check his fish trap without it.

Maybe he should have been more suspicious about that battalion.

Maybe he ought to have realised that they were looking for an interloper, that they'd been asking the locals if they'd seen anything unusual. Like evidence of unknown life nearby.

Maybe he should have seen the ambush coming.


	28. Chapter 28

There had to be another route than the one Loki had taken, surely. Thor hadn't been down to look, but he was willing to bet that there would be a heavy einharjar presence outside the weapons vault looking out for him. Preventing him making any rash decisions.

It would be the most useful passage, though. It would give him the best chance of catching Loki's scent and being able to follow him.

There was nothing for it - he was going to have to do research.

It wasn't his forte exactly. He'd generally done the bare minimum of book learning where he could avoid it. Loki was good at it and could generally be relied upon to give a condensed version of anything necessary with enough bribery.

Where would such information be found? Geography, perhaps? Some of the more specialist works?

He borrowed a few books and scrolls from the library without asking and took them to his rooms for perusal. It was all incredibly dense, difficult to slog through, and it wasn't until the early hours that he found anything useful.

The passage Loki had taken should have brought him out near to the capital city, within walking distance of Laufey's seat of power. It was a clear monument, a landmark to aim for.

He just needed a different way in...

Few tangible leads. Even old books like these considered the Bifrost the main, if not the only, way to travel between realms. Pick your landing spot, somewhere safe for both the traveller and the land they were going to, and use the watchtower generator to create enough magical energy to go. Only criminals and ne'er-do-wells would use these secret methods to get around.

He was despairing a little when he went to meet Amora the next day, bags under his eyes, hair pulled back but still messy.

"You look dreadful," she said mildly, examining her nails. "Do you have what I want?"

Thor pulled the little jar from his pocket and stood by while she examined it.

"There's not very much," she pouted.

"It's all Loki had. You said yourself that it's rare. And you didn't specify an amount."

It was probably unwise to antagonise her, but he was tired and irritable. They watched each other for a few moments, each waiting for the other to blink.

"Fine," she said, shrugging. "Pack your bag, then. I can get you out of here tonight."

"That's my problem," Thor said. "I can't find where to go, where the right place is to cross. There's the one in the vault, but it will be heavily guarded. They'll expect me to try to follow him."

She looked at him like he wasn't making any sense.

"Well, obviously we're not going there," she said. "I'll send you by Bifrost."

Thor did not understand.

"But Heimdall would never allow..."

"Not with Heimdall's permission, _obviously._ It's not like I'm trying to send you all the way to Midgard or Muspelheim. Jotunheim's right next door. It will be easy."

He was not exactly convinced, his expression getting a huff of irritation.

"The Bifrost is designed to move entire armies," she said, very slowly, like she was talking to a particularly stupid child. "Thousands of people all at once. One person is much, much easier to move, especially over a short distance. Leave it to me and I'll get you to Jotunheim. What you do there is up to you."

Find Loki. Talk to him. Bring him home where he belonged.

And figure out the... other thing later.

He shook Amora's hand, agreeing to meet her after dark, and started planning what to take.

Warm clothes, that much was obvious. His winter cape, his thickest breeches and shirts, blankets. Would a tent be sensible or would he stand out too much?

Better to stand out than to freeze to death.

Weapons? Well, he'd have Mjölnir. He wouldn't need anything else.

Dinner was an ordeal. He had never been a particularly good liar and the guilt was eating him alive. Both his parents seemed tired, fragile. Feeling the loss of Loki.

Well, surely then they'd feel better once they were both safely home. He was just going to speed things along.

The knock on his door came very late, his stomach churning, threatening to lose his meal and tight with worry that he had been fooled and Amora had no intention of fulfilling her side of the bargain.

He opened the door suspiciously and found no one there.

And then a hand manifested, pushing on his chest, forcing him back into his room.

"Have you got everything you need?" Amora asked.

"Yes. I think so."

"Alright. I'm going to make you invisible now. Try not to panic."

It felt a little strange, noticing his body disappear. He waved his hand around and didn't see so much as a ripple in the air.

"Right, come on," she said, the door opening apparently of its own accord. "It's quite tiring to do someone else for any length of time."

They made their way up to the end of the Bifrost in silence, Heimdall's watchtower glowing lightly before them.

A faint shimmer began to form in front of him, similar to the rainbow swirl of the Bifrost, but much, much paler.

"When I say go," Amora's voice, straining with effort, her body and his beginning to flicker in and out of visibility. "You go."

The light grew brighter and brighter, more vibrant, but the invisibility was truly failing now and Thor heard a shout from Heimdall, saw him beginning to run down towards them.

"He's coming," he said.

"Not helpful!"

Was he going to have to hold him off? His hair was being whipped by the wind, the portal almost there...

"Go!" Amora yelled. "Go now!"

Thor jumped.

And Asgard vanished behind him.


	29. Chapter 29

Loki had wandered down to check on his fishing set-up and found it almost destroyed. Knocked aside, a few of the sticks broken.

And as he was looking at it and cursing whatever monstrous river beast had done it, a snowdrift erupted into life and he found himself set upon by several giants, too many to fight alone, though he bit and scratched and threw magic around ferociously until he was bound in a sort of sack, his head sticking out, but his mouth tied.

Keeping his hands trapped. Unable to voice spells or use hand casting. Helpless.

"Is that it?" one of them panted, wiping a drip of blood from his brow. "Lot of trouble for something so small. And it stinks. Must be very important."

"It's not for us to question that," the one Loki quickly identified as the leader said. "We got him. We take him in."

Loki screamed and struggled as he was unceremoniously tossed over a shoulder, kicking his carrier as hard as he could until a bright light told him they'd had quite enough of his complaining and had elected to knock him out.

When he woke, he was indoors, in the dark, chained and still gagged but with a far more ornate type than rough cloth. Metal but gentle against his teeth and skin, lined with something soft. A muzzle for a prized pet.

"He's awake," a voice said somewhere off to his left. "I thought they'd given him too much. Been out for hours."

"Take him to the bath," another, harsher voice said. "He's not fit to be seen yet."

Loki scrambled into a crouch as a door was opened and a large figure entered - though of course it was large. They were all large.

"Going to come quietly?"

Loki considered his options and nodded, the chain binding his hands removed. No doubt he was about to be tossed into a trough.

He wasn't expecting to be led to a steaming pool, sweet smelling, tempting beyond belief especially compared to his makeshift bath of the previous evening.

He did not appreciate having his clothes unceremoniously cut off though, whining in vain, trying to cover himself as he hurried down into the water.

Which was everything he'd wanted over the last few weeks in his cave. Hot, soothing, perfect. There was a sponge to scrub his skin and proper soap...

So far, being captured had its ups and downs.

And if they were treating him this well, surely they knew who he was. No ordinary prisoner, no ordinary Asgardian. Worth keeping in one piece.

He did not appreciate the clothes he was given nearly as much. There were swathes of fabric, wrapped daintily around him and tied into a sort of gown, all by dexterous large hands despite his attempts to do it himself, his hair combed back with firm strokes.

"You'll do, I expect," his keeper said. "Come on."

He anticipated going back to the cell, but instead he was taken through corridors of glittering stone, pale light from little sconces, magic if he was any judge.

Where were they going? Why had they dressed him up like this? Like he was local?

Maybe they were the only clothes they had.

Stairs were difficult when they were built for those with longer legs...

Two guards stood at the end of a corridor, looking faintly unsure as they approached.

"I have permission from King Laufey to enter."

"Await his word."

This didn't feel like a real conversation. It was rehearsed, ceremonial. Tradition of some kind.

The door in front of them opened, not to a throne room, but to a private hall. His keeper strode in boldly, Loki following with hurried steps.

He even bowed when they did, just trying to appear suitably deferential. Maybe it would save his life.

Laufey approached, his feet coming into Loki's view, his skin a shade of blue that hinted at violet.

"This is him, then?" he asked, a low voice, soft but with a hint of restraint. It reminded Loki of his father, oddly enough. The voice of the monarch.

"Indeed, sire."

"Hmm. Well. Good. Have him put in a suitable room."

Was that it? That was all he warranted? Not so much as a question or an acknowledgement?

Loki dared looking up, into those red eyes that he had seen in pictures so many times.

Laufey regarded him, tilting his head to the side.

"Hm. Yes, I rather think I ought to undo Odin's spells," he said. "Just to remind him not to meddle where he shouldn't. Shoddy, really, already falling apart..."

The touch against his nose was gentle, but the shock it put through him was not. Loki's whole body felt hot and then cold, and then warm again, tingling, like a layer of skin had been scrubbed off all at once.

And when he looked at his hands...

The gag could do nothing to hold back his screams.


	30. Chapter 30

Thor was screaming too, right up until the point that he hit a snowdrift, ice filling his mouth, sharp and horrible.

Ouch...

No time for that. Escape. That was the important thing. Father might give chase and damn the travel agreement. He'd hoped to have a head start but that might not be possible. He'd have to disguise his route somehow.

But he was surrounded by snow...

Which was riskier? Being caught by Odin before he got anywhere near Loki or potentially making his presence known to the Jotun?

The former, he decided, before he could overthink it, raising Mjölnir high and drawing clouds towards him, feeling the air begin to crackle and spark.

It didn't take him long to melt a large area of snow, keeping the permafrost intact. No footprints.

He panted as he ran in a random direction, hoping to utilise the cover of darkness to hide, just looking for protection. Anywhere that might conceal him. A cave, a forest, a ravine, anything.

Protection first. Looking for Loki afterwards.

No one followed. He wasn't sure if that was a good sign or not. Amora seemed to have dumped him somewhere fairly random. Perhaps they didn't know where exactly he'd gone.

Once he felt relatively safe, the cold hit him, seeming all the worse for the delay. This was like the coldest day on Asgard in the depths of the harshest winter. Was this truly how they lived? How did they stand it?

At least out of the wind it wasn't so bad. And maybe he could try to find a hint of a scent. It would be easy, surely. There weren't many people here. There would be fewer competing smells.

So he thought. He could mainly smell snow, that sharp, metallic tang. But perhaps he wasn't trying hard enough.

He closed his eyes and reached inside, trying to focus. Trying to prod the beast.

_Where is Loki? Find him._

Too far away. He'd have to rely on something more logical first. He'd read where Loki would have emerged from the portal in the vaults and it was... near the capital. Near-ish.

But which direction was that in? He'd need a better view of the landscape...

Climbing would be sensible. Going up a mountain, looking from there. Sensible would be safer.

On the other hand, reckless would be quicker.

He gripped Mjölnir's tie and swung her, tighter and tighter circles, finally hurling her directly upwards and feeling as his feet left the ground.

Speed did not make the cold any more bearable, Thor gritting his teeth against its bite, trying his best to hover long enough to take a good look around.

Was that a city? Might be. It looked a little like the main complex at home, but... stonier. There were strange, cold lights in various windows, not like the orange glow he was used to. There were a couple of smaller settlements along the wag, but he could avoid them.

Gravity overtook him, bending his knees like he had a thousand times before to cushion his landing.

A bearing. That was all he needed.

He set out into the dark, his progress slowed by caution as much as the cold, or so he was telling himself. It was important not to trip or fall. He'd be no use to Loki if he was injured, after all.

At least he'd had dinner before leaving. More ordinary fears were beginning to nip at the back of his mind; he'd been so worried about Loki being hurt or captured that he hadn't even considered the risks of hunger or cold.

No. Loki was clever. He'd have managed. He knew so much about which fungi were edible, about the best ways to manage in even the most adverse circumstances, about how to survive.

For Thor himself, on the other hand... Well, he had sheer bulk on his side, perhaps. But he'd have to find food at some point, even though he felt that every waking moment ought to be dedicated to getting to Loki and bringing him home.

He walked until he felt he needed to stop if he was going to have enough energy to put up his tent. Travelling by night might be a good idea, though. It was more surreptitious. He was less likely to be spotted.

Putting up a tent in the dark was more difficult, but doable, even in the rocky ground he'd chosen for being more sheltered and less overlooked.

Action was good. It was good to be tired enough to fall asleep as soon as he was vaguely horizontal.

As usual, it stopped him worrying too much.


	31. Chapter 31

Well, if Loki thought he'd been miserable before, he'd really had no idea.

He tried not to look at his hands. They horrified him.

Blue. His whole body, blue. Like the wound on his shoulder, but all over. Like a Jotun.

And something else... Something under his clothes. They'd... done _something_ to him, he could feel it. Something had changed. He felt... different. Strange.

His memories of that book about Jotunheim, about how the Jotuns were almost all neither male nor female but what seemed to him like a blend of the two kept coming back to him.

He did not want to see his own body to check. If he didn't look, maybe it wouldn't be so.

And what had Laufey meant about Odin meddling? Certainly, Father had a history of getting involved in affairs that had nothing whatsoever to do with him, but as for specifics...

Maybe the truth had already begun to steal over him. Maybe somewhere inside, he's already worked it out. How he wasn't supposed to think of Jotunheim, how he wasn't Thor's brother, Odin's talk of spells, of hiding...

Maybe this was who he really was after all. A Jotun. A tiny Jotun but a Jotun all the same. They'd tried to hide it from him and now he'd stumbled upon it, underprepared and ill-advised and now trapped.

And Laufey knew about him for some reason... That was odd. That suggested something unusual. Something he wasn't sure of.

They brought him food, even though he was still gagged. He didn't understand how he was supposed to eat until the produced a key.

Ugh... Finally... He stretched his jaw, the long fixed period playing havoc with his facial muscles.

And then they put some kind of collar on him.

"What's this?" he asked.

Or tried to. His mouth moved and air flowed over his vocal cords, but no sound came out.

Still gagged. Just in a different way.

It was rather elegant, really. In another moment, he'd probably admire the skill that had gone into the construction. This was powerful magic, especially to keep it working far from the caster.

His most baleful eyes had a limited effect on his captor. They sighed a little, shaking their head.

"I'm sorry. I don't think this is really necessary, but I have no choice. At least you'll be more comfortable."

Ha! Comfortable? In this strange body? Not likely.

At least the food was good. A few weeks of thin fish soup made anything else seem like the best meal he'd ever experienced. There were actual vegetables here, mushrooms, roots of some kind. Spices. Pepper.

Well, they knew he was a prince, by adoption anyway. They'd be treating him well.

Food made him feel better, a faint headache fading. And maybe he even perked up a little, considering the situation. He was finally able to see beyond his misery to consider a few pertinent questions.

Had they informed Odin of his whereabouts? Was this a hostage situation? Was he being held for ransom?

He tried not to wonder about his new body too much, though of course he had to use the tiny wash room eventually.

It was... strange. Very, very strange. His testicles had vanished, replaced by soft blue skin, two lobes of it, and within...

Yes. Yes, that was definitely... one of those. No doubt about it.

It wasn't like he was unfamiliar. He'd had his fair share of tumbles in the sheets with all sexes. More than his fair share, probably. But it was rather different to have one himself.

He wasn't sure how he felt about it. Less shocked than he expected to be. His cock was still there, much the same as always other than being blue. That was the important thing, that was what he would have felt the loss of.

On balance, he was curious more than anything. And that was very strange. He ought to be more horrified, he felt. More upset.

Then again, he'd always wondered what it was like. He'd even looked into physical transformation from time to time; he could create the illusion of a body other than his own, but he couldn't make it solid yet. It had always seemed like a lot of effort, especially since he wouldn't be brave enough to risk the magic failing if he was... distracted.

After all, what if something got... stuck midway through? Ouch.

And he'd have had to find the right kind of person to share that with, someone who wouldn't breathe a whisper... It would be difficult. Better to stick to what he knew.

He was trying to be optimistic, against his nature. He was not being harmed. He was being fed, clothed, his basic needs cared for. He had an opportunity to explore new anatomy.

The threats stalked the back of his mind, trying to be heard, but he ignored them. There was little he could do about the strong spell holding his voice captive, or the stone walls.

Not yet, anyway.


	32. Chapter 32

Thor woke and couldn't get out of his tent. Snow had fallen as he slept, weighing it down and freezing the ties in place. Nothing a bit of force couldn't solve, but made him all the more glad to have been relatively cosily under canvas. Insulation really was wonderful.

His stomach was making itself known now. He needed to find food, preferably quickly.

A forest would be a good place to start, but the little scrubby copses he could see hardly deserved the name. There might be something there though and it was in the right direction. Worth trying.

Besides, once he found Loki, they could just go home and, while there would be trouble undoubtedly, there would also be dinner.

Having Loki back safe would help him weather whatever their parents could throw at him.

He ended up in a strange sort of rhythm, just one foot after the other, keeping his eyes open for anything edible or dangerous. Eventually, he thought he could hear a river, following that sound. At least he could have actual water.

It was icy cold, putting his teeth on edge, but not so badly as trying to eat snow would be. And maybe there were edible plants here. Or maybe animals came to the water to drink.

He trudged along, not confident enough with his plant recognition to identify what was and wasn't poisonous. He'd prefer to see something else eat it first.

Would his digestion cope with the same things an ice beast's could? Maybe. He might have to risk it.

He didn't know how long he had walked before he heard voices, hiding behind a rock immediately. Frost Giants. More than one.

"If we at least had half a clue of where to look, it would help," one was saying.

"It's not out here. Just look busy, that's the important thing. It's good to be out in the fresh air at least. I hear some are having to search the mines."

"How would it get down there?"

"Well... They are very small."

"We should camp soon."

Thor considered his options. Get some distance or follow them, hoping they'd have food? Maybe he could steal something while they were asleep.

He elected for the latter, trying to move in the shadows, cover to cover. It was quite exciting, really. Sneaky.

Loki would love this. Not for the first time, Thor felt a stinging reminder. Would their relationship ever be the same? Did he want it to be? He'd had a long time to think while he was essentially under house arrest, a lot of dreams and thoughts.

And part of him didn't want it to be the same. Part of him wanted to...

He tried not to even think it. What if Loki didn't feel the same way? This affected them both. It wasn't for him to make decisions like that.

Find Loki first. Then think about the future.

After what felt like days, his quarry finally decided to stop, setting up two tents that looked rather uncomfortable, barely bigger than his own. But they were cooking...

Crouched in a nearby ditch, not daring to look, Thor hugged himself against the cold and hoped the sound of his stomach rumbling didn't carry on the wind.

After what felt like an age, a mostly eaten leg of... something landed close by, tossed over a shoulder. It might as well have been a gift from the norns themselves. Thor seized it and scampered away into a rocky outcrop to eat.

Fatty, more well done than he'd prefer - bordering on burnt - but hot and filling. Thor gorged himself, barely tasting the first mouthfuls, thrilled just to have food at all.

He followed the two giants at a distance, stealing their scraps like a rat, for two days before he caught an unmistakable scent in the air.

Loki?

Loki!

It took all the self control he could muster not to run out in plain sight and barrel across the snow.


	33. Chapter 33

Loki was unbelievably bored as the evening drew on, inasmuch as he could tell without any windows. They'd brought him more food, his keeper asserting once again how sorry they were, but otherwise he'd been left alone.

And now it was dark. The magical witchlights had dimmed. Clearly, he was supposed to go to sleep.

He'd been unconscious a while and despite the comfort of the cot in his cell - huge, soft and with a thin blanket that was warmer than it first appeared - slumber was elusive.

He knew what he'd normally do in this kind of situation. When he needed something to relax him, to help him drift off.

Well, why not? If wasn't like he had anything else to do.

He closed his eyes, his hands under the cover, and tried to find something pleasant to dream of. He hadn't partaken in anything like this in his cave. Too tired most of the time. Not in the mood.

His mind flew to Thor almost immediately and he didn't try to resist. The bulk and warmth of him lying behind him, the strength of his arm wrapped around him, the distinctive hardness that he'd felt that last night...

If he'd been naked, it would have been no effort at all to part his legs just a little and...

He rolled onto his side, trying to imagine it. If Thor had been in his right mind, if he had wanted it too...

Lots of ifs...

Thor was not the most experienced, but he'd be instinctive. He'd wrap his hand around Loki's cock first, sticking with what he knew. Long, easy strokes.

His own hand wasn't quite the same, but he could just about pretend, keeping his grip loose and teasing, sighing out into the cell with the certainty that no one would hear. With the collar, he could moan all he wanted and no sound would come out.

He could feel his arousal growing. How strange to have such a different indication, growing brave and experimentally slipping one finger through his new slit, feeling the wetness there.

A familiar desire burned in his core, tipping himself onto his back and holding his breath as he pushed one finger in.

Hmm. Well, it didn't hurt. Didn't really feel like anything really.

Oh, but rubbing... Rubbing felt good, his hips curling upwards, trying to imagine someone else doing this for him, making sure he was comfortable and ready.

Two fingers was more of a stretch than he expected, but that pleasant feeling of fullness was just what he wanted, his cock leaking as he began stroking himself with purpose, feeling his body clenching and pulsing...

It was almost enough to make him forget he was in a cell, chasing his pleasure, so, so close...

His whole body convulsed, spilling over his hand, muscles tensing and relaxing until he could only lie panting at the ceiling, warmth flowing through him.

Mmm...

Well, his curiosity about this kind of body was entirely justified, it seemed.

What a shame that he'd probably never experience anything like that in reality. Once Odin had him back - if the giants would let him go - he'd probably be in the dungeons for life. They'd break his bond with Thor, probably to Thor's eternal relief, and leave him down there.

Maybe he deserved it for what he'd done.

At least he'd known what it was to be held. At least he'd had that.

And maybe one day, far away in the future, Thor would even forgive him.

He finally slept only to be woken early, feeling rather exposed as his keeper entered, maybe able to tell what he'd been up to in the night.

Breakfast. Fine. He could eat.

"They say your brother has come to Jotunheim."

Loki blinked, convinced he'd misheard. It had been barely more than a murmur, the quietest word. Like it was a secret. He grabbed their wrist as they put down a bowl, wanting to ask a dozen questions at once.

Where was he? Was he here in the palace? Were they going to drag him back to Asgard?

"I don't know anything more. I know they're searching for him, but no sign yet."

Searching... So this was not an official visit. Thor had come of his own volition and was out there somewhere, in the cold, in the ice, possibly alone...

He was torn. Did he want Thor found and taken captive? He could die out there, freeze or starve or fall.

But the son of Odin would be a coveted prisoner indeed. Laufey would not let them go quietly. This could start a war.

All the same, a treacherous little voice in the back of his mind kept saying, if Thor had come for him, maybe he was not so hopeless after all.


	34. Chapter 34

It was Loki. Thor was sure of it. More sure of it than anything else in his life. It was Loki, out here in the hills. Hiding away.

This was wonderful. Once he caught up and made it clear that everything was alright, they could call Heimdall, go home and Laufey would hardly know what had happened.

It was a long slog and he had to be careful, trying his best not to exhaust himself too much, even as his heart danced.

He hauled himself over rocks and scrambled down troughs, knowing there was probably an easier way but only able to go the most direct route.

Surely he was close now. He could smell Loki, certainly him. He wouldn't mistake it.

His nose led him to a cave... This was the place. A bed of sorts, blankets, messy and slept in. And Thor found himself falling upon it, inhaling deeply.

No... No, no. This was wrong. There was the smell of Loki, but it was... old. It wasn't fresh. He had been here, perhaps recently, but no longer was.

But he wouldn't have left these things behind willingly. He would need blankets, need the cooking pot nestled among the remains of a fire. There was even a torn shirt draped over a rock. If he was moving on, he'd have kept such useful items.

He'd gone out and not come back. Something had happened to him.

Protectiveness rose in Thor's chest immediately. If someone had done something to him... Well, he'd be extremely dangerous.

Right. Where had Loki gone?

Taking the shirt with him, Thor followed his nose back towards the river. A shorter route this time. The footsteps of the giants he'd been following headed off towards a village on the horizon.

There was a disturbance here. There were the remains of something made of sticks. A fish trap?

He remembered being taught to do that. Loki had been so much better at it. More patient, better able to judge what kind of distance and depth was needed for the best technique.

Maybe he'd come down here and... been ambushed. Been taken.

The scent trail beyond was there, but it was also very, very faint. Difficult to catch. And he was getting a headache...

Much as he wanted to barrel straight across the whole realm and beat anyone even thinking of trying to stop him into next week, maybe if he went back to Loki's cave and slept a little while, he'd be in a better position to give chase.

Sometimes tactics felt dreadful, but were necessary.

Besides, being able to luxuriate in Loki's smell was very calming. It soothed him. It felt like being home. A sign that he truly was making progress.

When he woke after a few hours, in the night, he could feel the beast behind his eyes. Wanting. Seeking.

But he was still in control. He packed up Loki's things, thinking he might want them returned, and made his way back to the trail.

_This is me. This is me, on my way._

He skirted his way round the village, losing the scent in the process. They'd gone through it and he couldn't tell where they'd come out... It was too faint to find again. He was starting to become convinced that Loki had been carried. He hadn't walked or the trace would be stronger.

There was nothing for it. He'd have to go through the town, despite the intense risks.

It was dark... Maybe he could sneak through as everyone slept. This was no big city. There probably wouldn't be guards. And he was small here. Able to hide.

He retraced his steps and found the scent again, his heart pounding as he approached the first building, glittering with minerals and ice, trying to watch for any lights at windows or movement.

The town was silent, but all the same he slipped from shadow to shadow, having to pause often to make sure he was still on the right track.

He could see the edge of town, the path they'd left by, surely, when a hand was laid on his shoulder.


	35. Chapter 35

Being a prisoner was turning out to be really rather astonishingly boring. Loki was trapped with nothing but his thoughts, vacillating from worrying about Thor to worrying about himself to worrying about Asgard and Jotunheim as a whole.

He tried to ask for a book, something to take his mind off it all, but evidently his hand gestures did not translate.

And his magic was being repressed so he couldn't even do that, couldn't even conjure illusions as a form of entertainment.

The idea of this being his life stretched away in his mind, a dreadful, boring horror. At least if he was dragged back to Asgard in chains he might be allowed something harmless to occupy himself. At least he might be afforded that. Frigga might let him.

However kindly his keeper was, genuinely seeming to care for his wellbeing, a large part of him missed his family acutely. Even if they weren't his family by birth, they were the ones who had brought him up. They had taken care of him when he was sick, had encouraged his magical talents, had given him a life of privilege and luxury.

He even found himself missing Odin. A distant parent, and they'd certainly had their disagreements, but at least... At least he'd tried. He could have chosen not to raise him alongside Thor. He could have cast him out when the condition grew, since clearly he knew what was causing it. And he hadn't. He'd let him stay.

Surely if he ended up imprisoned on Asgard, it would be better than this silent tedium.

A visit from Laufey was a great surprise, the door opening with a decisive clunk and a stern figure passing through it, his keeper in tow.

"Remove the collar. I would speak with him."

The metal hadn't rubbed at his skin and yet Loki found himself massaging the place where it had been, only just able to resist the urge to scream just to hear his own voice once more.

He didn't say anything. He would wait to be interrogated.

Laufey paced a little, evidently troubled.

"Tell me of Odin's heir," he said eventually.

Loki blinked at him.

"Thor? Well, he's... He's Odin's son. He's a fine warrior."

"Is he dangerous?"

That was an unexpected question. Dangerous? Thor? Well, maybe, in the right circumstances.

"He is strong and he will not avoid a fight but I do not believe he would harm anyone without provocation."

"And would he consider your capture provocation?"

Probably not in the way they were thinking. And while Loki was wary, he felt careful honesty was the best path. Maybe he'd even be rewarded and allowed to keep his voice.

"I believe Thor has no motive other than to take me back to Asgard. He will not be trying to start a war or any kind of invasion. It's me he wants, that's all."

"To what end?"

"I imagine to have me punished. I... I committed a wrong against him. It's why I ran here in the first place. I was trying to hide."

Laufey did not trust that. He looked down at Loki, narrowing his red eyes - and Loki was remembering that he must have those now too - and twisting his mouth.

"Odin said he had pre-bonded with you."

Hm.

"Does Odin know I am here?"

"Not yet. He merely sent word that you had come to Jotunheim, suggested we send out search parties. I have not yet decided what to do with you."

That sounded ominous. But it told him that a ransom had not yet been issued. Why not? In Asgard, he was Odin's adopted son; here, he was nothing.

"Surely my only use is seeing what they will pay for my return," Loki said uncertainly.

A slow smile spread over Laufey's face.

"He doesn't know," he said to the jailer.

"No," came the response. "I thought it best to wait."

No title, Loki noted. No "majesty" or "sire". A more casual relationship, it seemed, than they showed in front of the guards.

"Very sensible," Laufey said. "Let's keep it that way."

He turned back to Loki, stern once more.

"Is it true that there was a pre-bond?" he asked.

"I don't really know what that means," Loki tried, semi-truthfully.

"It means that one or both parties have recognised the other as compatible, both from a physical and emotional standpoint, but have not acted upon it. Sometimes it is unconscious, a draw that they don't intellectually recognise. It's an extremely rare condition. It can cause spontaneous ruts in the worst cases."

That all sounded very familiar.

"Then, yes. There was a pre-bond. But I didn't realise there was such a thing. I didn't know."

"Is that why you ran? Because you feared him? You did not wish to risk bonding with him?"

"No. No, I ran because I wronged him."

"How?"

No. No, he couldn't even admit it here.

"I wronged him badly enough that it was better to run and freeze here, giving up my princely life. That's how."

Laufey had been practically crouched to talk to him and now stood up.

"That's all," he said. "For now."

Loki considered fighting having the collar put back on, but thought better of it.

He only hoped Thor was safe.


	36. Chapter 36

Thor lunged forward and then turned, reaching for Mjölnir immediately, dropping into a defensive stance, ready to fight.

The face he met was younger than he expected, a smaller figure though still a giant. A child?

"You're... You're the one they're looking for," they stammered. "The invader."

Withdrawing his hand, Thor tried to keep his voice low and unthreatening.

"I'm just passing through," he said carefully. "I don't mean any harm. I'll be gone very soon."

"I saw you in the street from my window. You're smaller than I expected."

Thor hesitated. This was a child, part of a civilian village. He didn't want to cause them any trouble, didn't want to scare them.

"So you saw that I'm not dangerous. I'm just... trying not to wake anyone up."

It clearly wasn't exactly convincing, his young follower wringing their hands, unsure.

"I should... tell someone."

"No! No, no, no. I'm leaving. I'm leaving. Go home."

He started backing away, hoping that maybe if he got beyond the edge of the village, he'd be gone. It would be written off as just a child's nightmare.

Step by step. Little by little. His back hit a wall but that gave him something to creep against, steadily getting towards the edge of town.

His heart sank as the young giant drew their shoulders back and took a deep breath.

"Here! The Asgardian is here! Help me!"

Thor turned and ran, his feet slipping on the ice, tumbling but getting back up immediately, ignoring the pain in his hands and the blood in his mouth. His tongue throbbed where he'd accidentally bitten it.

Already he could hear clattering behind him, people roused from their beds as he tried to escape. He'd do it by any means necessary, but he'd rather not hurt anyone. This was not their fault, not their fight. They were just trying to live their lives peacefully.

Lights flew up all around him, blinding, just staggering forward, almost out of the village, not even trying to keep Loki's scent in his nostrils as he fled.

"Stop! Surrender!"

"I mean you no harm!" Thor yelled, afraid to even turn round.

He could hear footsteps, closing in. They were faster than him, more used to this terrain and, yes, he could fly but he'd have to stop running to build up enough momentum and if he did, they'd catch him easily...

The first blast of magic hit him in the back, knocking him forward into the snow.

He snarled, rolling onto his back, thunder already rolling all around, bringing down a lightning bolt nearby, hoping to scare rather than strike.

He heard the cries of alarm, trying to stagger to his feet, facing a particularly imposing giant, both of their hands alight with purple magic.

"I have no wish to fight you!" Thor yelled. "Let me leave you in peace. Report me if you wish, but let's have no bloodshed."

They were sensible people. He lowered Mjölnir and they let their magic fade. Mutual de-escalation.

"They will hunt you down," the giant said uncertainly.

"Maybe," Thor said. "Let them try."

The second blast of magic hit him in the side. They'd managed to sneak round him, blindside him in the dark. And this magic was like ropes, binding him, no matter how he struggled, thunder booming off the cliffs but to no avail. He couldn't point Mjölnir correctly.

At least they were apologetic as they carried him back to what seemed to be their town hall, a large barred room. A local prison.

"If we let you go, they would ask why," the one he'd spoken to before said. "The whole village could be punished. We have no choice."

Maybe that was true.

"My quarrel is not with you," Thor said. "But tell me this - has another of my kind passed this way?"

They hesitated, unsure whether to tell him.

"Some of the king's soldiers travelled through our village some time ago and they carried a bag of about your size. But what was within, I couldn't be sure."

"But they were taking it somewhere?"

"Yes. Though where, I also don't know. Perhaps to Laufey himself."

If that had been Loki and if the soldiers would take him to the same place...

Maybe being captured wasn't so bad after all.


	37. Chapter 37

Loki heard the thunder echoing and felt his heart leap. He banged on the door of his cell, looking for answers. Was that natural? Did it always happen at this time of year? Or was it what - who - he thought it was?

Eventually, his keeper came, looking worried.

"What is it? What's wrong?"

Another peal and Loki waved his hands around. There were no windows here. He couldn't judge where the lightning was, how far away.

"You're... You're scared of storms?"

What? No!

Loki tugged fruitlessly at the silencing collar. They had the power to release him from it, he knew they did and if he could just ask in words...

"I'm sorry," they sighed. "I can't. I'm not even supposed to talk to you beyond what's absolutely necessary. Laufey worries that I'll..."

What? Worried about what? And no title, again. Who was this person? Why were they simultaneously so bold and so submissive?

The next roll was softer. Loki was almost certain now. That was Thor. And Thor only caused storms when he was fighting, furious or upset.

Any of those were bad options.

He could feel tears welling in his eyes, frightened, trying to blink them back.

"It will be over soon. It's very unusual at this time of year."

Yes. No doubt. Confirmation then that it was Thor out there. Was he in trouble or just angry?

If he was careering across Jotunheim in a foul mood, he'd be caught quickly. An adopted son of Odin was one thing, but the heir to Asgard? That was a fine prize indeed. No wonder Laufey was so interested.

So had he already been found? Was that storm a signal that he was fighting, all alone out there, possibly hurt?

Not knowing was the worst thing. Loki felt like his stomach was being turned inside out, intense fear and worry aching within him.

Even if he could somehow escape, he'd be no use to Thor with this wretched collar on. He couldn't cast, couldn't so much as call out to warn him of anything.

And besides, Thor might not recognise him looking like this.

He sat down on the floor, clearly the very picture of misery, his jailer crouching in front of him and gently wiping his eyes.

"I could help you sleep if you wished."

It wouldn't help, not really, but at least he wouldn't have to sit with his thoughts...

He nodded, almost comforted by the large hand gently laid against the side of his face and the flash of light.

When he woke, carefully tucked beneath his blankets, everything was... strange. Despite waking with a start, all his muscles felt loose and relaxed, a deep warmth within him, a smouldering feeling of desire. It reminded him of home. Of taking someone by the hand, leading them towards his chambers, all smiles and hooded eyes and little touches, that anticipation of pleasure curling within him.

It smelled of home too...

Yes...

He rolled out of the cot and prowled towards the door, inhaling deeply, confused by his body. He felt so...

Mm...

The door wouldn't open. Why wouldn't the door open? He needed to get through the door. All he wanted was on the other side of the door.

His voice didn't come out no matter how much he yelled in rage. His fists felt weak against the door, hammering and pounding, demanding to be let out.

Someone else banged back...


	38. Chapter 38

The soldiers came for Thor quickly. Evidently they hadn't been too far away. Capture was probably more or less inevitable.

And he went quietly. He let them bind his hands, let them try to take Mjölnir from him. They couldn't, of course. Practically bent double as she thudded into the ground.

"I can carry her," Thor said. "Or we can leave her out in the open and I'll collect later. It'll be safer that way."

They laughed at that. All the same, they waited until they were far from any buildings before commanding him to drop her, rolling their eyes as he thanked them.

"You're much less trouble than the other one."

Loki, he assumed.

"How was he?"

"He reeked for one thing. And he kicked. We had to carry him."

Yeah. Not putting up without a fight, that was Loki. Thor was strangely proud of him.

"The two of you don't seem like an invasion."

"Oh, we're not," Thor said. "It's all just a minor misunderstanding. We'll be on our way soon."

"I wouldn't be so sure. I believe his majesty has plans for you. Don't bother asking. I wouldn't know. Above my level just a bit."

That didn't sound good. Thor's plans were to get in, get Loki, yell for Heimdall - assuming his voice would cut through the shielding over Jotunheim - and go home. They could handle the diplomatic headache afterwards.

Of course, that was his intention but as they neared the edge of the capital, he began to have a horrible feeling creep up his spine, Loki's scent growing stronger by the moment. He could feel his breathing growing more ragged, his skin heating up.

"How strong are these chains?" he asked shakily.

"Strong enough."

Thor took deep breaths and tried to stay in control, doing his affirmations in his head over and over.

_This is me, this is me, this is me..._

"Listen very carefully," he said. "I may be about to lose control. I don't want to hurt you, but if you stand in my way, I might. I hope I... Ah!"

The pain lanced through him, right to his gut, doubling over with it. The beast was roaring within him, knowing that its mate was nearby, close enough to smell, close enough to taste...

"Hey, Asgardian, you sick?"

"Run!" he managed. "For your own safety, get back..."

They didn't. Not when he roared, not when he started running, throwing them off without a care for his own pain as they tried to hold him, knowing he was being injured but unable to stop, the chains between his wrists snapping like a rope giving way.

He was bleeding. His wrists were bleeding where the cuffs had cut into him, his face stinging from a blow, and yet all he could do was run towards the palace, servants screaming and running from his approach.

For Thor, it was like he was a prisoner in his own head once more. He couldn't stop himself, couldn't yell out warnings, could do nothing but roar.

He breached the door more by surprise than anything else, sniffing the air and barrelling forwards, leaping down enormous stairs, through doors that were... strangely unlocked.

That was wrong. Why wouldn't the dungeons be locked? That didn't make sense.

He finally burst into a room with a person in it, a giant who stood up in alarm, a giant who...

Who smelled a little like Loki, but different. It was odd. But they backed away immediately. They didn't try to stop him.

And then he heard the banging. A door down a side corridor, the intoxicating smell of Loki pouring off it.

He snarled, stalking his way down there, his hands resting on the wood that was the only barrier between him and all he desired. A heavy padlock held it shut.

Thick wood. Too thick. The beast roared and slammed his fists into it while Thor tried to be heard inside.

 _I can get in,_ he tried to reason. _You need to let me be in control._

 _Mine!_ the beast countered. _Need!_

_Stop. Calm down._

It took a long time, but eventually Thor felt his real mind rise somewhat to the surface, enough for him to hold out his hand and call Mjölnir to him.

There was a lot of clattering and banging, the occasional scream until finally she was in his hand and he could smash the lock to smithereens.

The door opened immediately and something leapt upon him in a blur of blue, strong arms and legs wrapping around him, knocking the air from his lungs.

Loki? The smell was certainly Loki, but everything else?

Without warning, the beast rose again, carrying its prize into the room - cell? - and depositing him on the bed, something snapping under his hand, some kind of necklace he thought...

And Thor was able to see, finally.

It was Loki, but at the same time, it wasn't. That was his face, his hair, his lips, but those red eyes... That blue skin...

Beautiful. Exquisite. But there was something else, there was something not right.

Loki panted beneath him, eyes glazed, trying to rip at their clothes and Thor realised...

This was Loki's beast, matching his own. A creature of mindless desire. And for all he knew, Loki was inside, screaming in terror and begging for this not to happen.

He rebelled. No. No, he would not do this.

He forced the beast back, taking Loki's hands in his, trying to be gentle as he pinned him down, ignoring as best he could the arching and thrusting against his flesh, the obvious arousal.

"No," he bit out. "No, this isn't you. Fight it, Loki. Push it back."

The weeping was awful. It hurt, he knew it hurt, he understood, pulling Loki into an embrace. Closeness had soothed him once. Perhaps it could work here too.

"You'll be alright. I promise. I'm here."

Loki clung to him desperately, legs wrapped tightly around him, inhaling against his skin.

"I love you," Thor said.

Loki merely sobbed.


	39. Chapter 39

Every cell of Loki's body burned except where Thor was holding him. Stupid noble Thor, needing him to be in his right mind first, refusing to give him what he needed...

He wanted to be kissed, he wanted to be held and touched and, well, his body wanted something more intense, but most of all he just _wanted..._

"I love you," Thor said, and Loki wanted to scream and beg but couldn't make his mouth form words.

Gradually, the pain subsided, at least a little. His breathing leveled out. His grip became maybe slightly less vice-like.

It didn't stop him crying out in alarm when Thor moved though. No, no, no, don't leave me...

"I had rather hoped you'd just get on with it."

Laufey's voice seemed to enter his ears from far away.

"What's wrong with him?" Thor asked.

"First rut. You know how it is. You know what he needs."

"No. No, not like this. He's not in his right mind."

"And what has that got to do with anything? You're his mate. You beat half a battalion to a pulp to get to him. See to his needs."

"No. I can't be sure that this is what he wants."

Loki wanted to tell him that he did, that he had wanted Thor for so long...

All that came out was a whine, Thor turning to him and gently stroking his hair.

"I know," he murmured. "I know, Loki, I know. Just be strong."

He didn't want to be strong.

"Fine," Laufey said. "Have it your way."

The door banged shut and finally Thor lay down with him again, rubbing his back, his every touch like balm even through layers of clothing.

And he wasn't angry. Or disgusted. And that made Loki want to weep, want to thank whatever kindly norn had favoured him so much as to give him a brother like this. A brother who would forgive him, would comfort him, would care for him.

Soon reality would hit him. They were trapped. They were imprisoned. Their lives would never be the same ever again.

He was Jotun for one thing and that meant... Many things. It meant he could bear children, if he wanted to.

He'd never much been able to square his sexual preferences with everything he knew about alphahood. There had always been a lot of talk of women and whilst women were delightful company and beautiful and he found many of them highly attractive, he had never seen any point in restricting himself only to them. It was all so... breeding orientated.

And now it turned out he was neither male or female himself, as such. Didn't feel any different in himself. He didn't think he was more feminine now, but maybe part of him had always been between things. Neither one nor the other. Both at once. Something that didn't fit.

He fit in Thor's arms though. And maybe that was all he needed.

This degree of conscious thought was a good sign. Felt more like himself.

But was he fully in control yet?

The collar was somewhat broken. Thor had done that. Or the mindless side of him. Its first instinct after claiming had been to free him from his bonds.

Experimentally, he tried clearing his throat, scratchy from sobbing. A little of his voice came out. Quiet and barely audible, but compared to the forced silence of the last few days it was shouting...

"Thor?"

He'd been hugging him from behind and now moved, checking on him.

"Loki?"

"I need this off."

He tugged at the collar, feeling the magic leaking from it. Breaking it completely took a lot of effort, even for Thor, his muscles straining until it finally gave, both of them wincing at the blast of power that burst from it.

But it was off, finally. He could sigh and hear it, he could make any noise he wanted. He could speak.

"You alright?" Thor asked.

"Mm. Think so."

He watched at Thor got up, fruitlessly rattling the door.

"They wanted me to come down here," he said vaguely. "There was practically no resistance."

Loki eyed the drying blood all over him, raising his eyebrows.

"Doesn't look that way," he said.

"The doors weren't locked, I mean. And the... person out there did nothing to stop me. Why would they do that? Why let me just walk into the dungeon?"

"Obvious, isn't it? Laufey wants us to bond. Wants me to be your consort, a Frost Giant on the throne of Asgard."

Thor came and sat next to him, not too close, but enough that he didn't feel alone.

"Securing his grandchildren's future," he said.

Loki stared at him, a rock forming in his stomach.

"What are you talking about?"


	40. Chapter 40

Thor's heart sank. He didn't know. Loki didn't know who his birth father was. Or was Laufey more like his mother? His parent, regardless. He'd assumed he knew, that that was why he'd run to Jotunheim in the first place.

"Thor? What are you talking about?"

Should he tell him? Was it his role to reveal this great secret?

As the person who cared most for him in the world, maybe it was.

He took Loki's hand, hoping he didn't mind the dried blood too much, the dark brown of it contrasting with his beautiful blue skin.

"When you... When you ran away, Father told me everything. How he was making his way through the Jotun capital just after the war and how outside the palace, he found... a baby. You."

It was awful to be watching Loki's reaction. So far, he didn't seem shocked. He must have put this together himself. Always was a quick one.

He wasn't going to mention that Father had also said he thought Loki had been deliberately abandoned.

"And so he... He took you to raise as his own, but believing that Laufey was..."

The door opened suddenly, to Thor's surprise. He thought they were being left alone to let nature take its course. It was only their strength and his training that had kept them in their right minds.

"You're to bathe, Odinson," the single guard said.

"Can't we go together?" Loki asked.

A heavy sigh.

"I'm not supposed to even let you talk. I should be repairing your collar. You should be grateful."

This was no normal guard talking. There was... care here. Something, anyway.

Thor stood up, rolling his shoulders.

"I'll feel better once I'm clean," he said vaguely, letting himself be led out.

The jailer removed the remains of his cuffs with the wave of a hand, the locks clicking open, leaving Thor hissing with the sting as his wounds were bared to the cold air.

"If you touch him without his permission," they said softly. "You will not know what hits you."

Protective too? That was interesting.

"Who are you?" Thor asked. "You're not an ordinary guard. You're too lenient, too easy with him."

They led him through to a warm pool, gesturing at him to wash, turning their back. So unafraid. Not that it would be in Thor's interest to harm them.

He cautiously undressed and slipped into the water, glad that it was warm, assessing the extent of his injuries.

"I think if you had continued in talking, Loki would have worked it out," came the voice behind him. "He's very clever. But he feels things deeply too. I'm not sure I'm ready for him to know the truth."

Thor scrubbed at the parts of his skin that didn't hurt, undoing his hair from its plaits, considering what he was being told.

"Are you... Are you his mother? Or father? I'm sorry, I don't know which word is right."

"I'm one of Laufey's companions, yes. I was once his favourite. And Loki, the one you call Loki, is my child."

Thor turned in anger, finding their head bowed and sorrowful, his rage subsiding immediately.

"You left him in the snow," he said, trying not to sound too accusatory. "You left him to die."

He was quite glad that his modesty was protected when they turned round, furious.

"I wasn't given a choice! I would never have left him. Laufey told me he had died at birth, too small to survive, and I mourned him. You don't understand - as king, Laufey is expected to bring forth strong, healthy children. To bear Loki when he'd already lost the war... It was too much for him. I don't believe he knew what he was doing."

Thor wanted to believe that. It made sense, didn't it? If you had already faced the destruction of your home, the desolation of your people, in a moment of crisis and panic, maybe you might feel unable to take care of something else amongst it all.

"And then so recently I learned that he had lived. That Odin had taken him, in secret. That the second prince of Asgard was none other than my own child, running unknowingly back to me. Not that I am allowed to tell him the truth. I have to sit by while Laufey plans to have him ravaged by his own brother as a bargaining chip."

If anyone had a right to talk about being ravaged, Thor felt it was probably him. He hadn't been fully himself when Loki had sneaked into the cell. But maybe Loki hadn't either. Maybe they had both been feeling that draw, not knowing what it was.

"I admit, my feelings towards Loki have not been brotherly for some months," Thor said. "And I believe he may feel the same. It is for us to talk through, calmly, decide what to do."

"And your father? What will he make of all this?"

Thor consisered that. He anticipated anger that he had gone to Jotunheim despite express orders, and at his stupidity and recklessness, but as for... the other thing.

"I have absolutely no idea."


	41. Chapter 41

Loki paced and fretted and paced some more. After a while, he realised that his clothing was still awry, taking the moment of privacy to re-tie it more modestly.

What had Thor... thought of all that? His obvious desire? Had he... Could he have wanted him too? In his right mind, not just the wild side of him?

He'd been saying things about his consent, about knowing that Loki wanted it for certain. But could those have just been excuses? Was his plan to go home and to break their bond, to let it wither and die?

His heart ached a little at that.

And then there were the political implications. He knew now, for all that Thor hadn't told him out loud - he wasn't just a Jotun, not just any Frost Giant, but Laufey's son. That was why they were treating him quite so well, no doubt. That was why he had potential value beyond what Odin might pay for him.

Through him, through his children, Jotunheim might be able to claim power in Asgard.

And now he had even more questions. Had Odin kidnapped him? He wasn't sure about that. Laufey didn't seem to have much affection for him as such. He'd hardly been welcomed with open arms as a long-lost child.

So what had Odin's plan been? Why take him, why raise him as his own? To prevent him taking the throne of Jotunheim? Or was the idea to one day reveal the truth to him and encourage him to go and seize his inheritance? Take Jotunheim for Asgard, at last?

Nothing about his life was in his control. It never had been.

And Thor had known before him. That bothered him too. How long? Why hadn't they just told him?

After what seemed an age, Thor returned, looking better, clearly having had some medical attention as well as a bath.

"How long have you known?" Loki asked.

Thor looked alarmed and then confused.

"Known what?" he asked.

Loki gestured helplessly at his whole being.

"This! That I'm... That I'm Jotun. Not the Laufey stuff, but this."

Surely it couldn't have been long... He'd never forgive him if he'd kept that secret.

Thor sighed, almost relieved.

"When you... left, that's when I found out," he said. "The same time as I learned of your parentage. Mother and Father thought maybe you'd worked it out for yourself, come here deliberately. I made them tell me."

Loki wished he felt more soothed by that. At least Thor hadn't known. At least Thor hadn't lied.

"Why did they take me?" he heard himself ask.

"I believe they were trying to help."

"And why not just tell me the truth?"

"They didn't want you to feel different."

"But I _am_ different."

He tried his best not to be too obviously distressed, taking himself back to the enormous cot, perching himself on the edge of it and hiding his face in his hands. It was overwhelming. Being Jotun was one thing, but being imprisoned by his father as well...

"I don't think we're exactly the right people to talk about the merits of hiding things," Thor said softly.

Loki glared at him from between his fingers.

"What are you talking about?"

Raised eyebrows. Oh. Oh, no, he knew... He knew what he'd done.

Loki practically trembled as Thor crossed the room to sit beside him. Close, but not too close.

"I think we should talk about it," he said.

Not angry. Blandly accepting. And that was somehow worse.

"I'm sorry," Loki said, eyes watering. "I'm so sorry. I should never have gone down to the cell, I should never have touched you."

Thor turned to him, all terrible peace and calm, surely about to explode. The stillness before the storm.

"No," he said quietly. "You probably shouldn't. I wasn't myself. I wasn't able to choose what I was doing. And I have struggled with that; the guilt, the confusion that followed. But I meant more the fact that you wanted to in the first place. Despite it all. Despite what we are. Or thought we were. Or... No. Are, I think."

He really did have a dreadful habit of thinking out loud. And now he was just looking at him, waiting for him to say something.

"What about it?"

Thor sighed and chuckled slightly.

"I just think we ought to say how we feel."

Loki tried to keep his face as neutral as he could.

"You go first."

After a moment's pause, Thor reached over and gently turned Loki's face towards his own, leaning close.

"If you don't want this, please just tell me and we'll never speak of it again."

He'd barely got the words out before Loki was kissing him.


	42. Chapter 42

At first, Thor felt a rush of shock. And then great warmth and love. And then fear.

He'd never really kissed anyone before. What if he was bad at it? What if it wasn't good? Should he be pressing harder? Or less hard?

And he didn't know what to do with his hands as Loki scrambled into his lap, aware of how his robe had runched up a little, revealing the endless blue of his legs, arms looped gently around his neck and gentle, insistent kisses.

He felt the brush of eyelashes against his cheeks, Loki blinking in confusion and pulling back.

"What?"

"I, er... I'm not sure how..."

A little frown of confusion and Loki took his hand, placing it on his thigh, warm and strong beneath his palm but intimate enough to have him blushing.

"I'll tell you if there's anything I don't like," Loki said, settling himself all the more firmly atop Thor's thighs in a way that sent rather alarming bolts of arousal through him. "Follow your instincts."

Well, alright.

Thor started tentatively, stroking up and down Loki's thigh, his other hand running up his back, up to his hair, enjoying the silkiness of it as Loki controlled the speed of their kisses, arching against him just slightly, their breathing deepening and quickening.

A hum of pleasure against his lips when he dared reaching under Loki's robe spurred him on, feeling the sharp bone of his hip, aware that only these layers of fabric concealed Loki's body from him.

Which was a ridiculous thought, really. Everyone was naked under their clothes when you thought about it.

Loki rolled his hips forward slightly, making Thor gasp, suddenly painfully aware of how aroused he was, how obvious...

"I can feel you," Loki said. "Mm... Would you like to...?"

"Would you?"

Biting his lower lip, Loki nodded. And when Thor ran a thumb across it to dislodge his teeth, he didn't hesitate to take it into his mouth, a moment of eroticism that his subconscious - for all its imagining of similar situations - had never supplied him with.

This was probably madness, but they were both here, they were both truly present, they both wanted, they were on a distant realm far from home.

With... With Loki's kind of father just outside the door...

"Wait, wait," Thor whispered. "Can you make it so we're... not disturbed?"

Loki grinned at him, waving a hand to lace a strange white light around the edges of the room.

"I like how confident you are."

Thor spluttered out a laugh.

"Really? I'm terrified. I've never done this before, remember?"

"Well, nor have I. Not like this. Not with this arrangement of parts."

That was fair, Thor supposed, though Loki was still very much the more experienced of them.

"Any advice still gratefully received," he murmured, half against Loki's lips, using his desire to battle his fear.

"Ooh," Loki said playfully. "Prince Thor asking for advice. I should savour this."

He giggled as Thor rolled his eyes, but then took pity on him.

"We'll start slowly," he said, undoing the ties of his robe and shrugging it off in a swish of fabric.

Thor could only stare. There was familiarity here, but also such newness. He hadn't seen Loki's chest in such a long time, and here he was, blue and beautiful and full of strength.

His hands flew to Loki's ribs, thumbs brushing across his nipples, getting a delighted shiver in return that made him bold.

Part of his fear about having sexual relationships had always been the worry of not satisfying his partner. And now here Loki was, breathing heavily in his grasp, writhing in pleasure, and he was sure now that he could do it, they could do this together.

He stood up, letting Loki hold onto him, and awkwardly unbuckled his belt.


	43. Chapter 43

It was a start certainly, but now that they were allowed to touch freely, Loki was keen to have his fair share, pushing at Thor's shirt, glad he'd taken off most of his layers while bathing.

Of course, it would be easier if Thor didn't seem to be completely fascinated by every sound he could draw out of him, leaning forward to wrap his lips around one of his nipples and that was... Ooh...

"Thor..." he whined. "Thor, come on."

Throwing his weight forward finally had Thor on his back, grunting a little but in a position where Loki could wrestle his shirt off and finally gaze down at him properly.

There were bruises and scratches all across his torso, nothing that wouldn't heal, but still. He'd taken those blows for him.

And, of course, his cock was still very evident, hot against Loki's skin as he planted his knees firmly on the mattress.

"You're sure about this?" Thor asked, grabbing his hands. "I... I don't want you to regret it."

"I'm sure," Loki said. "I want you so much. Are you sure?"

"Yes."

"Well, then."

He couldn't help but gasp as he began lowering himself down onto Thor's cock. He could take it, but it was intense, more than he'd expected, inhaling sharply until he was finally seated. Thor rubbed his thighs, his mouth parted in surprise.

"Oh, _Loki..._ "

It felt good to hear his name said with such wonder, such reverence, managing to smile down at him and experimentally roll his hips, gratified by Thor's moan.

This was his first time, or something close to that, and Loki intended to make sure it was special.

Not that he could concentrate terribly well given he was almost overwhelmed by the fullness. Pleasant though it was, he needed to take his time to grow used to it. Slow and steady, his body in constant motion.

Just rocking sent waves of pleasure through him, every change in angle a revelation.

And Thor was gazing up at him, mouth parted, his hands so warm resting at Loki's hips.

"Your cock feels so good, Thor. Mm... Even better than I imagined it would."

"Imagined?"

"Here in the dungeons. Touching myself, thinking of you filling me up, holding me in the dark. Safe and satisfied and... Oh!"

And then Thor sat up, pulling his legs around his waist, a little yelp as he felt it even deeper than before and then a warm sigh as Thor kissed his neck, hands spanning his back, keeping him close.

"I love you," Thor whispered, half into his skin.

"I know... I know."

He was trying to speed up, but Thor held him fast, letting him reach something close to a frenzy before turning them, laying Loki among the tangled sheets and driving into him hard.

Loki arched his back and gasped for breath, simultaneously trying to pull Thor closer and let him be as active as possible, trying to get his leg onto his shoulder for a better angle.

He almost kicked Thor in the head, but he didn't seem to mind, grinning as he caught Loki's meaning immediately, continuing to pound into him. It was instinctive and a little rough, but perfect as he wrapped a hand around his cock, stroking as quickly as he could.

"Good?" Thor managed to say, almost a grunt.

"Uh-huh! Oh, fuck, Thor..."

And then he felt it. Distinctly, his eyes meeting Thor's, a little panic in them that he had to soothe, reaching for his face, nodding through his panting breath.

"Yes... Yes, yes... I want it. Do it."

"It's too fast..."

"I'm close. Don't stop."

He'd wanted to know what it was to be knotted and had chased that desire almost to destruction. This time, he felt he knew what it was to be bonded.

Thor cried out above him, his hips stuttering, wide-eyed and gasping as his knot swelled, met by the answering tightening of Loki. A knot from the other side.

Beneath his hand, Loki felt his own cock thickening, his first time, a long, slow, pulsing orgasm that seemed to last and last.

It was probably only a few seconds, but it felt much, much longer.

And then Thor was collapsing on top of him and rolling to the side, their bodies still locked together, warm and close and exhausted. Sweaty and sticky. Perfect.

A smile. A hand on his cheek.

"What are we going to do now?"


	44. Chapter 44

Thor knew it wasn't what you were meant to say afterwards. You were meant to cuddle and glow and resist the draw of waiting reality. But maybe they had limited time.

And besides, this wasn't some new lover he was trying to impress and retain. This was Loki. If there was anyone in all of the nine who he could be honest with, surely it was him.

All the same, Loki sighed and snuggled into him, closing his eyes. Hiding a little.

"We're in a dungeon, Thor. What exactly do you think we might be able to do in this situation?"

He hooked his leg just a little higher on Thor's hip. It was strangely comfortable, considering.

"Well, I suppose do we let the giants know that we're... You know..."

"Fucking?"

That had not been remotely the word Thor was thinking of, spluttering in protest while Loki smiled.

"I meant that we're... together. United."

"That's one way of putting it."

This was classic Loki evasion. He didn't want to think about the future yet, so Thor knew he'd have to make him.

"Father will pay a ransom for us, I'm sure," he said.

"For you, maybe."

"I'm not leaving without you. That's the whole reason I came, to get you, to take you home. Because I love you. And no matter what's happened, no matter what does happen, we should get through it together."

"How did you get here?" Loki asked, keeping his eyes closed, his breath warm against Thor's chest. "Odin wouldn't have just let you come by yourself, I know that."

Ah. Yes.

"Well, first of all, you can't be angry with me."

Finally, a look in the eye, raised eyebrows of incredulity.

"Why? What did you do?"

"I got help. From a mage. But she wouldn't help me unless I got her powdered bone of reatelp and so I may have... taken yours. I was desperate."

Loki frowned.

"I don't have any realtep."

"Yes, you do. I got it from your supply store and the jar distinctly said..."

"Oh, that! That's not reatelp. I was experimenting with substitutes. Not terribly successfully, might I add."

"Oh. Oh, dear. Not dangerous, is it?"

"No. Well, probably not. Mainly just disappointing. And she pushed you through a portal, did she?"

"More like nudged me through the edge of the Bifrost while Heimdall ran full tilt to try to stop me. I expect she's in a similar situation to us right now. They'll have caught her easily."

Both their knots had deflated, but neither of them seemed inclined to move, even when his cock slipped out of Loki's body.

"He'll pay for you too," Thor said softly. "He loves you. And so does Mother."

Loki fixed him with a blood-red stare, full of sadness.

"Do you really think they'll love me now?" he whispered.

Was that really what he thought? They'd known he was Jotun, they'd always known. They'd hidden it to help him not feel different, not because of any prejudice on their part.

"I mean, I've bewitched the son and heir, my own brother. I can't really see how they're going to sell this to the people."

Maybe he had a point. Half a point, a bit of a point. It was going to be difficult.

"We'll get through it together," Thor said again.

Loki sighed and rolled over, getting up and heading towards the small private room at the end of the cell, the faint sound of water splashing.

"You're too idealistic, Thor," he said. "You think love is going to fix everything and it's not. It can't."

"Why not?" Thor asked, starting to get dressed. "We're princes, Loki. If anyone is privileged enough to do what they want, surely it's us."

"What, so you want to marry me, do you?"

That was somehow an unexpected question. Did he? Should they?

Well, they were bonded now. They loved each other, in an unexpected way perhaps, but surely.

"Yes," he said. "Yes, I do. If that's what you want too."

The ensuing silence told him that Loki hadn't expected that. He reappeared, back in his robes, a little darker around the cheeks perhaps.

"I don't think it's particularly relevant yet," he said. "Laufey hasn't even told them we're here, I don't think. He's still working out what to do with us."

As far as Thor could work out, there really only were two options. Either they'd be held indefinitely or they'd be released, whether for a ransom or as a more political reward.

"Odin might invade," Loki said.

That thought hadn't even entered Thor's head.

"Surely not," he said. "There's no need for that. I doubt Laufey will have much desire for war."

"Well, let's just hope he also doesn't desire to execute us."

Where had all this pessimism come from? Had they really broken him in here? Or had it been his time in the wilderness that wore him down?

Whatever it was, Thor pulled him into an embrace, trying to soothe him.

"If he wanted us dead, we'd be dead already. He wants us to bond and we have. Let's remain calm and hopeful."

"Hope's very dangerous."

"Sensibly hopeful. Cautiously hopeful."

It still felt strange to kiss him, but excitingly strange. Exhilarating.

He wasn't totally convinced that Loki was hopeful at all, but at least he seemed to be humouring him.


	45. Chapter 45

A horrible thought had entered Loki's head and he wasn't ready to tell Thor about it just yet.

If he was Laufey's heir, maybe Thor's comment about grandchildren was closer to the mark than they realised. Maybe that was the plan. After all, they didn't have marriage in Jotunheim, as such. It was the bearing of children that was important.

What if they planned to keep them here until he'd given birth to a child who could inherit? That could take years.

Or...

Shit, they'd just... So he could already be pregnant. It could happen after the first time, couldn't it? How did people live with this risk all the time?

The lights dimmed, to Thor's obvious suspicion.

"Night time," Loki said. "We're expected to sleep."

"I'm not sure I'll be able to," Thor said. "I'm too awake."

He said that, but not long after they had snuggled under the blankets together, Thor was snoring lightly, a comforting arm around Loki's chest, which was nice but not nice enough to soothe him to sleep.

Which meant he was awake when the door opened silently, a lantern appearing, his jailer behind it holding two small bundles.

Or, at least, they looked small when they were holding them.

Loki nudged Thor into consciousness, feeling his warrior instincts taking over, his hold tightening protectively and his breathing becoming more cautious.

"You're awake," the whisper came. "Good. Get up. You're going home."

Deep uncertainty filled Loki's whole being as he accepted his pack, Thor summoning Mjölnir from where he'd left her in the corridor outside.

"I don't understand," he hissed. "We're being released?"

"I will not let you be held captive here."

Going against orders. A midnight breakout. This was dangerous. This could get them all killed.

"Why are you doing this?" Loki asked. "Why risk yourself for us?"

A deep sigh, the weariness of all the nine realms seemingly held in it.

"Because you are my son. And just once, I would like to do right by you. It's clear that you care for one another and I feel you would do so better in your home."

Loki's heart ached. Both for his unknown parent and for himself too. Where even was home? Was it Asgard? Really? Where he was so clearly other, with these deep red eyes?

But it wasn't Jotunheim either. He was a stranger here, a ghost. A secret, kept hidden away. He didn't feel at home at all.

Thor slipped a hand into his, squeezing lightly.

"What's your name?" he asked.

A pause, wondering whether to tell them.

"Farbauti. Now, come on. Time is short."

Unease churned in Loki's stomach, as they sneaked down the corridor and up a flight of stairs carved out of the rock itself, fear, concern.

"Are you going to get into trouble for this?" he asked.

"It's certainly possible."

Maybe it was the way his hand tightened, or maybe it was just Thor all over to try to fix this.

"Come with us," he said. "You'll be safe in Asgard. We can protect you."

"No. My place is here. I'm normally very happy, it's just... I cannot allow this to continue."

The dark palace was difficult to navigate, and while Loki wasn't overly cold, Thor was already shivering slightly. From the chill or from fear?

"We get outside and we call for Heimdall," Loki said softly.

"I'm not sure he can see us," Thor murmured back. "Jotunheim is shielded from his gaze."

"I can break through," Farbauti said. "Don't worry. I wouldn't be doing this if I didn't have a plan."

It sounded so much like something he might say that Loki's heart ached. He wished he'd known. They could have got to know one another, at least a little. And there were so many questions in his mind.

Why had they left him, for one. Was it him? Was it because he was small?

There was care there, though. Affection for a long lost child. Releasing him and Thor, at great personal risk.

The guards looked at them in confusion, bringing up the lights around them.

"What are you doing?"

"I have King Laufey's permission," Farbauti said.

Frowns, doubt.

"We have not been briefed on... this."

Farbauti drew themselves up to their full height.

"I have King Laufey's permission."

One of them drew the bolt across on the main door, heavy, creaking.

"You will not mind if we check first."

Farbauti nodded carefully.

"Not at all, but he may mind being woken."

That tactic did not seem to be working. One guard set off while the other stayed at their post, jaw set but with a degree of fear around the eyes.

Farbauti laid a hand on Loki's shoulder, squeezing lightly, trying to convey a message of some kind.

And then they attempted to knock out the remaining guard.


	46. Chapter 46

The sudden blast was a surprise to Thor, but so too was how easily the guard threw a shield into place, blocking the attack. And then he was surprised by Loki tackling him to the ground as the magic flew over their heads in a searing whirl of light.

"The door!" they shouted simultaneously, Farbauti attacking the yelling guard with fists and spells as they lunged for the bolt.

It was heavy, too heavy for an Asgardian, but surely the pair of them working together...

There was a cry behind them, a thud, and Thor looked over his shoulder to see Farbauti sprawling on the floor, a weapon raised to them.

Right...

He ripped Mjölnir from his belt and tried to be gentle as he tossed her, just enough to knock the spear aside, hearing Loki straining beside him, the lock beginning to move just a little...

The guard turned back towards them, snarling, raising their hands, alight with magic.

Ah. Oh, dear.

It was neither clever nor elegant, but Thor summoned Mjölnir back through their legs, sending them clattering backwards with a grunt.

And then he started floating...

"Loki?"

A hand snatching at his, the two of them being steadily lifted from the ground. And even before seeing him, Thor knew he would find Laufey in the doorway, overpowering them easily.

He pulled Loki into a strange sideways embrace, terrified but facing it together, watching Farbauti crawl forward, clearly in pain.

"What are you doing?" Laufey said, almost kindly, soft. Dangerous to Thor's mind.

"Our son is not a beast to be kept in a cage," Farbauti said, voice audibly pained.

Tutting, and Thor and Loki gently descended until they touched the floor again, holding each other as Laufey gently stroked Farbauti's scalp, comforting, soothing.

"They do say that sires are the softer ones," he said. "They do not give up their bodies, do not know the pain of birth. And I tried to protect you from the hurt."

"I did not want to be protected. You should have told me."

This felt so private. Thor wasn't sure what to do, what they should do, if they should try to run all the same while everyone was distracted...

A heavy sigh from Laufey, a hand beneath Farbauti's chin, making them look up.

"Asgard is a cage too, however golden it might be. You know that."

"But the Odinson loves him. Do not taint their affection with force and hardship. After all, even the strongest of bonds can be broken by circumstances."

Were those... tears in Laufey's eyes? Thor would not have thought him capable of such, but perhaps that was all an act. Perhaps Farbauti knew him as he truly was. As his real self. Vulnerable.

"You loved me once," Farbauti said.

A baleful look that Thor's heart ached to recognise as one Loki also wore at times.

"I love you still, Farbauti. It was the secret, the shame that made me..."

"Hush. I know. Which is why I beg you not to allow it to control you any longer. Let our son be free with the one he loves. Let him go."

Laufey sighed, looking very, very tired.

"You have disobeyed my direct orders, tried to undermine me, tried to go behind my back... I ought to have you imprisoned. But maybe you're right."

He reached towards them, beckoning. Thor hesitated, but Loki was bold, stepping forward, looking so small but so dignified.

"Do you wish to return to Asgard?" Laufey asked. "What awaits you there?"

"I don't know," Loki said. "I don't know what Odin will do, how the Asgardians will react. But I know I love Thor and that he loves me. And together, I hope we will prevail through any challenges."

Thor couldn't read Laufey's expression. Doubtful? Disbelieving?

"If I may," he said, worried about speaking out of turn but trying anyway. "I did not come here out of anything but a strong desire to take Loki home. Because I love him. What our relationship is, we will have to work out together. Let us. Let us develop it in our own way. Please."

Had that helped? Or had he made things worse?

Laufey stared at him for what felt like eternity.

"You look so much like your father, Prince Thor," he said. "But you sound like your mother."

He snapped his fingers, the two guards standing instantly to attention, even the one who was clutching his ribs and wincing.

"Send word to Asgard," he said. "Tell them it seems we have matters to discuss."


	47. Chapter 47

Despite the comfort of Thor's presence, Loki suddenly found himself afraid. He was about to be fought over by two realms like a piece of meat, like a footnote in a treaty.

And besides, it would be the first time any other Asgardians saw him... like this.

"Thor," he murmured urgently as they sat on high, too big chairs, waiting for what seemed like hours, Farbauti pacing nearby. "I'm blue."

The look of confusion wasn't what he expected. Surely he'd noticed?

"I know," Thor said.

"But do I... Do I look...?"

Thor took his hands, squeezing lightly, reassuring.

"You look beautiful," he said. "But that doesn't matter. You are their son. We both are."

"And now we're something else too."

"Yes."

How could he be so calm, so certain? Didn't he realise what was about to happen? They were about to be exposed, to their parents, no less.

Oh, he felt sick...

"Everyone in this room will know we've had sex, Thor."

Thor laughed. He actually laughed.

"So what? They've had sex too. Hence us."

"Ugh, gross..."

It was helping a little. Distracting him. And Thor's arm around him helped too. They were facing this together, at least.

Loki wasn't sure how he felt when he saw Odin and Frigga, flanked by two einharjar who looked utterly terrified and shocked at their current situation. No one had been to Jotunheim for years. It must have been a great surprise to be told where they were going.

No one spoke. Laufey sat at the head of the table, Farbauti choosing the seat on Loki's other side, leaving Odin and Frigga to use the stools provided to climb into their chairs.

"So," Laufey said. "It appears we've all been misled one way or another. I believed my son was dead. He believed he was Asgardian. You believed there would be no consequences for your actions."

It was strange, thinking back to pale skin and green eyes. It felt like another life almost.

"We're here for our sons," Odin said. "Name your price."

A pause, a smile that didn't reach Laufey's eyes.

"Were it merely the living arrangements at stake, perhaps I could rest more easily. After all, he's well fed. Healthy. You have truly taken him in as your own, clearly. And for that, I am unexpectedly grateful. But he is no longer Prince Thor's brother, but his mate."

Loki's cheeks burned. You couldn't just say it out loud like that! So blunt!

Frigga gazed at him across the table, looking between him and Thor, kind eyes.

"Is this true?"

"Yes," Thor said, taking Loki's hand. "It is."

Odin closed his good eye and sighed gently.

"I feared this would happen," he said. "I didn't realise what was happening until it was too late."

Loki wasn't sure what he meant. Of course, raising children as siblings was obviously not supposed to end in them entering a romantic or sexual relationship, but once the risk became apparent, surely just telling them...

"I have a proposal," Laufey said. "The young people will return to Asgard. Their bond will be allowed to flourish. However, any children of this union must give up all rights to ruling Jotunheim."

Somehow that hadn't been what Loki expected. Surely it would be in Laufey's interest to secure his line.

"Any child raised in Asgard would not be accepted as a leader by the people of Jotunheim, no matter who their parents might be. I had thought to raise the infant myself, but..."

Farbauti gently placed their hand over his, blinking rather more frequently than normal. Holding back tears, if Loki was any judge.

"But," Laufey continued. "I have been reminded of the pain of being forced to give up a child. And I do not wish that for my son."

This was all very strange. Loki didn't even know if he wanted children at all. To have them spoken of as a certainty, as a future risk to the security of the peace...

"Jotunheim must also relinquish any claim to Asgard on the same terms," Odin said. "Their claim would pass through Thor's blood."

"Done."

They shook hands across the table, slightly awkward with the size difference.

Was that it? It all seemed... too easy. Too simple.

"Don't we get a say in this?" Loki heard his own voice ask.

Everyone turned to look at him, even Thor. Like he'd spoken out of turn while discussing their future.

"Quite right," Frigga said after a brief pause. "What do you want?"

What did he want? Well... Er...

"I don't know," he said. "I want to... go home, I suppose. I want to try to work things out, but I don't know if it's possible. I mean, will I even be accepted there? I used to be Thor's brother and now I'm..."

"You're still my brother," Thor said immediately.

Why didn't he understand? Everything was different now.

"Generally speaking, Thor, brothers do not have children together."

"Well, fine, then we're something else. But I love you. That's what matters."

"You can't solve everything with love, Thor. You can't just make people forget the war, you can't make them not notice that I'm Jotun, you can't make the crown prince sleeping with his brother not shocking."

Thor set his jaw, that familiar stubborn expression he'd worn so often throughout their childhood.

"Maybe not," he said. "But I believe we can make this work if we try. Come home with me. Please."

Loki wished he could be so optimistic.

But then again...

"Fine," he sighed.

It still felt nice when Thor kissed his knuckles, though he rather thought he'd prefer to be kissing him elsewhere.


	48. Chapter 48

It seemed to Thor like the most logical thing in the world. They loved each other, they were properly bonded, no one was talking of breaking that bond via force or anything else. What was the problem?

Well, alright, he understood what the problems were. Loki was right; there was going to be a degree of surprise, of explanation needed. People were likely to be shocked.

But he didn't care about that. He cared that Loki was safe and happy and loved.

And he was the best person to do that.

"We could always just... lie," he said vaguely.

"What?" Loki asked. "What do you mean?"

"Well, we could tell everyone that this was always the plan. That we always knew the truth but that we wanted Asgard to know Loki as himself and not as a stranger or anything like that. We could pretend a marriage was always a possibility, though not confirmed, but it... You know. Came together."

He could probably have chosen a better way of wording that.

Loki scoffed, but there wasn't much force in it.

"As if people would believe that," he said.

"Why not? If there had been talk of an engagement all our lives, we couldn't have had a normal childhood. And so there were some pretences for the greater good."

Loki folded his arms.

"I'm not sure how I feel about a story where my body is disguised for... propriety's sake. To make sure no one was disquieted by me.."

He had a point.

"Just an idea," Thor said. "However we do this, I just want you to be comfortable."

Loki had a look on his face like he wasn't sure that would ever be possible, but all the same, he squeezed Thor's hand, those stunning eyes blinking slowly.

"Let's go home first," he said. "And we'll work it out from there, shall we?"

Yes. That seemed like a good idea.

Thor had no love for Laufey - he couldn't do anything about it for risk of war, but the idea had clearly been to wait until Loki birthed a child and then take the infant from them. It was a level of coldness that he couldn't even imagine.

Maybe that hadn't sunk in for Loki yet, but Thor could only hope his gratitude to Farbauti for saving them was apparent as they said farewell.

And then it was back to the Bifrost, flanked by their parents, Loki visibly afraid.

"Talk to me," Thor said. "Tell me your fears."

"Our lives have changed, Thor. Don't you see? We can't go back, ever."

Going back? What did that mean?

Thor thought of his dreadful condition, of being locked up like a beast, of being mindless and inflicted upon women he didn't recognise the next morning while all the while the one he loved, even without realising it, was right in front of him.

"Change doesn't necessarily mean bad," he said. "I don't think I'd want to go back."

Maybe it was different. Back for him meant a return to embarrassment and shame. Those were what Loki feared his future might bring.

Heimdall met them with the same stoicism he always did. No changes as yet. Much the same as always.

"Majesties," he said, bowing. "Princes."

Loki narrowed his eyes at him.

"You knew, didn't you?" he said. "All along, you knew where I came from."

"Naturally. But it was not for me to tell you. Still, I'm glad you have returned to us."

Thor cleared his throat awkwardly.

"Sorry I used the Bifrost without permission. It was an emergency, to be fair. Did Amora get into trouble?"

Frigga huffed angrily.

"She claimed to be acting on your orders in good faith," she said. "But I've put her to good use in the infirmary. I think she knows how lucky she is not to be in prison."

Yes. That was good, at least. Maybe he'd even get her some actual reatelp one of these days to actually pay her back.

By unspoken agreement, he accompanied Loki to his room, still untouched since he'd left. Exhaustion was starting to take its toll. At least he'd had an hour or so of sleep, but he was fairly sure Loki had barely dozed.

"Let me," he said as Loki started tidying up some of the clothes strewn over the bed. "You get some rest."

"I'm not sure I'll be able to," Loki said, echoing him from only a night ago - and had it only been that, reall? "Too... Too much going on."

"More going on tomorrow," Thor said, folding things and throwing some likely looking sleepwear in his direction. "Our triumphant return. I imagine there will be an announcement."

Loki groaned and flopped forward into his sheets.

Thor looked at him for a moment, wondering if talking was what he wanted or not, plumping on at least trying.

"Is there anything I can do to... help?" he asked.

Loki rolled onto his back, leaning up on his elbows, raising an eyebrow, one leg bent.

"What exactly did you have in mind?"

Oh. Oh!

"Er, not... Not that," Thor stammered. "I mean... I mean, unless you think it might help you, in which case I'll do my best, I mean..."

"Thor. Stop talking and get over here."

Right. Yes. Right.


	49. Chapter 49

It was strange for Loki to use his usual "come hither" body language on Thor, not least because he knew this was probably new vocabulary for him and he didn't seem to have brought his phrase book.

But he was getting the gist of it, taking off his shirt, getting into bed with him for a few kisses and then...

And then moving down his body...

"Oh," Loki said, a little surprised.

Thor looked up immediately, wide-eyed, worried.

"Is this... Is this not alright?"

"This is very, very alright."

A smile that made his heart do something unusual that he couldn't quite decipher. Something like a leap and a thud and a somersault all at once.

"Good," Thor said. "But I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing, so if I do it wrong..."

Do it wrong? How exactly was he planning to...

"Mmm..."

Loki spread his legs eagerly, bracketing Thor's head, enjoying the clumsy but firm passes of his tongue from his opening up to the base of his rapidly thickening cock.

How could something so simple feel so good? It really wasn't fair. How many years had he spent honing his skills as lover? And now Thor could just stroll in and take him apart...

"Is this... good?" Thor asked, which was a problem because if he was talking, that meant he had stopped.

"It's good. It's very good, please, continue."

Maybe there was a hint of smugness in Thor's smile as he bent back to his task, pleased to have pleased him, proud even, and that was something Loki could definitely work with, sighing happily and simply enjoying.

Thor grew bolder, daring to lick up the sides of his cock, sending shivers through him, sucking on the top, and Loki wanted more, wanted...

Ah...

"Wait," he said. "A moment."

Thor was clearly nonplussed as he leapt off the bed and hurried to his armoire, opening the concealed drawer in the base, searching for something he'd hidden.

His eyes were so wide they looked like they would never close again as Loki placed the phallus in his hand.

"What in the nine is this?"

"What do you think it is?"

"Well... Why do you have it?"

Loki laughed, flopping back onto his bed.

"I was curious," he said. "It was an experiment."

"And now you want me to..."

Loki knew how to encourage him. He liked clear instruction, liked knowing what felt good.

"I want to be full at the same time as feeling your mouth on me. Both at once. I want that intensity. I want to be overwhelmed."

He practically felt the passion in Thor's eyes as he crawled back between his legs.

The shaft was chilled against his skin, but in a pleasant way, hearing Thor gasp as his body yielded and took it, feeling his muscles clench around it as Thor tentatively traced a vein on the underside of his cock with his tongue.

"I can't believe it fits," he murmured.

"Mmm... Mm, but you fit."

"I'm not that big. Not to start with, anyway.

Loki chuckled, turning to a moan as Thor did something very interesting with the tip of his tongue.

"I've never done this before."

"Don't worry. It's good."

What he lacked in skill he more than made up for with enthusiasm, sucking hard, following Loki's gasped and panted advice about using his hand for anything he couldn't fit in his mouth, only driving harder when Loki's cock swelled in his grasp.

He couldn't even speak towards the end, desperately trying to breathe, distantly aware that he was almost bucking into Thor's mouth, unable to control his muscles.

His cunt clenched so hard that the phallus was forced out, leaving him panting and sweaty, the sheets not so much rumpled as half pulled off the bed.

Thor looked up at him, pink-cheeked, wiping his mouth.

"Has that helped?" he asked.

"A little," Loki said, throwing his sleepwear aside. "But cuddles would help too."

He could feel Thor's arousal as he tucked himself into his arms, all sated and warm. And it wouldn't do to leave him unsatisfied.

He reached back, rubbing at Thor's length through the small clothes he was still wearing.

"Shall we do something about this?"

"You don't have to. You must be tired."

"Oh, I don't intend to do any work. Take these off."

He loved the feeling of bare skin against his own, parting his thighs just enough, still slick, guiding Thor's cock between them.

"Like this," he said, pulling Thor's arm around him.

It didn't take him long, and since he wasn't distrscted, Loki was better able to focus on the wonderful sounds Thor made, the sighs, the little moans, the way his breath stuttered as his knot grew, Loki deliberately squeezing his thighs tighter together.

He fell asleep wrapped in Thor's embrace, his softened cock still nestled between his legs.

Along the way, he even forgot to worry about the day to come and how they were going to explain all this.


	50. Chapter 50

How wonderful to wake up at home at last, warm and comfortable.

Or as comfortable as it was possible to be with Loki half asleep on him. He really was surprisingly heavy, given how lean he was.

With some degree of effort, Thor got up, stretching, rather hungry. He considered trying to wake Loki and decided against it, instead heading for a quick bath. His injuries were nearly healed; Farbauti must have used some strong magic on him.

Clothes, though. Clothes were going to be troublesome. He had what he'd worn on Jotunheim, greatly in need of a wash or possibly just disposal, but everything else he owned was in a different wing of the palace. And he probably wouldn't fit into anything of Loki's.

He had a towel wrapped around his waist when he heard a knock, opening the door and giving the waiting einharjar something of an eyeful.

"Uh... Some clothes, Prince Thor," he stammered. "And your parents invite you to join them for breakfast."

"Thank you."

Red eyes gazed at him as he turned round, Loki definitely awake.

"Do you think he saw me?"

"No, you're under the blankets. Modesty maintained."

A faint sigh.

"I meant my face. I'm looking a little different."

Ah...

"I rather feel he may have been distracted by my nipples."

Loki pointedly looked down, stretching before rolling out of bed and heading for the wash room.

"Pretty nice nipples, to be fair."

Thor tried not to worry as they got dressed, offering Loki his arm for them to walk through the palace together. He knew his place here; by Loki's side, protecting him from any issues that might come their way.

Or not protecting as such. More like supporting him.

He maybe noticed a few surprised glances, but no one said anything and then they were in their mother's sitting room and everything felt surprisingly normal, considering.

Thor knew he was overeating, but he really was incredibly hungry. Loki didn't seem to have regained his appetite yet.

"I think it would be good to announce your engagement as soon as possible," Odin said.

Well, that wasn't exactly what he expected to hear, but he supposed it made sense. They were together, no question about that. This was just making it official.

"And how are you going to explain... this?" Loki asked, gesturing at himself.

There was a pause, Odin clearing his throat.

"It's rather up to you," he said. "I thought Thor's suggestion of being economical with the truth was a fairly good one but you also made a valid point. How would you like to proceed?"

Loki flailed and shrugged.

"Even with my skills, I might not be able to pretend I knew I was hiding this big a secret all along."

Thor frowned a little.

"Then how about the opposite? How about we just tell the truth?" he said. "Maybe not all of it, but... Well, that Loki is adopted. That our relationship has developed in an unexpected way. And then we say that we went away and made a decision on the future together. No complicated lies to remember. Just... omitting one or two things."

Loki folded his arms and got that look on his face that he got when he wanted to have an argument but couldn't argue with what had just been said.

And that meant he'd find something else to quarrel with...

"You know... you haven't actually asked me," he said.

Thor looked at him, baffled.

"Asked... Asked you what?"

A slightly theatrical sigh, tossing his hair as he looked away.

"You haven't asked me if I want to marry you."

Thor frowned now, well and truly confused.

"Yes, I did. In the cell."

"No. I asked you if you thought it was a good idea and you said yes. But you didn't actually ask."

Ah. So he hadn't.

Well, no time like the present then.

He reached for Loki's hand, squeezing it lightly, keeping his eyes down.

"Loki. Would you like to get married?"

The pause seemed to last forever, even though he knew it was just Loki teasing him.

"Alright. I suppose so."

The warmth in his voice showed how pleased he was. Secretly.

Or not so secretly for Thor.


	51. Chapter 51

Loki gradually became aware that he was alone. This was not necessarily unusual. Thor often got up before him. They operated on different but complementary rhythms.

He was settling into married life surprisingly well. There had been the initial shock, of course. The reveal of his true identity. But then most people had more or less shrugged, which perhaps reminded him of how little effect the monarchy had on most people these days.

Of course, there had also been Sif's remark that they were always a little weird together as brothers, which rather sent his brain spinning as he tried to work out what she was talking about.

And then he'd thought of his penchant for bulkier partners and potentially for blondes and grudgingly, internally realised that she might have a point.

Farbauti had come to the wedding. It was strange to be getting to know a new parent as an adult, through letters, the first ones allowed between Asgard and Jotunheim in centuries, and Loki was intensely grateful for the opportunity.

But after the fuss and the ceremony and the pledging, everything had settled into comfortable familiarity. His duties had not changed particularly and nor had his projects. The only real difference was sharing a bed and rooms with Thor.

They hadn't discussed him moving in. It had just kind of happened. Half his things were still packed up from his previous change of rooms. It made sense.

And, of course, there had been some friction as they settled down. He'd always thought of Thor as being tidier than him but it turned out he was just messy in a different way. He never left clothes on the floor, never clutter, but if he'd ever rinsed the bath out, it didn't look that way.

Speaking of which...

The door opened and with it came the heady smell of Thor after exercise, a kind of salty, earthy smell that he was now acutely aware of. And maybe he had been for a long time, but now he was conscious of it, nostrils twitching.

"Good morning," Thor said, stretching in a way that was frankly unfair. "I didn't wake you, did I?"

"No. But I'm certainly awake now."

A bashful half smile - still so embarrassed at being told how alluring he was.

"I'm going to take a bath."

"Is that an invitation?"

"If you'd like it to be."

On balance, Loki thought he did like.

Half rolling out of bed, he shed his sleep clothes, watching Thor's eyes on him. He'd stopped thinking of his new body quite early, the change becoming as normal as a haircut, but Thor always looked at him like it was the first time. Always with that same amount of wonder and open desire.

He probably looked much the same, to be fair, as Thor joined him, a hand at his waist, the other lacing into his hair to ease him into kisses and then towards the washroom.

When they had everything remodelled, Loki was going to change this bath for a bigger one. Better suited to having two tall people in it. Not that he minded having to sit on Thor's lap, moving just enough to tease.

Neck kisses were good. Hands roaming over his skin was also good, sighing as Thor's fingers brushed over his nipples. And now who was teasing?

"Thor..."

"Yes?"

Oh, seriously? He wasn't going to make him ask, surely...

With water rushing down his body, Loki stood up and turned, sinking down on Thor's cock almost instinctively, knowing exactly which angle he needed, both of them gasping.

"Mm. That's better."

Thor beamed at him - and that was the right word, like the sun shining upon him - his hands constantly moving over his body.

"Are you busy this morning?" he asked.

"Not particularly. Why?"

"Just wondering if it would be convenient for me to trap you here for a little while."

"Trap me?" Loki asked. "I think you'll find that I'll trap you."

Semantics. By the time they were shuddering and moaning out their climaxes together, it really didn't matter. Neither of them were going anywhere for a few minutes at least.

Thor sighed, breathless, resting back against the bath for a moment before reaching for the soap.

"Let me," Loki said.

He didn't often get to be the caring one. Thor was always gently tucking his hair back, making sure he had eaten when something interesting had distracted him all day, wrapping blankets around his shoulders. So getting to tend his bruises or wash his hair was something he treasured.

And, thank the norns, Thor pretended not to notice, even though the warmth in his eyes could hardly be denied.

"Any grand plans today?" he asked as Loki gently bathed his skin.

"Not particularly. I believe Amora's making progress with artificial reatelp and I'd like to keep an eye on her. You'll have council, though."

"Mm. But I'm free afterwards. We could... ride out together this afternoon."

He was blatantly trying not to tip Loki off about some plan or other.

"Any particular reason?"

A pause.

"No..."

Well, fine. Let him keep his surprise. It would be a good one, no doubt. Something he'd seen and thought Loki would appreciate. It was the kind of thing he did.

"Alright. Come and find me when you're done."

Thor kissed him softly, his knot deflating enough for them to separate.

Physically, anyway.

In every other sense, they would always be bound together.


End file.
